What IS the point? Adult kids don't seem to care.

I’m So sorry for your pain. I hope you can find peace.

❤️

Thank you. 💙

I remember when I was my chidren's adult ages and remember how busy I always was. Adult children today have far more pressures. I told my son how I felt and he "blew me off" for over a year. Then I told him I didn't want to fight any more and I stopped meddling, as meddling is a problem for me, and he and are rebuilding our relationship.

I remember being off on my own, far away, geographically, and thinking very little about my mother and what she might be thinking or going through. Still, she was always there for me when I needed her. Most times I didn't feel I needed her but when I did, no one could do for me what she did, just being there, solid in her support, no matter what. I don't think our adult children can really know what it is like to be a parent, what we go through until they have children of their own. I still struggle with knowing if it is appropriate to say something when I can see my eldest making a decision I believe is one day going to hurt him and the person closest to him. It's all I can do to keep my mouth shut ... because I love him so much and want to see him happy and well-adjusted. I guess part of his learning "process" is not having me involved in his process. But that's difficult for me because I care about him so much. But the only way any of us really learn is from our own mistakes, correct? My mother was unusual in that she never involved herself in her children's personal lives, telling us what she thought we should be doing differently. If she had, we probably would have done what we were going to do, anyway :o) Yet she was always "there" for me whenever I needed her. She made her own share of mistakes, so did I, but I still admire her ability to know when to keep her mouth shut. She died at 99 yrs of age and I miss her very much. Perhaps we don't fully appreciate what we have until we lose it!

@marionwilhelm You are wise to leave it at that.

I started a thread long ago as to "Why Bother?" What's the point? Why bother? I am still doing what I can. My father chose to opt out on life and he missed having grandchildren. i have been at this precipice more than once. I can recall what his suicide did to me long ago and I would not want to inflict this kind of guilt on another. My response to "what's the point?" and "why bother?" No matter how desperate the situation suicide may not be the wisest choice.

You said this well. It was my life also. I went to Europe at age 19 against my mother's wishes, but she always stayed out of her children's lives as well. Had she said no, I, too, would have been more adamant about going out on my own. Ditto to everything you said. I could not have written it as well as you. My mother died at age 95. It has been 7 years and I miss having her always having "my back." And I learned from her that I, too, always have my children's back no matter how they treat me or don't treat me. And they know this by my actions not by what I say. We were so lucky to have our mothers for so long and to have had a positive experience. I have met too many women who did not have a good relationship with their mothers or lost their mother at a young age and I feel for them. My mother did not experience depression, but I saw her experience much grief (my brother committed suicide due to depression) and she helped me very much with my depressive disorder. Thank you so much for sharing.

Parus, I'm so glad that you refer back to the "Why bother?" discussion you started. Allow me to insert the link to it here:
- "WHY BOTHER?" What can we do when we are stuck? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/why-bother-what-can-we-do-when-we-are-stuck/

I especially like your question in that discussion asking for ways to get unstuck. You asked:
"...maybe some can share how we get out of a rut to help ourselves. We all get stuck stuck at times. Curious as to what others do when stuck in that thought mode of 'Why Bother?'"

You are welcome! I have had to deal with depression, as well. I experienced incest at a very young age and there was an incident of suicide within my extended family. I never saw my Mom depressed, either, but I never felt unloved. Sounds like we have much in common even though the particulars may vary. We very well may be soul mates :o) If you are ever feeling down for whatever reason, I'm here. Depression doesn't bother me because I know tomorrow is another day and, when I keep doing what I know is best for me, whatever depression I am experiencing gets better. So, once again, it's important to "be there" for someone rather than trying to "fix it" or tell them what to do. So nice to know you understand.