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Spouse of a 100 percent disabled veteran.
I feel that when strangers come up to thank my husband for his service they really really don't realize that the spouse is a person that is normally always the one keeping it together. My husband and I has been married for 14 years and we have a 13 year old daughter and he got hurt 3 years after we got married. He was a special forces non-compliant boat border overseas. If you seen the movie Captain Phillips with Tom Hanks at the very end that's the stuff that he used to do. My husband got hurt when his luck on his line that he was boarding the boat with broke and he fell in a backbend on a corner of a cargo box and then hit the boat. Basically falling about 25 ft. Ever since then every day of our lives involves pain. we can never go anywhere or do anything or even walk our dogs without preparing his medication so he can leave and be somewhat pain free. I know that some of y'all probably don't think that this is that bad as having an illness or someone who is terminal. Hopefully I'll do understand that the family that surround you are also affected by the fact that they care about you. I feel like I'm basically watching my husband die a slow death. The first 10 years of pain he struggled with medication the VA gave him which of course was the hard ones. In which he would take them all in 2 weeks or less and then he would go without medicine for several weeks after and that meant the roof would come off my house. his back injuries are so bad that I have to rub him 24/7 to the point where now I have rheumatoid arthritis all in my hands and my arms. And I have a horrible horrible anxiety and panic attacks. I basically call it I guess a secondary exposure to PTSD. He's always falling or screaming at 6 a.m. in the morning because he's in pain or he hurts himself by accident by falling. Which means I have to come to the rescue 24/7. I believe in the sanctity of marriage. I've seen a lot of my husband's friends being left by their wives and children and not long after I hate to say they get worse and sometimes die. I guess what I'm trying to say is this website is all new to me and you would think that they would have more of an outreach for the spouses of these kind of veterans. The only ones that I've found so far are the young wives complaining about how long their husbands are gone overseas for duty. I've been there done that and I hate to say... Nevermind I'm not going to give my opinion about that. When you marry me military you know what you're getting yourself into. It's not when they're gone is the problem it's how they come back. And since my husband whistle special forces soldier it has caused myself so much trauma that I have no one to talk to. My family doesn't understand I have no friends and like I said the roots that I tried to talk to their problems were so small. Literally every day is different in my home I'm always on edge and wondering what's going to happen next. I still work few hours a week just to get out of the house but even then I'm getting phone calls every 5 minutes because he forgets because of his TBI. Thank God my job loves me. So if anyone would like to talk about things that they go through that are similar or even just to talk to please message me. It'll be nice to be able to relate to someone that's like me. Sleepless nights,slamming doors, withdraw, anger episodes. I'll to the point where nobody wants to be around you your house or nothing. Thank you for listening to my story
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I am so sorry that you are going through this. My husband is a veteran but not disabled so I don't really know what you are going through. I do know about the challenges with the VA through his brother who is a disabled veteran. Maybe Wounded Warrior Project could help? We are here to help and support each other and we are very glad that you found us. Your situation sounds really difficult and complicated. Not to suggest that this is the solution for you, but I have found that seeing a counselor helps because it gives you someone outside the situation who can help you through it. Hugs to you and thank you for YOUR service. We know that it's not only the veteran who serves, the whole family does.
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2 ReactionsI'm so glad to hear from someone that goes through the same things as me. My husband joined right after 9/11 and he moved all the way up to special forces Black ops. And he got injured very badly. So you know all the side effects from all that stuff. I will enjoy having conversations with y'all if you want to continue. Instead of going through this page you can private message me. you have literally been the first person and I texted or messaged that knows literally everything I go through on a daily basis thank you very much. Please email me
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1 ReactionHi. I sent you a private message through the Mayo Connect platform since we're not supposed to give out personal contact information to protect against spammers / scammers. Hope that will work for you. To access it, click on the envelope icon at the top right of the page. Hope you are okay.
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1 ReactionGood morning @veteranspouseinpain I am so glad you found this group. We’re an online community who share our experiences, give support, and help others fin good information. We’re not doctors, though, so don’t give medical advice.
My husband and son are both retired army but neither was injured when deployed.
Have you been able to get help from any of the veterans service groups in your area? Would you say that your biggest is needing social/emotional support?
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1 ReactionNo thank u for replying. I've been off line for about a week cause I got into a accident. But I would love to talk whenever. I don't work much cause I have to watch and take care of him.
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1 ReactionI can't seem to get into my actual profile for some reason so I might not have gotten your post
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1 ReactionThey have places near the VA but that's all the way in Houston and I live on the outskirts of Houston. In-between my job and taking care of my husband and my daughter who is home-schooled with a 37 degree angle and her spine for scoliosis it's hard to find time. And not only that I feel that most of these programs are more for the warriors themselves bc they need it more. But it's us wives and spouses that's taking it all in having high anxiety because of late night I don't know what you call it. Flashbacks. Yelling in dreams. my anxiety level has gone to the point that I've been seeing doctors and therapist and psychologist. I also go to the gym to help get my energy up because I feel like his pain and isn't PTSD and is TBI are draining my energy if that make sense to you. It is all helping. But it's the Deep stuff that I need to talk about and get out and wonder if other people are going through the late night stuff like I do and daytime.
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1 ReactionIf you are on a mobile device, click on the Menu (3 lines stacked on top of each other) in the top right, then select Messages.
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2 ReactionsSo sorry to pry, but my wife and I also had a home schooled daughter who had significant scoliosis. We would have homeschooled regardless but it was convenient given she had to wear an armpit to thigh plastic brace as part of her therapy, and you know how kids can be about picking on each other.
Anyway, she had a double curve. The 2nd trying to compensate for the first. I can't remember the percent curve, but the whole series of events after her diagnosis is indelible for both my wife and i.
The most unique thing about her scoliosis was it started when she was a toddler. Scoliosis as you know is typically an adolescent girls problem so hers definitely did not follow that pattern.
We found out hers was a neurological issue present at birth.
She is currently 31 years old and so far othwise healthy, but with her curves, she could have future health issues. Before I go on, let me know if this is relevant to you. It's clear I'm not over it and never will be. My wife worries about it openly all the time. Mine is more silent, but nonetheless as painful to relive in my memories.
Thanks and sorry if this info isn't helpful. As parents you NEVER quit worrying about your kids.
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3 Reactions@veteranspouseinpain I found some links that may or may not be able to assist you. They state they offer services for spouses/ caregivers, and I sincerely hope that you are able to find some comfort for your situation. I have not been in your shoes, but empathize with the very real struggle you face.
https://www.va.gov/family-member-benefits/
https://www.texvet.org/PTSD
https://www.tvc.texas.gov/claims/family-survivors/#hyZZLDms
It is my hope you find Mayo Connect to be a place you can share your story, for no doubt you will help others as you voice it.
Ginger
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2 Reactions