Sexless Marriage (when one partner is ill)

I'm a male retired nurse and we have similar issues that are not uncommon due to illness, age or meds. So finding a work around is important. Most women as they age develop vaginal atrophy, which is part of the normal aging process as the walls of the vagina thin with age intercourse becomes painful. Thankfully at 69 I'm still functioning normally but my partner does not for the reasons I just mentioned. What men as a whole don't understand is that you don't need to have penile intercourse to please a women. What women need to do is communicate with their significant other what they want and need. Pleasing a women is an art and women need to teach their preferred techniques to their men. Their are tons of helpful video's on YouTube on this subject to get you started. The women on the other hand needs to still please their man (since intercourse isn't happening) and I will stop there without any further explanation. Maybe it's time to learn some new tricks and spice up bedroom?

@jenatsky Very well put, its nice to see others that can see options. My case seems to have other factors as some of those options were available early in our marriage but now they are not. More of a battle of social issues for me.

It's really a hard situation when such happened in marriage. When it happens to the wife it's more worrying as the man may decide to have another woman to just satisfy himself for sex as it's inevitable. But when it happens to a man it's another hard situation as the lady may decide to go for for another man. My conclusions is that when such happened to either of the couples one have be very extra caring to the partner. Thanks.

We were married September 27, 1975. In 1998, I had ovarian cancer, and that's when sexual contact ended. And then physical contact faded. In 2007, my husband was diagnosed with Parkinson's, maybe that's why. Happily married, sure. But what about sexual care for myself? I know how to take care of my digestive system, my urinary system, my integumentary system, my skeletal system but what about my sexuality. And then you throw in religious hang ups. I would like some non pornographic answers, if you know what I mean. I'm surprised someone actually asked!!!

A Very good response LB...my husband was extremely ill, for 15 year's of our 25 years ❤ together. He did not make it through Heart Transplant Surgery, at age 64! He was the Best Man Ever in my life! Much more in life than sex! Sex does not make a marriage, and it NEVER did! BE thankful it's not you, sick! You are Very Blessed if you have your health! 15 years later I still wish my sick husband was here, I'd give anything to see him and hear his laugh!

My Dad had Prostate Cancer which left him unable to have an erection. Their marriage lasted another 15 yrs until he passed on.

Hi and to not get to much into detail certain forms of touching and massage are as erotic as intercourse. I find that upbringing has a lot to do with someone's views on Love Making from strait reproduction reasons to intimacies. I also know many hold to some teachings that they believe the Bible says about certain activities which if you truly understand the Bible have been used in ways to only allow intercourse for reproduction which I feel is false teachings. Now I'm not promoting lifestyles other than One Man and One Women for life marriages but within the confines of the marriage union I don't believe there are any hard fast rules on what is considered Love Making. I hope hat helps.

If someone you deeply love is sick, sexless marriage isn’t a good or bad idea it’s a reality. Treat that sick love one how you would want to be treated if the roles were reversed. That is what one flesh is about.

@annlopour, Connect is a safe place to talk about things that might be otherwise taboo. I'm glad you shared your experience with ovarian cancer and sexual wellbeing (or lack thereof). You might be interested in this:
- Help Mayo & UofMN understand gyne cancer & sexual health needs https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/help-mayo-uofmn-understand-gyne-cancer-sexual-health-needs/

No obligation of course, but wanted to make sure you saw the opportunity to help other women with gynecologic cancers.

Hello @okotan and welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. Thank you for joining the conversation and sharing what are likely fears of many going through this in their marriage.

Are you experiencing this first-hand and, if comfortable sharing, how long has your marriage been sexless?