Just Need a Little Support

Hello @artgirl2, When I am feeling down and in need a little support or help, I have a couple of "go to's". One is music and the other is exercise. I just turned 79 and still don't know where the years went. One resource that I have found that helps put me in a better frame of mind is the Resilient Option website - https://www.resilientoption.com/. They have some short videos that are great for helping you understand some of the reasons you think how you think and what you can do to help yourself. Here's a link to the videos - https://www.resilientoption.com/resources#video-section-new

I also like music - do you remember this one? - https://youtu.be/75Oct1Qv8x0

Oh good thoughts this morning and very good resources. Thank you!

Ah, family dynamics…aren’t they just mind boggling? Well, you’re not alone in being the black sheep of the family, m’dear. As a fellow ‘baa baa black sheep…” there’s not a lot you can do to bring your family around to the dark side. ☺️
What’s the old axiom…you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your relatives.

If these invitations are painful, then diplomatically decline. It’s very liberating. I learned the art of that years ago and never looked back. Having traveled through my cancer journey, I also realized life is too short to be cluttered with old baggage filled with negativity.

So, now focus on my immediate family and the tight, but small fist of friends I care deeply about and I keep busy with activities that keep me uplifted and fulfilled. If I get an invitation to a shower, wedding, etc., that fills me with dread, I respectfully decline and send a gift or card. Sometimes, for the heck of it, some distant relative gets a little surprise in the mail of a gift or a card, something I’ve painted or sewn, just to let them know maybe all the stories about crazy Great Aunt Lori are unfounded. 😂

Like @johnbishop suggested, we need to be resilient in our lives and our relationships. But I still add that we can also distance ourselves from toxic situations with out fear of guilt. I realize this sounds blissfully selfish but we have to give ourselves permission sometimes to say no!

My other focus is on the new family members I’ve found in our Connect forum. It’s the kitchen table I remember from my childhood. My mom, neighbor ladies and my grandma would chat endlessly! It was the best experience! That’s the feeling I have here where we are free to talk openly. We can offer encouragement or sage advice from our many years on the planet, we can ask for help and sometimes we just need someone to listen and have empathy or wipe a runny nose. ☺️

With an @name of @artgirl2, what is your creative outlet?

I’m 67 and I, too, am black sheep of family and with bipolar diagnosis. Have come to terms within myself that if I’m not up to it or uncomfortable about a family event I do not go but send a gift. But I do something I enjoy or help me feel better like a walk or going to botanical garden or museum. It keeps me busy and see something beautiful.

Thank you, John...a bit late, but none-the-less, I appreciate it very much. 🙂

Thank you, Marjou. Very helpful.

Hi Lori-
Somehow I am only now responding to your very good and helpful note. Thank you for taking the time.
This and the comments from the others who responded is indeed, supportive and kind. Sometimes that is all a girl needs.
You asked about my creative outlet....I love to sew and I am learning to paint with watercolors. I am also a writer, which helps me process my "stuff." It's that sometimes I forget to use those very good tools, particularly when I am stuck. This past January I assigned myself a project for fun. I thought about memoir writing and how I do not have a life that can be held in a book, perhaps, but I realized I could approach that topic from a different perspective. So, I began to write a poem...which is not finished...but I did complete the art that went with it- I made 75 pin cushions! I chose that number because if I am not here at that age, (I just turned 69 and have a history of pancreatic and breast cancers)....I chose that number simply because I like the sound of it. It's a quarter of a century. And it reminds me to keep getting up, especially on days that I am a bit down.
Tell me more about your creative work, if you like. (Not trying to pry, but I am interested.
Take care and be well.

Hi! Good morning, @artgirl2 It’s great to hear from you…there’s no time limit on these messages…occasionally, time makes them even more relevant. I had to re-read what I wrote to you and wow, I’m still the baa baa black sheep of the family. ☺️. I hope your situation has improved and you’re feeling more confident about opting out of invites to things you really have no desire to attend. I really have no regrets and continue to opt out too. Life is much less stressful when we learn to say no.

You and I seem to parallel each other a bit. I turned 69 in January and feel this is one of my greatest periods in time. Just had my 4 year followup post leukemia/bone marrow transplant and I’m ‘doing fantastic’…so from my perspective, that’s behind me! I also love sewing, mostly art quilts now, making paper, watercolor and writing. A couple years ago I went down the rabbit hole of making journals. That is my latest passion and can’t seem to get enough of making books! Now if I only had the self discipline to write in journals daily instead of making them.
But I’m writing in Connect to ‘friends and family’ every day. Keeps me out of trouble.

I’m really intrigued with your 75 pin cushions! Interesting that you chose pincushions as the artwork to represent your life…
And then…of course, there’s The Poem! Writing is such a visceral form of self expression. I think it’s clever and cathartic idea to bring your life to ‘life’ in poetry form and very meaningful.
This is a time for reflection, isn’t it?

Wow....you are still so young.... Sorry for not feeling wanted within your own family. Sadm but surround your self with other groups altho it is not easy. Senior Center activities,, volunteer etc. I also think this site can be of great value to you. Good luck!