What IS the point? Adult kids don't seem to care.

Posted by nousername @nousername, Dec 25, 2021

Adult kids don’t care to see us. Don’t even bother to text. We’ve been nothing but generous and helpful. I built my life around them. Big mistake. Don’t talk about God or faith. I don’t know a single person who could deal with my life. What’s the point in trying to feel better? Yes, I know it could be way worse.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety group.

Hi @nousername, welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to invite @nannette2022 @virgogirl7 @gingerw @helenfrances around the virtual kitchen table to chat. I've just made myself a cup of tea. But if you prefer coffee, I'll put on a pot to brew.

With that, I've tried to paint a picture that I'm all ears and am listening. I sense that you're feeling abandoned by your kids and there's more. You're hurt. Tell me more about what's going on today.

REPLY

It is 12:48 Saturday Christmas day, I am on my deck, still in my nightgown (however, the bed is made, the dishes are cleaned) that is still a little respect that I have for myself. As I have said, I must be grateful for what I have, also, as I said, I have not chosen to be depressed. I am simply tired of living.

REPLY

Yes. Tired of living. And angry though, for the abandonment. I want to abandon them and I just can’t let myself. It’s all too much work, the “being grateful or what I have,” the putting in a happy face, the shoving down my feelings. The realization that lots of folks have it worse. Nobody can be bothered to check in on me, in spite of knowing what I’ve been going through. I’ve been the support for so many family and friends through the years. When I need it, radio silence.

REPLY

In France on the Christmas services, all of them, in my days, the priest, the minister would always remind the attendees ;"have you set the extra plate for the poor?" so that at the end of the service one would not be imposing on the one who asked "have you a place to eat, we are expecting you". Would it not be wonderful if someone would start such tradition? I, for one, did ask so many people, but no one accepted because they all had a place to go, yet the (their) table(s) were not big enough to accommodate the place of the poor.

REPLY

Hmmm. I do not have any children, only two step-children. Their dad has worked to have a relationship with them in spite of difficult times, and we all reap the benefits of his efforts. Is it easy? Nope, not at all. But we try to be respectful. In my birth family, I have four siblings, and we are all far-flung like seeds carried aloft on high winds. We have all taken different paths, and lack in the social skills to keep positive relationships moving forward. But, it's never too late, as they say, and a few inroads were made this past year.

@nannette2022 @nousername There are times that come to us in our lives, when we sit with ourselves and take an honest look at things. We look within and do a "check in" to see how we are handling, or not handling, our day-to-day life. Then expanding out to look at factors affecting us. A relative/partner/friend with health issues. Our own health issues. Physical, mental, emotional. And we build a foundation of how we can address everything to make it be the best for us. In the midst of my health concerns right now, I have reached out to give my family the facts. Then there is my "family of choice" friends, and acquaintances, who I turn to for support. You pick and choose, and find out what will ease your mind and heart. Do you have a group of people you will cultivate their support and relationship with? Reaching out to help others where you can will bring rewards to your heart and mind. I hope you will tell me how you plan to do this.
Ginger

REPLY
@gingerw

Hmmm. I do not have any children, only two step-children. Their dad has worked to have a relationship with them in spite of difficult times, and we all reap the benefits of his efforts. Is it easy? Nope, not at all. But we try to be respectful. In my birth family, I have four siblings, and we are all far-flung like seeds carried aloft on high winds. We have all taken different paths, and lack in the social skills to keep positive relationships moving forward. But, it's never too late, as they say, and a few inroads were made this past year.

@nannette2022 @nousername There are times that come to us in our lives, when we sit with ourselves and take an honest look at things. We look within and do a "check in" to see how we are handling, or not handling, our day-to-day life. Then expanding out to look at factors affecting us. A relative/partner/friend with health issues. Our own health issues. Physical, mental, emotional. And we build a foundation of how we can address everything to make it be the best for us. In the midst of my health concerns right now, I have reached out to give my family the facts. Then there is my "family of choice" friends, and acquaintances, who I turn to for support. You pick and choose, and find out what will ease your mind and heart. Do you have a group of people you will cultivate their support and relationship with? Reaching out to help others where you can will bring rewards to your heart and mind. I hope you will tell me how you plan to do this.
Ginger

Jump to this post

NO, unfortunately. French by birth, American by choice, my family is in France, what remains of it.

REPLY
@nousername

Yes. Tired of living. And angry though, for the abandonment. I want to abandon them and I just can’t let myself. It’s all too much work, the “being grateful or what I have,” the putting in a happy face, the shoving down my feelings. The realization that lots of folks have it worse. Nobody can be bothered to check in on me, in spite of knowing what I’ve been going through. I’ve been the support for so many family and friends through the years. When I need it, radio silence.

Jump to this post

@nousername I know the feeling. Try not to stay there too long as you are allowing the bad to win. I am sad for how things are for you as it is a very lonely place.

REPLY

It would be so nice for those of us (one of whom I am) if we could share our telephone number, sometimes hearing a friendly voice is all that one needs, but I am not complaining, I have all of you. Thank you for being available when I write.

REPLY
@gingerw

Hmmm. I do not have any children, only two step-children. Their dad has worked to have a relationship with them in spite of difficult times, and we all reap the benefits of his efforts. Is it easy? Nope, not at all. But we try to be respectful. In my birth family, I have four siblings, and we are all far-flung like seeds carried aloft on high winds. We have all taken different paths, and lack in the social skills to keep positive relationships moving forward. But, it's never too late, as they say, and a few inroads were made this past year.

@nannette2022 @nousername There are times that come to us in our lives, when we sit with ourselves and take an honest look at things. We look within and do a "check in" to see how we are handling, or not handling, our day-to-day life. Then expanding out to look at factors affecting us. A relative/partner/friend with health issues. Our own health issues. Physical, mental, emotional. And we build a foundation of how we can address everything to make it be the best for us. In the midst of my health concerns right now, I have reached out to give my family the facts. Then there is my "family of choice" friends, and acquaintances, who I turn to for support. You pick and choose, and find out what will ease your mind and heart. Do you have a group of people you will cultivate their support and relationship with? Reaching out to help others where you can will bring rewards to your heart and mind. I hope you will tell me how you plan to do this.
Ginger

Jump to this post

"Reach out to others" "Group of people"…what if you have none?
And let's throw COVID into the mix, when simply speaking to a cashier in the grocery store is a threat.

REPLY
@anonymous260206

It would be so nice for those of us (one of whom I am) if we could share our telephone number, sometimes hearing a friendly voice is all that one needs, but I am not complaining, I have all of you. Thank you for being available when I write.

Jump to this post

@esikora and @nannette2022 it is possible to exchange phone numbers if you write Private Messages to each other. For your safety it’s discouraged put private, personal information out in the forum. But if you want to exchange personal information with other members through PM that’s up to you. ☺️

Just use discretion when giving out personal contact information. Is this something you’d feel comfortable doing?

REPLY

Completely agree. I'm devastated with the knowledge that my grown daughter cares nothing about me after I sacrificed everything for her.

REPLY
Please sign in or register to post a reply.
  Request Appointment