The stars must be out of alignment! Had the same kind of start to my night the last two nights! Last night I had a dream that I was shaking uncontrollably! Hope tonight will be better!
Are you still having sub-zero temps? Is there still snow on the ground! When I drove up last week they had a what we would call a "blizzard" blow through with 8" of snow.
The Road was a little slick!
Take Care!
Sundance(RB)
We have had very changeable weather, and keeping fingers crossed no real bad storms where we live - yet - the lakes are mostly frozen over and daughter's partner has been "ice fishing" but standing on ice all day is not pleasant; years ago we had an "ice/fishing" shack but all that fun stuff has been replaced with illness, ageing.... at least we have some photos and memories. Yes Sundance will have snow on ground all winter, sometimes til April and driving is dangerous especially with unexpected "whiteouts".
Every night I wonder what the night will be like and how i will feel in the morning. Feel like I am slipping back and am having increase in pain and other issues but dont have dr. and dont want to go to see a dr and have more tests and more pills: sort of made a decision to take what comes but am wondering how much longer I can keep going mentally and physically. Main reason I would like to sleep longer is that there would be less hours in the day to get through, not feeling well and I would say, steadily worsening.... know I am not alone when I read others' issues but even as typing "ibs" bad for last hour so much pain, internal cramps and ssuch I am starting to moan.... the future is looking more bleak every day. If its not this its another body part.... off I go and have my own little pity party....bye for now, J.
Robin...am very happy for you that you have found a way to obtain peaceful sleep.. I was on a horse once when a child on holidays, for about 15 minutes and was scared.. first and last time as before coming to Canada lived in London UK so no horses around!....can imagine you on yours....sounds like a wonderful life.
Although I may be blessed by living in a small distant country the challenge of sleep is ubiquitous! I had some sleep problems a few months ago but am a complete believer that our mind is the best doctor. Self-leadership and visualisation are the keys. I changed my routines to ensure that:
I showered in the morning.
I went for a brisk walk each day about 4:00pm (now it is a run!)
I undertook exercises before bed and then had a shower.
In bed I visualised my wonderful years in the country on a ranch almost 60 years prior and the feelings of that location, the next day with my horse, rounding up cattle etc. In my bed I was in that aura.
I began to sleep through the night.
It was this process of self-leadership and visualisation that had previously got me through heart challenges and two major cancers.
robin615, I've never thought of the term "Self-Leadership"! The Best way I have heard it said! I had StageIV colon cancer. They couldn't get it all, so I started chemo. Within 10 days I was given a couple hours to live because of a reaction to 5FU drug. After I was on life support for 14 days I woke up.
That next 365 days I was traveling and working out of my motor home in the Rockies! I was on for all or part of 200 days on a trout stream fly-fishing. The cancer has not come back!
Seven years ago I had another reaction to a drug and fell down 20' of stairs and suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury. Was in a coma for seven days. Not supposed to walk again!
Here I am back again. Self-Leadership and Visualization is what saved me and have saved millions of others!
Thanks for the term!
From The land of Enchantment!
Sundance(RB)
We have had very changeable weather, and keeping fingers crossed no real bad storms where we live - yet - the lakes are mostly frozen over and daughter's partner has been "ice fishing" but standing on ice all day is not pleasant; years ago we had an "ice/fishing" shack but all that fun stuff has been replaced with illness, ageing.... at least we have some photos and memories. Yes Sundance will have snow on ground all winter, sometimes til April and driving is dangerous especially with unexpected "whiteouts".
Every night I wonder what the night will be like and how i will feel in the morning. Feel like I am slipping back and am having increase in pain and other issues but dont have dr. and dont want to go to see a dr and have more tests and more pills: sort of made a decision to take what comes but am wondering how much longer I can keep going mentally and physically. Main reason I would like to sleep longer is that there would be less hours in the day to get through, not feeling well and I would say, steadily worsening.... know I am not alone when I read others' issues but even as typing "ibs" bad for last hour so much pain, internal cramps and ssuch I am starting to moan.... the future is looking more bleak every day. If its not this its another body part.... off I go and have my own little pity party....bye for now, J.
