What IS the point? Adult kids don't seem to care.

Thank you. It makes perfect sense

About 2 years ago, I was in a similar position with the oldest of my 3 children. She "attacked" me online and I responded with anger. A year ago, things got worse. My youngest adult child read the book, "Emotional Neglect" and passed it on to his siblings The open conversation with him helped and he remained open and affectionate. My middle son jumped into the fray and joined the oldest in not talking to me. He hasn't talked to me in a year.

At first, I was devastated. My world fell apart. Today I am better, but not totally healed and sometimes go back there.

I haven't completed reading a helpful book, "When Parents Hurt" by Joshua Coleman PHD.

I have worn out a few friends, the pastor, and a relative talking about this, but not the therapist or this group.

I have found it helpful to have a crisis plan, including who to call, who to call if it gets worse, and hotlines. Don't forget things that you enjoy doing, such as going to the movies, going on a walk or playing a game. Joining a group to make new friends (stay away from things that will harm you.)

I'm not making light of the immense pain you must feel. I still have a place in my heart that is empty and sad, but I try to turn away from that. I'm not suicidal right now.

Looks like you have a lot of support here. I hope you can continue to feel better.

Cheryl]

you are correct…sometimes it’s a challenge. I’ve lived up to 3000 miles away from family and friends. It’s more challenging but it’s still worth trying. We all need to be creative and think of ways to help, even if that “help” looks different! I’ve dropped off meals AND also followed Covid guidelines. The same can be done with yard work, etc. honestly, it probably helps me just as much as the recipient because it takes my mind off of me,me, me!!!

Hi, how does this virtual kitchen table chat work? Of course I'm interested -- Virginiagirl17

You just took a seat at the virtual kitchen table, Virgogirl. I was trying to paint a picture with words, meaning that our posts in this discussion are like sitting around the table to talk together as a group. Welcome.

And I’m not minimizing anyones pain, abandonment by an adult child is awful. It’s NORMAL to be hurt. Sometimes it just takes time and it’s not easy being patient.
Regardless of anyones faith or lack thereof, it’s an awful rejection to go through especially when you are ill. There are lots of people experiencing this unfortunately.
Your feelings count and I truly hope you find some like minded. people close by you. Meanwhile, you are here and there are people that understand. Please reach out when ever you need to share, no judgement zone here. 🤓🤓🤓

Well -- I just did something pretty bold -- wrote a post for my 29-year-old Aspie son who says he is ready now to find his kind, funny, easy-going and super-smart female counterpart. My theory as I have said before: take the chance or lose the risk. Maybe some lovely similarly-leaning young woman will decide she wants to meet him. He's an Aries man -- a leader, risk-taker, adventurous, scrupulously honest and ethical and .. oh well.. impatient. Some girl will be really lucky to land him!

No, not to the second email when I made apologies for not having been the best mother. But, I am giving her space, and today, I have learned that when you believe in God, nothing is an accident, nothing is a hazard, nothing is a coincidence, so I simply asked God to give me the patience to wait, not to lecture. I had a wonderful day today. No resentment, no anger, no bitterness, I am hoping for a continuation.

I’m agnostic & am a good kind yet anxious & depressed woman. I was raised in a Protestant family, trotted to church weekly, etc. I am a better woman now than I ever was. I’ve seen so many depressing stories of “good” Christian’s behaving in the most un-godlike ways towards their fellow humans (including my own parents) that to believe in that would be silly. I know this isn’t the forum for this debate so I’ll leave it at that. We all get to chose what we believe in, or don’t.

Being in a reflective mood, I want to add a bit here to this conversation. Starting with discussing adult children who seem to disappoint us, I do not have any children, but I do have siblings who seemingly have done the same. And as others have said, it is our own journey. We choose how to respond to how we are treated, and sometimes it just feels saddening. We can expect to be treated well, afterall, the other person is a sibling or child of ours, but we are not inside their head. We still move forward, and offer ourselves, with nothing expected in return. Know that we are enough to interact; we cannot predict the outcomes. If it is not what we would like to experience, we make the choice to keep going. Gifting of our time and resources does not guarantee a return, and that's okay. Being able to give is its own reward.
Ginger