1. < Caregivers: Dementia

My anxiety about my husband's memory loss is pretty bad

Posted by meitsjustme @meitsjustme, Apr 30, 2023

I try to support my husband. I don't react negatively to repeated questions. But, I can hear my tone. I'm not arguing. But, he sees my face. There's so much! How do I make him know that I still think he's a wonderful man...a great husband? Fortunately (I think it's fortunate, anyway), he seems supremely confident in spite of realizing that his memory is impaired. And, he doesn't hold a grudge, so there's that. He loves it when I forget something. (grins!) I'm so worried about our future. How will I be able to manage him if it gets bad? We can't afford a memory care facility. The kids live far away, so there is intermittent help there if any. So, my question for the group is this. How to handle the anxiety. I'm making mistakes at work. I never could sleep well, so sleep is a problem now, too. I exercise, and that helps a bit. I reach out to friends. They're supportive. I'm not religious. And, my husband's memory loss is not the only major stressor in my life at the moment. My youngest brother has been diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver and heart failure. He doesn't believe that he should stop drinking.
Finally, forgive me for being a crybaby or maybe posting this in the wrong spot. I know many of you have problems much worse than mine. I admire you all for your fortitude and grit. I just needed to vent.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

marye2 | @marye2 | May 9, 2023
In reply to @meitsjustme "So, the fridge stopped working on Friday while I was at work. We had already had..." + (show)
@meitsjustme

So, the fridge stopped working on Friday while I was at work. We had already had a repair guy out twice and he's supposed to come back today to fix it. They call. The repair guy has a problem and won't be out today. Husband is on the extension and tells the scheduler and me that he, my husband, unplugged the fridge on Friday. Appliance problems and dementia...if I wasn't so frustrated, I'd think it was hilarious.

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Oops! Troubleshooting 101. Keep laughing!

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marye2 | @marye2 | May 9, 2023

I went to cognitive behavior for sleep and also practice basic sleep yoga before bed. Better, but not always the solution, but worth a try.

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fritzie | @fritzie | May 10, 2023

It is a good thing to vent! Locking all your feelings up can make you bitter and is not healthy. Thanks for sharing.

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1 reply
meitsjustme | @meitsjustme | May 10, 2023
In reply to @fritzie "It is a good thing to vent! Locking all your feelings up can make you bitter..." + (show)
@fritzie

It is a good thing to vent! Locking all your feelings up can make you bitter and is not healthy. Thanks for sharing.

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Thanks.

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1 reply
Moderator
Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | May 10, 2023
In reply to @meitsjustme "Where does someone start to learn about mindful meditation? Can it be learned from a book?" + (show)
@meitsjustme

Where does someone start to learn about mindful meditation? Can it be learned from a book?

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@jbur gave you some great resources for mindfulness practice and guidance. I'd also like to add the blog here on Mayo Clinic Connect if you want to give it a try.
- Health & Mindfulness https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/mindfulness-in-health/

On this page, you can find some videos that guide you through simple breathing and movement practices.
- Mindful practices https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/mindfulness-in-health/tab/resources/

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bobbisedlmayr | @bobbisedlmayr | May 11, 2023
In reply to @meitsjustme "Thanks." + (show)
@meitsjustme

Thanks.

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I agree this is a site where we are allowed to share our most inner feelings. Our frustrations. I have learned from positive replies and am thankful for them and this site.

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blue2 | @blue2 | May 11, 2023

dawnfensterbusch She is asking how to deal with the horrible anxiety, which I can totally relate to.
I very much appreciate the post as I am in a similar situation in regard to family being far away and wondering about the future.
meritsjust me is feeling very vulnerable right now and posted her question in a safe and supportive place to “vent”.
I certainly hope she will post again and let us know how she is doing.

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1 reply
meitsjustme | @meitsjustme | May 11, 2023
In reply to @blue2 "dawnfensterbusch She is asking how to deal with the horrible anxiety, which I can totally relate..." + (show)
@blue2

dawnfensterbusch She is asking how to deal with the horrible anxiety, which I can totally relate to.
I very much appreciate the post as I am in a similar situation in regard to family being far away and wondering about the future.
meritsjust me is feeling very vulnerable right now and posted her question in a safe and supportive place to “vent”.
I certainly hope she will post again and let us know how she is doing.

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Thanks for the support! I didn't take the negative comment too seriously. I realize everyone comes to this place with their own history and individual point of view. At first, I was taken aback by the vitriol, but I decided I had much more serious things to worry about.
Sometimes I feel pretty good. Someone posted about their partner being an emotional sponge. I think of that and it helps me control my own moods. I don't show frustration as easily when I know my husband will most likely pick it right up and get upset.
I'm reading a lot about caregiving for dementia patients, and that's helping, somewhat. I'm practicing gratitude. I'm trying to discern what the reality of my situation is, and to put it in perspective. Sometimes I'm better at this than other times.
I'm sorry to hear about you and others in similar situations. Although, the knowledge that other people can do it makes me stronger, It makes me believe that I can do it, too,

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1 reply
blue2 | @blue2 | May 11, 2023
In reply to @marye2 "I like your comment about the mood sponge. He does better if I am home and..." + (show)
@marye2

I like your comment about the mood sponge. He does better if I am home and doing my thing, but days I am out more than a couple of hours are not nearly as good. He does not mean to be verbally abusive, but I need the break! Eventually, I will find a way, I suppose, while keeping up with my needs and his.

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Would be nice if we all lived closer together and could form a caregiver co-op!

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marye2 | @marye2 | May 11, 2023

Council on Aging has self help caregiver help. But, where I live, it is on zoom. I find I need an hour or so to be out of the house, so not sure about that. I need to try it and see if it is workable on my phone.

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