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@thisismarilynb

It's very hot here in Southern California and so this is the second day I will not be leaving the house. In my head, I feel I have no one. The love of my life died after 59 years of marriage. Shortly thereafter I had a complete hip replacement. Because there was no one to look after me I had to go to a skilled nursing facility. Now I know what it is like to go to hell. Yes, I do have children. One son lives and teaches in China so it is impossible for him to be here for me. He tries his best and we skype once a week. Apparently for the other it is payback time. It seems that several people tell me they knew we had issues. The problem is that I didn't know we had issues. Since his father's death he has treated me disrespectfully. With these three things going on more or less simultaneously, I am not in a good place. There is really no future for me, as in 22 days I will be 88 years old. I guess you could say I am extremely lucky to be in my own home, still able to drive and can take care of myself. But there is nothing to look forward to. From where I am life looks bleak.

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Replies to "It's very hot here in Southern California and so this is the second day I will..."

Morning lovey~
You get a huge hug from me! I can really relate to your sad tale....as I find myself in your words. First let me say how much I appreciate your sharing and being open to receiving feedback from 'strangers'.
I often 'visit' my despair and grief as well as the crippling sadness of it all. My heart goes out to you. My love passed in 2021..seems like yesterday... with this fabulous man for 47 years...'trying' to go on has been a struggle as well as a futile one when I get into the throws of depression..that all the grief and my life being turned upside down, brings. I'm 10 years younger then you are and admire you and your desire to find peace with your life and find joy once again. I feel the fact that you are asking that very question shows me that you indeed have a future to enjoy. I am hopeful to be able to still be driving and living on my own as the years go by. I am alone, but not lonely...I have no one really to rely on..but myself. I feel, like you, we are survivors...and blessed to have the strength to carry on. Now..finding joy in our days..well..that's really up to us to supply. I find the smallest of things to focus on...a small flower trying to grow...the songs of the local birds and wildlife that abound where I live. Being grateful is a tough one when all we can see is sadness and no future...but..we can change that 'script'...plant seeds of gratefulness to replace a sad thought...watch a cat video! or lots of them...re-teach yourself to see the joy in others and suck it up into your own spirit. These are the things that I am currently practicing...self-care..(for once)...that takes up a lot of my day...that and planning out where I want to go and what I want to do...with the vast 'freedom' I have now. Having little responsibility at our ages is a joy!
We have the ability to find our 'new' way..not one we had planned perhaps, but one that now presents itself to us.
Go try something today..no matter how silly you might think it is...get that special coffee and cookie..or a walk..or do something for another...look at funny greeting cards...find your 'inner' child and play with her again. When you feel like there's no future you can see for yourself..make one up! This is what I'm trying to bring into my life these days. I have my setbacks...but now that I've been aware of the hold that kind of negativity can have on me..I try to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. It's working for me and I hope will for you as well. You're a survivor of the greatest generation!...there's joy in that alone! I hope you have a wonderful day!

Hi Marilyn, good morning from hot Phoenix.
I’m so sorry for your losses. Life has twists and turns we neither signed up for or want. I think we can all relate with that!
So, you have a birthday on the horizon. Me too. Being born just before Halloween always made my birthday parties Halloween parties. My friends would come in costumes. We would dunk for apples…that was so very long ago.

Future plans are not always fruitful. However, I have started to do things that I have always wanted to do and never had the opportunity until now. I live by myself and find it very freeing. No worries about dinner time or pleasing anyone else…
Do keep in touch. 🌻