Spouse with cognitive problems and finances

Will takes little naps almost every day but they are less than half an hour. During the night, he has a habit of going to his lounger and playing games on his tablet. He also has a BiPap because he has severe Sleep Apnea and should be using it all night. I have tried talking to him about not being on the BiPap but it is a habit now.
I think I will ask his Neurologist if she has any suggestions, maybe referring us to a Geriatric doctor. He gets sick and tired if he doesn’t use the BiPap and this could be why he naps.

Kitties wanted to sit in his lap, which he normally loves. He was roughly pushing the two of them off. Kitties thought it was a game but I quickly removed them before one got hurt (he was getting rougher and rougher with them). Now he is mad at me. Now kitties and I are in another room while he is sulking with his TV. Yikes!

Along with his CKD he has dementia, which has gotten worse lately. I read where CKD and dementia are not that uncommon? Has anyone else had to deal with both? His doctors are trying to get the anger under control but so far it seems to rotate day by day with one being good the next bad. No idea what will trigger it. Seems to be a different trigger most of the time. Finding out he is no longer allowed to drive was a major trigger. Since selling the car he seems to have forgotten that he was planning on driving to Vegas. Since he gets lost easily he would probably have ended up in New York!
At least he hasn't fallen for over a week. One blessing.
No idea what to do about the kitties.

What is CKD? I’ve heard that Alzheimer’s patients can have angry outbursts but not Dementia patients. I’m looking up CKD and Dementia and see if there are anger issues with this combo. I’ll let you know what I find.

Found this article among many about Dementia and Anger.
https://www.verywellhealth.com/anger-and-aggression-in-dementia-4134488
It is interesting and may help us understand why our loved ones are so angry.
Please let me know what you find out after reading this article.
The kitties are better off without him until his anger subsides.

Bill's father was physically and verbally abusive to Bill's Mom and Sister - never to him, but he had to sit by and watch, unable to do anything until he hit his teen years. His parents did divorce when he was fairly young but his father continued to come around. He has used anger to get his way - usually the silent treatment. I think the dementia has unleashed some of the anger he had managed to keep under tight control. Just my uneducated guess. That was a good article.

CKD is chronic kidney disease. He is Stage 3. He also has problems with veins in his legs - valves don't work well. Recently showing signs of Bradycardia (slow heart beat) and has had arrhythmia for years (not requiring treatment). He does take medication for gout; high blood pressure - which is very low now; and a thyroid problem. Those are all under control. His biggest problem is he became inactive ten-fifteen years ago (claiming he hurt too much to do anything). Doctors tried to get him to do therapy; exercise; move, etc. but he wouldn't. Wouldn't go to family functions - basically isolated himself. I would go without him, which made him madder than all get out so silent treatment when I would get home.
Doctors are sure if his anger is part of the dementia or just being a 'grumpy old man'. Trying to figure it out so they will know how to treat him.

Julie, I am curious, when did the extreme anger begin with Bill? Did he always have this tendency and now it is worse or has this developed recently?

He always could be quick to anger over the oddest things. If a guest used the wastebasket in the guest bath and didn't empty it before they left it would trigger an outburst! Now he is using the wastebasket which he wouldn't before lol. The anger has gotten more in the past ten, twelve years. He would get mad at one commercial (which played a lot) - wanting to kill the spokesman - I would tell him to just put it on pause, or turn the sound off; which he didn't. He so totally over reacted that it raised alarm bells. Fortunately he has forgotten about that channel!

So the tendency towards anger has always been there but with the dementia it isn't as controlled. He is also using swear words towards Robin and me that he never used towards family.

He is also getting where he is sure we are plotting against him. One of those times was when Robin and I were figuring out which TV and lift chair would be best for him. According to him 'TV" and "chair" were code words. So just very odd things showing up. Magnified?

Will always got upset about money and would get angry whenever I sent money to my family. Now he sends money to his family and once In awhile gets angry when I do. I diffuse his ranting before he even finishes his complaint, by telling him I have lived with his anger about my sending money to my family almost the entire time we have been married, and I don’t want to listen to his complaints any more. It worked!
One of the triggers for Dementia patients could be they are sick and resent anyone who isn’t. I remember meeting an older woman in my Dad’s nursing home who was extremely jealous of me and “if looks could kill”, I would be gone. I did feel a little guilty because I understood why she was jealous of me. Her attitude would prevail as long as she stayed there, but her anger had nothing to do with me.
Not being able to eat food he likes can trigger anger.
Not being able to communicate his feelings or wants can be a triggers.
Not being to walk and get around by himself can be trigger.
And there are many more triggers and how to solve them in the article I sent you. I like the article so much that I am going to print a copy for myself.
I also remember visiting my Dad in the nursing home just before Will and I were going to the beach. When I told him about our plans, he got very quiet and started drumming on the table with his fingers. I knew he wanted to come with us, but Will and I didn’t have much alone time because of our visiting Dad. He really wanted all of our time. He wouldn’t tell me why he was upset but I knew. Our relationship was an on again/off again one I can tell you about when you want to know.
God’s blessings to you, Julie

I wonder if antidepressants may help Bill? He could be depressed or has he been tested for that? Does music calm him down? There are apps for tension that have the sound of water, and just listening to the sound of rain or the ocean, calms me down considerably.
All suggestions to try to calm Bill down. At least it’s worth a try!

They are trying some meds. He sings - hours at a time, which soothes him and is like water torture for everyone else. He used to have a very good voice but not now. And most of what he 'sings' are just sounds. Cats go hide lol.