1. < Just Want to Talk

Lonely and Just want to talk with virtual friends here

Posted by EllAmster @ellamster, Jun 6, 2022

Due to 'life' I never had the opportunity to make friends. I hardly ever went out, am single, and feel desperately lonely. I can take care of myself and always have but have learned my caring skills weren't particularly good. They kept me alive but I have not lived.
No holidays, trips, bar, no beach or forest, nothing. And no friends to go out with or to simply have a chat.
I still work and I think my clients would be perplexed. They know me as a sunny and mischievous teacher who pulls their legs so they learn more, and trick them into doing things wrong to help understand it all even better. Little do they know. I am very alone and lonely. Being alone is not that big of a biggie: I know how to do that. But the loneliness is hollowing me out.
I wondered about making friends. I never had friends, I feel very awkward about friendship. I miss the person I am with clients in my daily life. I really would like someone to chat with. It would be so nice to even fall in love. To feel I am being loved. I never had that. It's so strange to realise so many are loved; is it normal to be loved, to find someone who loves you? Or is it the golden shine of being lucky and blessed enough to find this?

It would do me a lot of good to find people to chat with. Video for instance would be nice to get to know people. To chat, have a virtual cup of tea, or a real one of course! And to not be too ashamed of myself to hide behind the smiles and fun but to open up and maybe one day even be accepted.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Just Want to Talk Support Group.

SusanEllen66 | @SusanEllen66 | Sep 3, 2022
In reply to @cloudycarol "I am newly a widow and not young and don’t have a ton of friends (except..." + (show)
@cloudycarol

I am newly a widow and not young and don’t have a ton of friends (except my two cats). Just wanting to try this group to see if it is for me.
C

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Hi cloudycarol
I’m so sorry for your loss.
This is a nice, safe place for us to come and chat or just listen.
I have several autoimmune diseases, anxiety, and depression problems. I lost my 45 year old daughter to an overdose of fentanyl 4 years ago.
I hope you feel safe and comfortable here. Welcome!

REPLY
jjwest | @jjwest | Sep 4, 2022
In reply to @colleenyoung "Hi @jjwest, allow me to bring you into a discussion with @SusanEllen66 @rivermaya34 @gregoryz @sandysurf @linh..." + (show)
@colleenyoung

Hi @jjwest, allow me to bring you into a discussion with @SusanEllen66 @rivermaya34 @gregoryz @sandysurf @linh @jan62 @emil @poppyseed123 @ann16 and quite a few other members. See here:
- Lonely and Just want to talk with virtual friends here https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/very-lonely/

Even when surrounded by family members, like your son and his family, you can be void of personal chat that help you feel connected.

@ellamster started this discussion to bring Connect friends around the virtual kitchen table. I think she just made a fresh pot of coffee, so pull up a chair and join in.

Jean, what's a fun or funny thing you'd like the group to know about you?

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cup of hot

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centre | @centre | Sep 4, 2022
In reply to @jjwest "I am a 79 yr female with disabilities. I use a cane and walker. I now..." + (show)
@jjwest

I am a 79 yr female with disabilities. I use a cane and walker. I now live with my son and his family. I used .to be very active, but now I do not drive. I feel like I am tolerated as long as I go by the family rules. I can cook, somewhat, do my own laundry, clean my room and shared bathroom. I have a hugh TV, a tablet, a cell phone. I have art supplies, and jewelry making supplies, but I shake a lot and am not able to motivate myself. I am pretty much a people person. My son takes off work to .take me to Dr's appts. I do not sleep well at night due to neuropothy in my feet and. calves. So I sleep a lot during the day. My son takes me to church with the family when they go. and takes me to play dominoes oncw a week with folks my own age and older. But there is never any peronal chat. One gentleman is 99 yrs, he is so keen minded, I am very envious of him...in a good way.
I just need so desperately need someone to talk to.......any takers?? Jean West..Texas

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I live alone in a northern state and escape the winter snow and ice by going to live with my son and his family in Florida for January to mid-March. What you wrote about being welcome, as long as you follow the rules, really resonated with me 🤣🤣
I have found two tasks I can physically do, which are very helpful to them and bring lots of good vibes- I do all the family laundry- I drag it downstairs, to the w/d, in bunches in a tall kitchen trash bag, so it’s not too much or too heavy for me. I sit on a chair near the w/d to sort, load, change to the dryer, take out to a wash basket. I put a plastic grocery bag through the basket handle and pull it to the dining room table, then sit to fold and sort. I stack the clothes back in the basket and pull it over to the stairs for someone to take up. This saves the parents hours!! I just started saying, “This is good exercise for me”, “I really like to do the wash”. It helps pass the time and you feel like you are contributing to the household and it IS good exercise! I never go in the parents’ room to get or bring back laundry, I just say, “Whenever you want to bring down your stuff, I’m ready!” Reluctance didn’t last long once I started in on the kids.
The other thing I do is to clean the kitchen after meals. I can hold onto the counters if I need to, the dishwasher and trash can are right there, everyone clears the table. This gives the parents extra time to be with the kids and takes an extra job off their plates. Again, I just started saying, “This is good exercise for me.”, and it is! My daughter-in-law says, “It’s like the elves were here!”
Doing these tasks helps give structure to my day and week, is a safe way to get exercise and activity, and saves the parents hours of housework, which they can spend with the kids or relaxing or taking a walk together (you’re helping support the marriage too).

REPLY
1 reply
willows | @willows | Sep 4, 2022

Hi Jean I am a 75 year old married woman. Always loved animals and since I was a child I just had to have a dog or cat. Unfortunately I have developed allergies and asthma. In spite of injections for allergies I have never been able to have another animal. You are so fortunate having two cats. I am definitely envious of you. I am relegated to watching animal videos to get a “fur fix”. Please give your cats a hug for me.

