A New Kind of Grief in These Times

Posted by Ginger, Volunteer Mentor @gingerw, Apr 7 7:07pm

If you are like me, you might be feeling uncomfortable, unsteady in your daily activities, perhaps unable to pinpoint just why you feel “off”.

Our lives have been turned upside down recently, and this might continue for the near future, but it is not permanent. How we relate to people has changed, how we spend our days is quieter [unless you have kids at home!], a nonchalant hug to a friend is not a good idea. Gatherings, like a meeting, a health club, a place of worship, a sports activity, even school, are but a temporary memory. We have had to become better versed in technology to stay connected, if we want to visit. Celebrations and memorials are on hold.

I was recently given this article, and it really makes sense to me! While my personality lends itself to social isolation, I still miss the occasional interaction with my fellow humans.

– That Discomfort You’re Feeling Is Grief https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief

What do you grieve in these times? How are you handling this discomfort/grief, what are you doing to minimize lasting effects?

 

@sueinmn

@zep Wow, you sure are caught in a frightening spiral. Added to the current chaos we are experiencing, no wonder you are feeling anxious.
May I ask what led you to try magnesium citrate to lower your blood pressure, because I have not seen that suggested before? This medication is typically used to clean out the digestive tract before colonoscopy or other procedures, so perhaps it is the cause of your digestive distress. Please contact your np and discuss what you are experiencing. In order to get good advice you will need to let her know you tried a different drug instead of the prescribed metoprolol. Also, once a harsh laxative such as magnesium citrate has been used for a while, it is not unusual to experience intermittent diarrhea/constipation while your body tries to readjust itself!
Let us know how you are doing
Sue

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Sue, thank you for your reply. First, I should say my memory is really messing with me. I checked my little med notebook to see when I started taking the mag, and remembered that it was likely that a new scrip for Cytomel, on top of my usual Synthroid, had triggered the weight loss. How could I forget that? The Cytomel plus a single Citalopram for my bipolar, dredged up after I'd discontinued them as unnecessary, but popped one for anxiety (stupid, I now know) precipitated the high BP ER trip, they said at the ER. Then the digestive probs took over and have caused continued weight loss. The magnesium supplement I take (Mg Bright) is poorly labeled, but apparently is malate, not citrate. I take no more than the RDA, and it doesn't put a dent in the constipation. I do think it is ameliorating the high BP, but I could be wrong. It is supposed to be a relaxing sleep enhancer also, another reason I am taking it. But your comment has caused me to realize I need to be more careful. Going back in person to the N.P. is a tricky option these days, but calling her would make sense. Thanks for the sound advice. I will transfer this gut problem to the digestive problem discussion, since that is its main thrust. Glad I found Mayo Connect. Such very good people here.

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@zep

Fiesty76, oh my goodness, thank you so much for your very helpful reply. (for one thing, it reminded me I too have diverticulosis, or itis, I forget which) It's so interesting that a doc-prescribed drug for diabetes gave you all those problems, and that ginger helped. You never know. And you are right; the weight loss is the most worrying of the symptoms I have. In ordinary times, I would have seen a doctor about it already. But then, in ordinary times, it probably wouldn't be happening.

I am so sorry you have CKD, and the other diagnoses. Thank you for reaching out to me. Best wishes to you in your struggle.

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You are so welcome, @zep and thank you for the good wishes. Divert. is a bear as you know!..and so is constipation!

With divert. I ff'd a very strict re-introduction of certain foods, charting my meals and frightened of another bout. We each are so different with maladies and symptoms but in my situation, diarrhea vs constipation was the big culprit.

I'm just wondering, if a call to your doctor, who knows your health history, might make it possible for a prescription for something by phone which could be delivered?

When stressed, I've always tended to lose my appetite; others report they eat more. I'm just wondering if others are experiencing and reporting more digestive upsets now. Regardless, sudden, ongoing, undiagnosed wt loss and more frequent constipation are concerning. I'm sincerely hoping you can do some research, reach out to your doc and find some relief and help. Best to you.

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@Chris Trout, @Colleen Young, @gingerw, and everyone out there in Mayo Clinic Connect Land. Miss you, love you, and need you.

Feel like I have to start over at square one. I cannot say that I am depressed. But if I saw my symptoms in someone else, I fear that would be the case. I did not even want to get up out of bed this morning. Our area was hit by tornadoes last night. No damage in our small town.

I question a lot. But one thing I absolutely do not question is why me. Why Not me?

Hopefully we can all come out of this wiser, humbler, and more caring. More resilient.

Courageous.

XOX,
Mamacita Jane

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@mamacita

@Chris Trout, @Colleen Young, @gingerw, and everyone out there in Mayo Clinic Connect Land. Miss you, love you, and need you.

Feel like I have to start over at square one. I cannot say that I am depressed. But if I saw my symptoms in someone else, I fear that would be the case. I did not even want to get up out of bed this morning. Our area was hit by tornadoes last night. No damage in our small town.

I question a lot. But one thing I absolutely do not question is why me. Why Not me?

Hopefully we can all come out of this wiser, humbler, and more caring. More resilient.

Courageous.

XOX,
Mamacita Jane

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@mamacita you are most definitely courageous. Thank you for letting us know you are safe from tornadoes that ripped through the south. Praying for family and friends that live in the area. Mostly thank you for your words that encourage your mentor, moderator and member cyber friends. Blessings on your day.

