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A New Kind of Grief in These Times

Posted by Ginger, Volunteer Mentor @gingerw, Apr 7, 2020

If you are like me, you might be feeling uncomfortable, unsteady in your daily activities, perhaps unable to pinpoint just why you feel "off".

Our lives have been turned upside down recently, and this might continue for the near future, but it is not permanent. How we relate to people has changed, how we spend our days is quieter [unless you have kids at home!], a nonchalant hug to a friend is not a good idea. Gatherings, like a meeting, a health club, a place of worship, a sports activity, even school, are but a temporary memory. We have had to become better versed in technology to stay connected, if we want to visit. Celebrations and memorials are on hold.

I was recently given this article, and it really makes sense to me! While my personality lends itself to social isolation, I still miss the occasional interaction with my fellow humans.

- That Discomfort You’re Feeling Is Grief https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief

What do you grieve in these times? How are you handling this discomfort/grief, what are you doing to minimize lasting effects?

 

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Post-COVID Recovery & COVID-19 Support Group.

Allison Bones | @team4travis | Apr 13, 2020
In reply to @merpreb "@team4travis- Thank you I did realize that. How long ago was your last loss? After my..." + (show)
@merpreb

@team4travis- Thank you I did realize that. How long ago was your last loss? After my niece was killed I couldn't be around general chit chat or hear anyone complain about inconsequential things, as you have stated. I should have mentioned this. I couldn't put myself in their place for anything and I didn't try. I was so angry. I was just glad that my mom wasn't alive to witness the horrors of her death. Someone asked me how I kept going? I just did, one tiny step at a time, even if I was blinded with anger and that pain you get I still took those steps. It sounds as if you have too.

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@merpreb, my last losses came almost back-to-back in 2018. My husband died of colorectal cancer on March 25, 2018. With his 3-year cancer battle, we knew he would die, we just weren't expecting it so quickly. The Wednesday before he died, he started radiation (again). He confessed to me he would fight as hard as he could for as long as he could so as not to leave me and our then 3 1/2 year old son, he said "If I can just get a few more years until Travis is 8 or 9, so he will have better memories of me..." My husband died 4 days later. I felt I had to be strong for Travis, be both mother and father and keep his young life as normal as possible. In August, we celebrated Travis's 4th birthday. 6 days later (and 5 months to the day my husband died) Travis was dead, all because no one ever detected he was born without a spleen (the rare genetic birth defect Isolated Congenital Asplenia). Like you, I am somehow finding ways to keep taking those steps and keep moving forward with TEAM 4 Travis, in the hope that our efforts can prevent another family from losing a child to ICA.

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1 reply
zep | @zep | Apr 13, 2020
In reply to @team4travis "@merpreb, my last losses came almost back-to-back in 2018. My husband died of colorectal cancer on..." + (show)
@team4travis

@merpreb, my last losses came almost back-to-back in 2018. My husband died of colorectal cancer on March 25, 2018. With his 3-year cancer battle, we knew he would die, we just weren't expecting it so quickly. The Wednesday before he died, he started radiation (again). He confessed to me he would fight as hard as he could for as long as he could so as not to leave me and our then 3 1/2 year old son, he said "If I can just get a few more years until Travis is 8 or 9, so he will have better memories of me..." My husband died 4 days later. I felt I had to be strong for Travis, be both mother and father and keep his young life as normal as possible. In August, we celebrated Travis's 4th birthday. 6 days later (and 5 months to the day my husband died) Travis was dead, all because no one ever detected he was born without a spleen (the rare genetic birth defect Isolated Congenital Asplenia). Like you, I am somehow finding ways to keep taking those steps and keep moving forward with TEAM 4 Travis, in the hope that our efforts can prevent another family from losing a child to ICA.

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Alison, I am simply in awe of your courage and strength. Other than that, I can find no words. May you find solace in your Team 4 Travis efforts.