Robin...am very happy for you that you have found a way to obtain peaceful sleep.. I was on a horse once when a child on holidays, for about 15 minutes and was scared.. first and last time as before coming to Canada lived in London UK so no horses around!....can imagine you on yours....sounds like a wonderful life.
J, have fished for 70 years, never could bring myself to go have my A$# set on the Ice for 8 hours.
We laugh in New Mexico that if you wait 30 minutes the weather will change!
robin 615 made an interesting observation about Self-Leadership and visualization helps you make it through anything!
Problem is No One told us what it would be like when we got old! I didn't think anything would change in my Life and Body!
How Stupid was I!
Most of the why I am having an episode of Lyme or fibromyalgia was doing to seeing my family this last week, except for my grandson!
A good friend tried to tell me that they were a lot of my illness was from them.
I now really realize it! Hope it won't take me to long to feel better again.
Take care of Yourself and stay safe and warm.
Sundance(B)
robin615, I've never thought of the term "Self-Leadership"! The Best way I have heard it said! I had StageIV colon cancer. They couldn't get it all, so I started chemo. Within 10 days I was given a couple hours to live because of a reaction to 5FU drug. After I was on life support for 14 days I woke up.
That next 365 days I was traveling and working out of my motor home in the Rockies! I was on for all or part of 200 days on a trout stream fly-fishing. The cancer has not come back!
Seven years ago I had another reaction to a drug and fell down 20' of stairs and suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury. Was in a coma for seven days. Not supposed to walk again!
Here I am back again. Self-Leadership and Visualization is what saved me and have saved millions of others!
Thanks for the term!
From The land of Enchantment!
Sundance(RB)
Leadership is an influence relationship through which the carer and loved one share a mutual vision to which they are individually and jointly committed. Influence is within each other through reflective internal communication with ourselves and, at key times, with each other. At virtually all times, for the carer, it is for the other. Self-leadership may be defined as the fulfilment of self-responsibility for framing the carer’s and loved one’s mutual vision with the consequent setting of goals and processes to realise this vision throughout the inevitable journey.
We have had very changeable weather, and keeping fingers crossed no real bad storms where we live - yet - the lakes are mostly frozen over and daughter's partner has been "ice fishing" but standing on ice all day is not pleasant; years ago we had an "ice/fishing" shack but all that fun stuff has been replaced with illness, ageing.... at least we have some photos and memories. Yes Sundance will have snow on ground all winter, sometimes til April and driving is dangerous especially with unexpected "whiteouts".
Every night I wonder what the night will be like and how i will feel in the morning. Feel like I am slipping back and am having increase in pain and other issues but dont have dr. and dont want to go to see a dr and have more tests and more pills: sort of made a decision to take what comes but am wondering how much longer I can keep going mentally and physically. Main reason I would like to sleep longer is that there would be less hours in the day to get through, not feeling well and I would say, steadily worsening.... know I am not alone when I read others' issues but even as typing "ibs" bad for last hour so much pain, internal cramps and ssuch I am starting to moan.... the future is looking more bleak every day. If its not this its another body part.... off I go and have my own little pity party....bye for now, J.
Robin...am very happy for you that you have found a way to obtain peaceful sleep.. I was on a horse once when a child on holidays, for about 15 minutes and was scared.. first and last time as before coming to Canada lived in London UK so no horses around!....can imagine you on yours....sounds like a wonderful life.
@lacy2 I'm glad that reading over member's posts help you feel like you are not alone.
It has to be a tough to wonder how much longer you can go on. I know you said you were uninterested in doctors and medications but would you be open to therapy? There are online options due to COVID-19.
Leadership is an influence relationship through which the carer and loved one share a mutual vision to which they are individually and jointly committed. Influence is within each other through reflective internal communication with ourselves and, at key times, with each other. At virtually all times, for the carer, it is for the other. Self-leadership may be defined as the fulfilment of self-responsibility for framing the carer’s and loved one’s mutual vision with the consequent setting of goals and processes to realise this vision throughout the inevitable journey.
@lacy2 I'm glad that reading over member's posts help you feel like you are not alone.
It has to be a tough to wonder how much longer you can go on. I know you said you were uninterested in doctors and medications but would you be open to therapy? There are online options due to COVID-19.