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@merpreb

@team4travis– Thank you I did realize that. How long ago was your last loss? After my niece was killed I couldn't be around general chit chat or hear anyone complain about inconsequential things, as you have stated. I should have mentioned this. I couldn't put myself in their place for anything and I didn't try. I was so angry. I was just glad that my mom wasn't alive to witness the horrors of her death. Someone asked me how I kept going? I just did, one tiny step at a time, even if I was blinded with anger and that pain you get I still took those steps. It sounds as if you have too.

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@merpreb, my last losses came almost back-to-back in 2018. My husband died of colorectal cancer on March 25, 2018. With his 3-year cancer battle, we knew he would die, we just weren't expecting it so quickly. The Wednesday before he died, he started radiation (again). He confessed to me he would fight as hard as he could for as long as he could so as not to leave me and our then 3 1/2 year old son, he said "If I can just get a few more years until Travis is 8 or 9, so he will have better memories of me…" My husband died 4 days later. I felt I had to be strong for Travis, be both mother and father and keep his young life as normal as possible. In August, we celebrated Travis's 4th birthday. 6 days later (and 5 months to the day my husband died) Travis was dead, all because no one ever detected he was born without a spleen (the rare genetic birth defect Isolated Congenital Asplenia). Like you, I am somehow finding ways to keep taking those steps and keep moving forward with TEAM 4 Travis, in the hope that our efforts can prevent another family from losing a child to ICA.

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@team4travis

@merpreb, my last losses came almost back-to-back in 2018. My husband died of colorectal cancer on March 25, 2018. With his 3-year cancer battle, we knew he would die, we just weren't expecting it so quickly. The Wednesday before he died, he started radiation (again). He confessed to me he would fight as hard as he could for as long as he could so as not to leave me and our then 3 1/2 year old son, he said "If I can just get a few more years until Travis is 8 or 9, so he will have better memories of me…" My husband died 4 days later. I felt I had to be strong for Travis, be both mother and father and keep his young life as normal as possible. In August, we celebrated Travis's 4th birthday. 6 days later (and 5 months to the day my husband died) Travis was dead, all because no one ever detected he was born without a spleen (the rare genetic birth defect Isolated Congenital Asplenia). Like you, I am somehow finding ways to keep taking those steps and keep moving forward with TEAM 4 Travis, in the hope that our efforts can prevent another family from losing a child to ICA.

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Alison, I am simply in awe of your courage and strength. Other than that, I can find no words. May you find solace in your Team 4 Travis efforts.

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@mamacita

@Chris Trout, @Colleen Young, @gingerw, and everyone out there in Mayo Clinic Connect Land. Miss you, love you, and need you.

Feel like I have to start over at square one. I cannot say that I am depressed. But if I saw my symptoms in someone else, I fear that would be the case. I did not even want to get up out of bed this morning. Our area was hit by tornadoes last night. No damage in our small town.

I question a lot. But one thing I absolutely do not question is why me. Why Not me?

Hopefully we can all come out of this wiser, humbler, and more caring. More resilient.

Courageous.

XOX,
Mamacita Jane

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@mamacita We are right here for you. You are strong, you are courageous. And, yes, if you feel depressed, you have certainly earned that right to be in that spot for now, with all that is going on. Are you able to carve out some time for yourself, even 5 minutes a couple of times a day?

So very glad to hear no one in your town was damaged by the tornadoes, but how scary it must have been!

We will all pull together and be wiser, more caring, more humble. And leaning on each other/being there for each other.
Many blessings, and a gentle [cyber] hugs coming your way,
Ginger

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@mamacita

@Chris Trout, @Colleen Young, @gingerw, and everyone out there in Mayo Clinic Connect Land. Miss you, love you, and need you.

Feel like I have to start over at square one. I cannot say that I am depressed. But if I saw my symptoms in someone else, I fear that would be the case. I did not even want to get up out of bed this morning. Our area was hit by tornadoes last night. No damage in our small town.

I question a lot. But one thing I absolutely do not question is why me. Why Not me?

Hopefully we can all come out of this wiser, humbler, and more caring. More resilient.

Courageous.

XOX,
Mamacita Jane

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@mamacita Your postings always give me such strength. Please use some of that strength to care for yourself so you can continue to care for your family. Becky

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@gingerw

@mamacita We are right here for you. You are strong, you are courageous. And, yes, if you feel depressed, you have certainly earned that right to be in that spot for now, with all that is going on. Are you able to carve out some time for yourself, even 5 minutes a couple of times a day?

So very glad to hear no one in your town was damaged by the tornadoes, but how scary it must have been!

We will all pull together and be wiser, more caring, more humble. And leaning on each other/being there for each other.
Many blessings, and a gentle [cyber] hugs coming your way,
Ginger

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@gingerw ,I've been binge watching Call the Midwife and NCIS New Orleans.

We had carryout for a late lunch. Got a few phone calls from social worker, heart surgeon, and placed a couple calls for paying bills. Couple other communications, more complicated.

Prayers and hugs. Take care, everyone.
Mamacita Jane

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Hello all – I'm just joining this thread and am touched by such wonderful people, stories, fears and concerns during our delicate state of existence. I won't go on and on but, I will share what hangs on my door that my daughter and I made. Be safe, be well, be encouraged that life will resume and we will all be better humans.
Best wishes,
Rachel

20200408_180118

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@rwinney

Hello all – I'm just joining this thread and am touched by such wonderful people, stories, fears and concerns during our delicate state of existence. I won't go on and on but, I will share what hangs on my door that my daughter and I made. Be safe, be well, be encouraged that life will resume and we will all be better humans.
Best wishes,
Rachel

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Rachel, this is lovely.

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