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Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Apr 13, 2020
In reply to @mamacita "@Chris Trout, @Colleen Young, @Gingerw, and everyone out there in Mayo Clinic Connect Land. Miss you,..." + (show)
@mamacita

@Chris Trout, @Colleen Young, @gingerw, and everyone out there in Mayo Clinic Connect Land. Miss you, love you, and need you.

Feel like I have to start over at square one. I cannot say that I am depressed. But if I saw my symptoms in someone else, I fear that would be the case. I did not even want to get up out of bed this morning. Our area was hit by tornadoes last night. No damage in our small town.

I question a lot. But one thing I absolutely do not question is why me. Why Not me?

Hopefully we can all come out of this wiser, humbler, and more caring. More resilient.

Courageous.

XOX,
Mamacita Jane

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@mamacita We are right here for you. You are strong, you are courageous. And, yes, if you feel depressed, you have certainly earned that right to be in that spot for now, with all that is going on. Are you able to carve out some time for yourself, even 5 minutes a couple of times a day?

So very glad to hear no one in your town was damaged by the tornadoes, but how scary it must have been!

We will all pull together and be wiser, more caring, more humble. And leaning on each other/being there for each other.
Many blessings, and a gentle [cyber] hugs coming your way,
Ginger

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Mentor
Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | Apr 13, 2020
In reply to @mamacita "@Chris Trout, @Colleen Young, @Gingerw, and everyone out there in Mayo Clinic Connect Land. Miss you,..." + (show)
@mamacita

@Chris Trout, @Colleen Young, @gingerw, and everyone out there in Mayo Clinic Connect Land. Miss you, love you, and need you.

Feel like I have to start over at square one. I cannot say that I am depressed. But if I saw my symptoms in someone else, I fear that would be the case. I did not even want to get up out of bed this morning. Our area was hit by tornadoes last night. No damage in our small town.

I question a lot. But one thing I absolutely do not question is why me. Why Not me?

Hopefully we can all come out of this wiser, humbler, and more caring. More resilient.

Courageous.

XOX,
Mamacita Jane

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@mamacita Your postings always give me such strength. Please use some of that strength to care for yourself so you can continue to care for your family. Becky

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Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | Apr 13, 2020
In reply to @gingerw "@mamacita We are right here for you. You are strong, you are courageous. And, yes, if..." + (show)
@gingerw

@mamacita We are right here for you. You are strong, you are courageous. And, yes, if you feel depressed, you have certainly earned that right to be in that spot for now, with all that is going on. Are you able to carve out some time for yourself, even 5 minutes a couple of times a day?

So very glad to hear no one in your town was damaged by the tornadoes, but how scary it must have been!

We will all pull together and be wiser, more caring, more humble. And leaning on each other/being there for each other.
Many blessings, and a gentle [cyber] hugs coming your way,
Ginger

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@gingerw ,I've been binge watching Call the Midwife and NCIS New Orleans.

We had carryout for a late lunch. Got a few phone calls from social worker, heart surgeon, and placed a couple calls for paying bills. Couple other communications, more complicated.

Prayers and hugs. Take care, everyone.
Mamacita Jane

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Mentor
Rachel, Volunteer Mentor | @rwinney | Apr 15, 2020

Hello all - I'm just joining this thread and am touched by such wonderful people, stories, fears and concerns during our delicate state of existence. I won't go on and on but, I will share what hangs on my door that my daughter and I made. Be safe, be well, be encouraged that life will resume and we will all be better humans.
Best wishes,
Rachel
REPLY
1 reply
fiesty76 | @fiesty76 | Apr 15, 2020
In reply to @rwinney "Hello all - I'm just joining this thread and am touched by such wonderful people, stories,..." + (show)
@rwinney

Hello all - I'm just joining this thread and am touched by such wonderful people, stories, fears and concerns during our delicate state of existence. I won't go on and on but, I will share what hangs on my door that my daughter and I made. Be safe, be well, be encouraged that life will resume and we will all be better humans.
Best wishes,
Rachel

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Rachel, this is lovely.

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