Spouse with cognitive problems and finances

Bill has acquired a few close writer friends online over the years. They were getting concerned as no recent blogs or messages to them so I contacted them to update them that he hasn't been going on his computer as he has been having problems using it. They sent some lovely messages back, including writing this lovely blog as tribute.
I've afraid to bring up the computer as when he goes on it there are a LOT of angry outbursts and he will be upset for a few days. Yet I know he would enjoy knowing how much they care. One of those catch 22 positions.
At this point I'm not positive he would even recall who they are, unless it was one of his good days.
Has anyone gone through something like this? Thoughts?
His computer is next to him on the table but I don't think he is even aware of it. He can't use the phone unless I get it on speaker and keep it away from him (otherwise he turns it off or lowers the volume so much he can't hear it. All phone calls, even with kids, last about 2 to 3 minutes before he gives up and says goodbye.

Hu @billchitwood Scott here again. I'll relate a couple of changes my wife went through and how I tried to manage them with her.

She, too, became confused by many things, which previously had been second nature to her. One thing I moved to was reading her items, letters, news, etc. that she once could have done for herself. I tried to remove the frustration from something she had previously enjoyed, but now some aspect of it got in her way and aggravated her anxiety level.

My wife also lost interest in many of the things she had previously taken an interest in, especially talking on the phone. She used to love talking on the phone, but this changed to it being an intrusion and turned into simple /yes' or 'no' conversations and then nothing. She also used to enjoy visits a lot, but then they became too intrusive and likewise the shorter the better was her mantra. Oftentimes, when our daughter would visit my wife's first question of her, was "when are you leaving?". Heartbreaking for her (and me) at first, but talking it through helped her understand.

In the case of my wife, with her brain so broken, it seemed everything pretty much changed and I had to accept the old adage of "the only constant is change" and that those changes were being dictated by something over which neither of us had any control whatsoever.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

Thank you for your advice. I can see where my husband is changing in so many ways, just like your wife. So hard to understand how they think but that is the way this disease works, and always changing from day to day. Trying to reason with him is useless so I wait until he is ready to go ahead with an idea. Sometimes when he finally accepts an idea, it affects our lives very badly and then we both have to pay the consequences. Telling him “I told you so” is detrimental and cruel and is a negative afterthought he doesn’t have to share. But sometimes it is hard to deal with his stubbornness and lack of foresight but I’m learning his decisions are challenges to him. He is trying to maintain his dignity and given choices rather than orders.
I like what you said about
“those changes were being dictated by something over which neither of us had any control whatsoever.”

Last spring our family doctor set up Home Heath visits for Bill (which he managed to cut short quickly with 'showtime'). However when the one therapist was there twice Bill asperated on his joint pill (large) - having it go down the wrong tube. He had been having problems swallowing. Jim wanted him to have some tests run but Bill refused.
He stopped taking that large pill and has his food cut up into very tiny bites. He will still go into coughing fits while eating or drinking - as in this morning - says something went down the wrong way.

Has anyone else come across this problem? I know it can relate to thyroid (he takes medication for low thyroid and it is supposed to be controlled). Not sure if dementia can cause an increase in aspiration - presume old age can as well. This mornings episode lasted about a half hour, with him drinking a lot of water.

My husband has dementia and take a lot of pills. Often his first batch of pills in am he often vomit them. I’ve started taking his pills awau until he has eaten something. I’m not sure yet if it helps. Then often when he eats a meal he starts coughing. I ask him if he is chocking and he says he just has a tickle in his throat. I am worried one of these times he will aspirate and I’m in a wheelchair and will not be able to help him. He often coughs after drinking water as well.

Has anyone utilized Medicare's counselling services for family of those with dementia?

This morning he was demanding his credit cards again. Found out that he told his niece (not his kids who know better) that I sold his car without telling him. He didn't tell her that he had said to sell it, that he is no longer allowed to drive due to doctor's orders, that he is uninsurable, etc. Also indicated to her that my 'sister' (meaning daughter) and I might be spending or doing away with his money. His niece, who has known me for over 35 years and has known Bill always had me handle everything, added fuel to the rather than checking with his kids or with me.

So one of those days!

Bill got to come home last Tuesday after about a month in the hospital and skilled NH. The therapy at the NH did wonders for him. He is now receiving some home health - which he doesn't want - for a few weeks. Still not eating well. During the time he was away he lost 20 pounds! Gained a few back but haven't weighed him recently. They took him off his medication for high BP and put him on one for low BP.

Yesterday he claimed he was up 11 times to pee (wants his pee bottle back but the last 3 falls he had were all related to his spilling the bottle, trying to walk on the slippery pee and falling). I normally am aware of when he gets up at night and only remember two times - not 11! We have a camera set up for the kitties so moved it so we could check on Bill - last night he didn't get up once. Will be interesting to see how many times he thinks he got up. I also put a notepad and pen in the bathroom so he could note how many times he is going (has an upcoming doctor's appointment so need a better grip on actual times due to medications). Like a ninny I forgot to check the pad when I got up at 6am - just looked and he is showing about 5 marks - camera still on so it should show when he got up after me.
Dobby, one of the kitties, joins him in bed every morning. We have a rescue kitty, Cutie, hiding under the couch. Cutie is the reason for the cameras to make sure he is coming out to eat, drink and use litter box at night. Can also access from phone so if Robin and I are not we will know if Bill is having problems. He can no longer use a phone unless I dial/answer for him and hold it so he is on speaker phone.

Bill got to come home last Tuesday after about a month in the hospital and skilled NH. The therapy at the NH did wonders for him. He is now receiving some home health - which he doesn't want - for a few weeks. Still not eating well. During the time he was away he lost 20 pounds! Gained a few back but haven't weighed him recently. They took him off his medication for high BP and put him on one for low BP.

Yesterday he claimed he was up 11 times to pee (wants his pee bottle back but the last 3 falls he had were all related to his spilling the bottle, trying to walk on the slippery pee and falling). I normally am aware of when he gets up at night and only remember two times - not 11! We have a camera set up for the kitties so moved it so we could check on Bill - last night he didn't get up once. Will be interesting to see how many times he thinks he got up. I also put a notepad and pen in the bathroom so he could note how many times he is going (has an upcoming doctor's appointment so need a better grip on actual times due to medications). Like a ninny I forgot to check the pad when I got up at 6am - just looked and he is showing about 5 marks - camera still on so it should show when he got up after me.
Dobby, one of the kitties, joins him in bed every morning. We have a rescue kitty, Cutie, hiding under the couch. Cutie is the reason for the cameras to make sure he is coming out to eat, drink and use litter box at night. Can also access from phone so if Robin and I are not we will know if Bill is having problems. He can no longer use a phone unless I dial/answer for him and hold it so he is on speaker phone.

Using the cameras is a great idea - can’t argue with that proof!
Have you tried Depends at night or won’t he wear them? There is regular underwear that is made with extra padding and I wear these at night - better than Depends because they are washable. They are expensive but they work. You can add extra padding if you need to.
Maybe tell his doctor about the explosions and medication might need adjustment.