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Caregiver/spouse of kidney recipient with personality change
I'm struggling due to the change of personality in my husband. He received a kidney transplant in October 2020. He has become full of rage and takes it all out on me and has become extremely difficult to be around. He blames me for all our marital issues, curses & yells at me, calls me "stupid", threatens me by saying he will tell his social worker that he feels unsafe at home and is becoming very controlling. His case is complex having a donor of a different blood type, mild rejection issues & treatments for those issues. He has been through a lot and with covid-19 it makes things even harder. I try to be a supportive caregiver, but I'm at my witts end. I've notified his doctors & social worker, but does not follow their suggestions. We also received some pastoral counsel. We even stay in separate rooms. Any suggestions on dealing with this?
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@didi123 First off, welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. This is a place to talk with others, vent, and learn from the experiences we all go through.
I know you are happy your husband was able to get a kidney transplant, but the aftermath is something you did not expect. The medications certainly can have an effect on him. Can you contact his social worker from the transplant team and talk to him/her? Do you have someone who would talk to you both in a neutral setting, someone from your faith community or a counselor? Have you been able to lovingly talk to him about your concerns?
Ginger
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2 ReactionsGinger thank you, we have exhausted all roads. We have been to counciling which he went once and when he doesn't like what they say he gets mad he refuses to go. He refuses to let the doctors or anyone speak to me so with Hippa I have my hands tied. We are going on 3 years of this behavior and it just keeps getting worse and worse. I want things to work I try to talk to him but he just blows up anytime you try to talk to him. The counselor said it could be steriods but she didn't know but she has seen him since before we were married and he was on dialysis. She says he is a different person also. I feel like he turned into the person he got the kidney from. I just want my husband back i will try the social worker and see if she can help. I didn't think of her.
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1 ReactionHi Didi, I add my welcome. You'll notice that I moved your message to this existing discussion where @lulujj777 talks of a similar issue. You may also be interested in reading similar experiences shared by @momoftwoboys @cindyt63 and others.
- Personality Change of Kidney Transplant Patient https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/personality-change-of-kidney-transplant-patient/
How long ago was your husband's transplant?
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1 ReactionHe had his transplant 3 years ago
Thank you Colleen for redirecting me to the others post it is exactly what I am going through. It is good to know I am not alone. It makes me feel a little better know it could be medicated related and that he is not purposely treating me horrible on purpose. I know he is suppose to be on steriods the rest of his life so I will have to try to have a conversation with him to see if maybe there are other options he can talk to the doctor about.
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2 ReactionsIt is so difficult to remember, when in the midst of the challenge of living with someone's medical or psychological behavior, that it is not necessarily "intentional." That is why the Caregiver group, or a Transplant support group, is SO important.
Remember - you are not alone. We welcome you to visit us here for assistance.
Sue
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