@erika... thank you so much for your post. I have seen quite a few drs. over the years and problem is I have reactions to meds; also Sept.2019 my dr. dismissed me from his practice - as he did others, then he left town after two years. We have about 400 waiting for family doctor. I go to a walk-in clinic speak with nurse then doctor comes on computer screen: they have been very good.. but I have some issues (bowels, ears - quite panful) and need hands on... have been waiting 9 months to see one ent and other one was a 2 year wait; and to see a gastro would be a wait but they tend to automatically want you to have a colonoscopy and at 77 and ill I dont feel up to it: so its "my fault" in that respect. ...neuropathy, permanent radiation damage to bladder, narrow angle Glaucoma, etc. etc. is overshadowed by long term anxiety and depression: as I think have said before I dont know how I got through working full time (with occcasional time off) and raised two adult children.
Now spouse home - had triple bypass surgery and hemothorax... so we are struggling. Thing is at a time in our life we could even order in food every night (financially) we both have bowel issues and cannot eat food that is good for us... even bland diet: almost daily diarrhea and I have had cdiff. from being given too many antibiotics; then over 120 vancomycin on top.Hour before bed last night I went bm. about 10 times.... mine is no longer formed and is paste and is messy and so painful...and pressure inside.. a tiny bit of blood but its from constant b.m.
Sorry: I didnt mean to write all this (as have before) but I just feel going to another unknown dr. and have invasive tests wont help. For a few months I have had a social worker phoning me and now once a week on zoom and she is trying cognitive therapy and I appreciate it but have tried it over the years and we have both come to the conclusion that when I have a few hours in a day when I am not hurting, my mood improves, and then one of my illnesses kicks into high gear and its amazing how low my mood gets so quickly.
I realize I am not alone in this battle , especially reading some posts on here, and I appreciate what has been done to try and help me, but I just get tired of it all. maybe a weakness but thats how I feel and I admire those who carry on and are positive.....I could take the Remeron prescribed but feel I would be a zombie so am just taking Clonazepam at bedtime, Synthorid. Imodium. Latanaporost eye drops. (I have read that some glaucoma drops can make depression worse, but apparently this isn't one of them but it does seem worse since I have been using since beg. 2018).
Hope I dont sound ungrateful for the life I have had but theres a lot more that has happened to me including undiagnosed cancer of cervix... for months told it was hygiene problem, then a dr. said "I cant see anything, and bad reaction to a med should never have been given, flown back home: and its like I still carry around all previous pain and suffering on top of present issues....but delaying treatment for six months in Toronto, was unknown to me my Dad in UK died from cancer..at the same time I was being treated!!! and it goes on and on....
my amazing daughters now say "we dont know what to say Mum" and my lovely spouse of 40 years says "I dont know what to do and cant deal with it right now " - as he is dealing with recovery and huge wound on leg from where they took veins... has dressing changed at home daily: so you see, I am having my own Pity Party ..the guest of honour is me but no invitations accepted!!!!.... as you can tell by my need to explain why....... yet some people conquer much higher mountains than my hill ! I feel between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Thanks again, J. and sorry to ramble on..............
@erika... thank you so much for your post. I have seen quite a few drs. over the years and problem is I have reactions to meds; also Sept.2019 my dr. dismissed me from his practice - as he did others, then he left town after two years. We have about 400 waiting for family doctor. I go to a walk-in clinic speak with nurse then doctor comes on computer screen: they have been very good.. but I have some issues (bowels, ears - quite panful) and need hands on... have been waiting 9 months to see one ent and other one was a 2 year wait; and to see a gastro would be a wait but they tend to automatically want you to have a colonoscopy and at 77 and ill I dont feel up to it: so its "my fault" in that respect. ...neuropathy, permanent radiation damage to bladder, narrow angle Glaucoma, etc. etc. is overshadowed by long term anxiety and depression: as I think have said before I dont know how I got through working full time (with occcasional time off) and raised two adult children.