REPLY
2 replies
SusanEllen66 | @SusanEllen66 | Sep 5, 2022
In reply to @willows "Hi Jean I am a 75 year old married woman. Always loved animals and since I..." + (show)
@willows

Hi Jean I am a 75 year old married woman. Always loved animals and since I was a child I just had to have a dog or cat. Unfortunately I have developed allergies and asthma. In spite of injections for allergies I have never been able to have another animal. You are so fortunate having two cats. I am definitely envious of you. I am relegated to watching animal videos to get a “fur fix”. Please give your cats a hug for me.

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Same problem here…

REPLY
thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | Sep 5, 2022

It's very hot here in Southern California and so this is the second day I will not be leaving the house. In my head, I feel I have no one. The love of my life died after 59 years of marriage. Shortly thereafter I had a complete hip replacement. Because there was no one to look after me I had to go to a skilled nursing facility. Now I know what it is like to go to hell. Yes, I do have children. One son lives and teaches in China so it is impossible for him to be here for me. He tries his best and we skype once a week. Apparently for the other it is payback time. It seems that several people tell me they knew we had issues. The problem is that I didn't know we had issues. Since his father's death he has treated me disrespectfully. With these three things going on more or less simultaneously, I am not in a good place. There is really no future for me, as in 22 days I will be 88 years old. I guess you could say I am extremely lucky to be in my own home, still able to drive and can take care of myself. But there is nothing to look forward to. From where I am life looks bleak.

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2 replies
jellyroll51 | @jellyroll51 | Sep 5, 2022

Hi, Marilyn, I can relate so much, but will write more, soon...just found out my youngest son, 47, had 2 mini strokes and 100% blockage of the carodid artery. I will try to connect again soon.
Judy

REPLY
Mentor
Sue, Volunteer Mentor | @sueinmn | Sep 5, 2022
In reply to @centre "I live alone in a northern state and escape the winter snow and ice by going..." + (show)
@centre

I live alone in a northern state and escape the winter snow and ice by going to live with my son and his family in Florida for January to mid-March. What you wrote about being welcome, as long as you follow the rules, really resonated with me 🤣🤣
I have found two tasks I can physically do, which are very helpful to them and bring lots of good vibes- I do all the family laundry- I drag it downstairs, to the w/d, in bunches in a tall kitchen trash bag, so it’s not too much or too heavy for me. I sit on a chair near the w/d to sort, load, change to the dryer, take out to a wash basket. I put a plastic grocery bag through the basket handle and pull it to the dining room table, then sit to fold and sort. I stack the clothes back in the basket and pull it over to the stairs for someone to take up. This saves the parents hours!! I just started saying, “This is good exercise for me”, “I really like to do the wash”. It helps pass the time and you feel like you are contributing to the household and it IS good exercise! I never go in the parents’ room to get or bring back laundry, I just say, “Whenever you want to bring down your stuff, I’m ready!” Reluctance didn’t last long once I started in on the kids.
The other thing I do is to clean the kitchen after meals. I can hold onto the counters if I need to, the dishwasher and trash can are right there, everyone clears the table. This gives the parents extra time to be with the kids and takes an extra job off their plates. Again, I just started saying, “This is good exercise for me.”, and it is! My daughter-in-law says, “It’s like the elves were here!”
Doing these tasks helps give structure to my day and week, is a safe way to get exercise and activity, and saves the parents hours of housework, which they can spend with the kids or relaxing or taking a walk together (you’re helping support the marriage too).

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What a great way forward you have found. When we were a busy young family, doing our laundry was the greatest help my husband's mother brought to us!

We also asked her to tell our kids stories from when she was young - before people owned cars. My kids loved it more than having her read books to them. My husband eve heard stories that she never had time to tell while he was growing up!

The other thing she did was once or twice during a 2 week visit, she would fix one of his favorite childhood dishes, usually something I never mastered, or that was a little too time consuming for me. She would give me a list of any specific ingredients she needed before I went to the grocery store.

Congratulations on finding a way to make the sun shine brighter for others!

REPLY
emil | @emil | Sep 5, 2022
In reply to @ellamster "Yes, it is very sad. I noticed it quite quickly after waking up a few times..." + (show)
@ellamster

Yes, it is very sad. I noticed it quite quickly after waking up a few times thinking 'hey, I didn't dream'. They never came back. Since they were important to me and all the creative things I used to do I really have mourned them for a long time.
I don't know if there is something I can do to get them back, and to get my creativity back. I miss being cut off that well, it was precious.
Maybe someone here knows?

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Perhaps guided psychedelics? I hear that psilocybin is making a comeback in these areas. Competent practitioners will always consider your mental health history and the set and setting for your trip. I can’t recommend or discourage the use of psychedelics, you understand. My own experiences don’t count.
Just an idea, as what you describe sounds a lot like a low dose trip.

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2 replies
EllAmster | @ellamster | Sep 5, 2022
In reply to @emil "Perhaps guided psychedelics? I hear that psilocybin is making a comeback in these areas. Competent practitioners..." + (show)
@emil

Perhaps guided psychedelics? I hear that psilocybin is making a comeback in these areas. Competent practitioners will always consider your mental health history and the set and setting for your trip. I can’t recommend or discourage the use of psychedelics, you understand. My own experiences don’t count.
Just an idea, as what you describe sounds a lot like a low dose trip.

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Amazing, and I have heard about it!
It might be an idea, yes. I actually mentioned it to a therapist two years ago but she said they only do the regular drugs. Anti depressants and so on.
But I would be interested and that says a LOT, coming from me who hardly even takes something against pain 😹 I usually ride things out but in this case something has gotten bad and I can't get in touch with that side of my personality. It is though important to me, it feels like a real amputation.

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