Now spouse home - had triple bypass surgery and hemothorax... so we are struggling. Thing is at a time in our life we could even order in food every night (financially) we both have bowel issues and cannot eat food that is good for us... even bland diet: almost daily diarrhea and I have had cdiff. from being given too many antibiotics; then over 120 vancomycin on top.Hour before bed last night I went bm. about 10 times.... mine is no longer formed and is paste and is messy and so painful...and pressure inside.. a tiny bit of blood but its from constant b.m.
Sorry: I didnt mean to write all this (as have before) but I just feel going to another unknown dr. and have invasive tests wont help. For a few months I have had a social worker phoning me and now once a week on zoom and she is trying cognitive therapy and I appreciate it but have tried it over the years and we have both come to the conclusion that when I have a few hours in a day when I am not hurting, my mood improves, and then one of my illnesses kicks into high gear and its amazing how low my mood gets so quickly.
I realize I am not alone in this battle , especially reading some posts on here, and I appreciate what has been done to try and help me, but I just get tired of it all. maybe a weakness but thats how I feel and I admire those who carry on and are positive.....I could take the Remeron prescribed but feel I would be a zombie so am just taking Clonazepam at bedtime, Synthorid. Imodium. Latanaporost eye drops. (I have read that some glaucoma drops can make depression worse, but apparently this isn't one of them but it does seem worse since I have been using since beg. 2018).
Hope I dont sound ungrateful for the life I have had but theres a lot more that has happened to me including undiagnosed cancer of cervix... for months told it was hygiene problem, then a dr. said "I cant see anything, and bad reaction to a med should never have been given, flown back home: and its like I still carry around all previous pain and suffering on top of present issues....but delaying treatment for six months in Toronto, was unknown to me my Dad in UK died from cancer..at the same time I was being treated!!! and it goes on and on....
my amazing daughters now say "we dont know what to say Mum" and my lovely spouse of 40 years says "I dont know what to do and cant deal with it right now " - as he is dealing with recovery and huge wound on leg from where they took veins... has dressing changed at home daily: so you see, I am having my own Pity Party ..the guest of honour is me but no invitations accepted!!!!.... as you can tell by my need to explain why....... yet some people conquer much higher mountains than my hill ! I feel between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Thanks again, J. and sorry to ramble on..............
You're a lovely person. Thank you for sharing your struggles and challanges. Underneath all all your difficulties, I hear a lovely, uplifting person. I pray that peaceful moments grow to be many. May God bless you and keep you.
You're a lovely person. Thank you for sharing your struggles and challanges. Underneath all all your difficulties, I hear a lovely, uplifting person. I pray that peaceful moments grow to be many. May God bless you and keep you.
...thank you victorkach for your kind words: over the years and with accumulating illnesses I honestly don't feel like the same person I used to be, as now unable to function as once did and even to the point of being grumpy! - thank you for recognizing that I did "used to be" a person of worth and still may have a little left in me! J.S.
J, have fished for 70 years, never could bring myself to go have my A$# set on the Ice for 8 hours.
We laugh in New Mexico that if you wait 30 minutes the weather will change!
robin 615 made an interesting observation about Self-Leadership and visualization helps you make it through anything!
Problem is No One told us what it would be like when we got old! I didn't think anything would change in my Life and Body!
How Stupid was I!
Most of the why I am having an episode of Lyme or fibromyalgia was doing to seeing my family this last week, except for my grandson!
A good friend tried to tell me that they were a lot of my illness was from them.
I now really realize it! Hope it won't take me to long to feel better again.
Take care of Yourself and stay safe and warm.
Sundance(B)
Hope you are feeling better today Sundance... that was a long drive and probably lots of emotion with your grandson/family and change in temperature, sleep changes.. probably did set off an episode of your illnesses .... they say even happy events can be stressful..... must have been hard having to say goodbye but maybe when he is older he will come and visit you....now you are home and back in your routine hopefully it will settle things down... I know what its like to have family at a distance, with them in UK and me in Canada: what was I thinking? Haven't looked up "self leadership yet" ... I agree, I thought growing older just meant grey hair and wrinkles... thats cos I aged with no parents here - I only had letters and phone calls and wasn't part of their painful ageing/deaths. and I think thats why my daughters dont "get" what I am going through, as they didn't grow up with grandparents.. sorry, getting a bit complicated here, but when they haven't been around or cared for older/ill relatives, they don't understand and why would they? I don't understand it myself!!! I never cared for my parents when ill being 3000 miles away ... maybe if I had seen how they coped, I might be coping better.. .... will never know will I? Very interested in looking up that self leadership later on...
does it help with sleep?
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We have had very changeable weather, and keeping fingers crossed no real bad storms where we live - yet - the lakes are mostly frozen over and daughter's partner has been "ice fishing" but standing on ice all day is not pleasant; years ago we had an "ice/fishing" shack but all that fun stuff has been replaced with illness, ageing.... at least we have some photos and memories. Yes Sundance will have snow on ground all winter, sometimes til April and driving is dangerous especially with unexpected "whiteouts".
Every night I wonder what the night will be like and how i will feel in the morning. Feel like I am slipping back and am having increase in pain and other issues but dont have dr. and dont want to go to see a dr and have more tests and more pills: sort of made a decision to take what comes but am wondering how much longer I can keep going mentally and physically. Main reason I would like to sleep longer is that there would be less hours in the day to get through, not feeling well and I would say, steadily worsening.... know I am not alone when I read others' issues but even as typing "ibs" bad for last hour so much pain, internal cramps and ssuch I am starting to moan.... the future is looking more bleak every day. If its not this its another body part.... off I go and have my own little pity party....bye for now, J.
Robin...am very happy for you that you have found a way to obtain peaceful sleep.. I was on a horse once when a child on holidays, for about 15 minutes and was scared.. first and last time as before coming to Canada lived in London UK so no horses around!....can imagine you on yours....sounds like a wonderful life.
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1 Reactionrobin615, I've never thought of the term "Self-Leadership"! The Best way I have heard it said! I had StageIV colon cancer. They couldn't get it all, so I started chemo. Within 10 days I was given a couple hours to live because of a reaction to 5FU drug. After I was on life support for 14 days I woke up.
That next 365 days I was traveling and working out of my motor home in the Rockies! I was on for all or part of 200 days on a trout stream fly-fishing. The cancer has not come back!
Seven years ago I had another reaction to a drug and fell down 20' of stairs and suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury. Was in a coma for seven days. Not supposed to walk again!
Here I am back again. Self-Leadership and Visualization is what saved me and have saved millions of others!
Thanks for the term!
From The land of Enchantment!
Sundance(RB)
J, have fished for 70 years, never could bring myself to go have my A$# set on the Ice for 8 hours.
We laugh in New Mexico that if you wait 30 minutes the weather will change!
robin 615 made an interesting observation about Self-Leadership and visualization helps you make it through anything!
Problem is No One told us what it would be like when we got old! I didn't think anything would change in my Life and Body!
How Stupid was I!
Most of the why I am having an episode of Lyme or fibromyalgia was doing to seeing my family this last week, except for my grandson!
A good friend tried to tell me that they were a lot of my illness was from them.
I now really realize it! Hope it won't take me to long to feel better again.
Take care of Yourself and stay safe and warm.
Sundance(B)
Leadership is an influence relationship through which the carer and loved one share a mutual vision to which they are individually and jointly committed. Influence is within each other through reflective internal communication with ourselves and, at key times, with each other. At virtually all times, for the carer, it is for the other. Self-leadership may be defined as the fulfilment of self-responsibility for framing the carer’s and loved one’s mutual vision with the consequent setting of goals and processes to realise this vision throughout the inevitable journey.
@lacy2 I'm glad that reading over member's posts help you feel like you are not alone.
It has to be a tough to wonder how much longer you can go on. I know you said you were uninterested in doctors and medications but would you be open to therapy? There are online options due to COVID-19.
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Helpful -
Hug
1 ReactionHi Sundance and Robin.... oh I will have to Internet search Leadership as I don't quite understand what it means....J
@erika... thank you so much for your post. I have seen quite a few drs. over the years and problem is I have reactions to meds; also Sept.2019 my dr. dismissed me from his practice - as he did others, then he left town after two years. We have about 400 waiting for family doctor. I go to a walk-in clinic speak with nurse then doctor comes on computer screen: they have been very good.. but I have some issues (bowels, ears - quite panful) and need hands on... have been waiting 9 months to see one ent and other one was a 2 year wait; and to see a gastro would be a wait but they tend to automatically want you to have a colonoscopy and at 77 and ill I dont feel up to it: so its "my fault" in that respect. ...neuropathy, permanent radiation damage to bladder, narrow angle Glaucoma, etc. etc. is overshadowed by long term anxiety and depression: as I think have said before I dont know how I got through working full time (with occcasional time off) and raised two adult children.
Now spouse home - had triple bypass surgery and hemothorax... so we are struggling. Thing is at a time in our life we could even order in food every night (financially) we both have bowel issues and cannot eat food that is good for us... even bland diet: almost daily diarrhea and I have had cdiff. from being given too many antibiotics; then over 120 vancomycin on top.Hour before bed last night I went bm. about 10 times.... mine is no longer formed and is paste and is messy and so painful...and pressure inside.. a tiny bit of blood but its from constant b.m.
Sorry: I didnt mean to write all this (as have before) but I just feel going to another unknown dr. and have invasive tests wont help. For a few months I have had a social worker phoning me and now once a week on zoom and she is trying cognitive therapy and I appreciate it but have tried it over the years and we have both come to the conclusion that when I have a few hours in a day when I am not hurting, my mood improves, and then one of my illnesses kicks into high gear and its amazing how low my mood gets so quickly.
I realize I am not alone in this battle , especially reading some posts on here, and I appreciate what has been done to try and help me, but I just get tired of it all. maybe a weakness but thats how I feel and I admire those who carry on and are positive.....I could take the Remeron prescribed but feel I would be a zombie so am just taking Clonazepam at bedtime, Synthorid. Imodium. Latanaporost eye drops. (I have read that some glaucoma drops can make depression worse, but apparently this isn't one of them but it does seem worse since I have been using since beg. 2018).
Hope I dont sound ungrateful for the life I have had but theres a lot more that has happened to me including undiagnosed cancer of cervix... for months told it was hygiene problem, then a dr. said "I cant see anything, and bad reaction to a med should never have been given, flown back home: and its like I still carry around all previous pain and suffering on top of present issues....but delaying treatment for six months in Toronto, was unknown to me my Dad in UK died from cancer..at the same time I was being treated!!! and it goes on and on....
my amazing daughters now say "we dont know what to say Mum" and my lovely spouse of 40 years says "I dont know what to do and cant deal with it right now " - as he is dealing with recovery and huge wound on leg from where they took veins... has dressing changed at home daily: so you see, I am having my own Pity Party ..the guest of honour is me but no invitations accepted!!!!.... as you can tell by my need to explain why....... yet some people conquer much higher mountains than my hill ! I feel between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Thanks again, J. and sorry to ramble on..............
You're a lovely person. Thank you for sharing your struggles and challanges. Underneath all all your difficulties, I hear a lovely, uplifting person. I pray that peaceful moments grow to be many. May God bless you and keep you.
...thank you victorkach for your kind words: over the years and with accumulating illnesses I honestly don't feel like the same person I used to be, as now unable to function as once did and even to the point of being grumpy! - thank you for recognizing that I did "used to be" a person of worth and still may have a little left in me! J.S.
Hope you are feeling better today Sundance... that was a long drive and probably lots of emotion with your grandson/family and change in temperature, sleep changes.. probably did set off an episode of your illnesses .... they say even happy events can be stressful..... must have been hard having to say goodbye but maybe when he is older he will come and visit you....now you are home and back in your routine hopefully it will settle things down... I know what its like to have family at a distance, with them in UK and me in Canada: what was I thinking? Haven't looked up "self leadership yet" ... I agree, I thought growing older just meant grey hair and wrinkles... thats cos I aged with no parents here - I only had letters and phone calls and wasn't part of their painful ageing/deaths. and I think thats why my daughters dont "get" what I am going through, as they didn't grow up with grandparents.. sorry, getting a bit complicated here, but when they haven't been around or cared for older/ill relatives, they don't understand and why would they? I don't understand it myself!!! I never cared for my parents when ill being 3000 miles away ... maybe if I had seen how they coped, I might be coping better.. .... will never know will I? Very interested in looking up that self leadership later on...
does it help with sleep?