Spouse of a 100 percent disabled veteran.

I feel that when strangers come up to thank my husband for his service they really really don't realize that the spouse is a person that is normally always the one keeping it together. My husband and I has been married for 14 years and we have a 13 year old daughter and he got hurt 3 years after we got married. He was a special forces non-compliant boat border overseas. If you seen the movie Captain Phillips with Tom Hanks at the very end that's the stuff that he used to do. My husband got hurt when his luck on his line that he was boarding the boat with broke and he fell in a backbend on a corner of a cargo box and then hit the boat. Basically falling about 25 ft. Ever since then every day of our lives involves pain. we can never go anywhere or do anything or even walk our dogs without preparing his medication so he can leave and be somewhat pain free. I know that some of y'all probably don't think that this is that bad as having an illness or someone who is terminal. Hopefully I'll do understand that the family that surround you are also affected by the fact that they care about you. I feel like I'm basically watching my husband die a slow death. The first 10 years of pain he struggled with medication the VA gave him which of course was the hard ones. In which he would take them all in 2 weeks or less and then he would go without medicine for several weeks after and that meant the roof would come off my house. his back injuries are so bad that I have to rub him 24/7 to the point where now I have rheumatoid arthritis all in my hands and my arms. And I have a horrible horrible anxiety and panic attacks. I basically call it I guess a secondary exposure to PTSD. He's always falling or screaming at 6 a.m. in the morning because he's in pain or he hurts himself by accident by falling. Which means I have to come to the rescue 24/7. I believe in the sanctity of marriage. I've seen a lot of my husband's friends being left by their wives and children and not long after I hate to say they get worse and sometimes die. I guess what I'm trying to say is this website is all new to me and you would think that they would have more of an outreach for the spouses of these kind of veterans. The only ones that I've found so far are the young wives complaining about how long their husbands are gone overseas for duty. I've been there done that and I hate to say... Nevermind I'm not going to give my opinion about that. When you marry me military you know what you're getting yourself into. It's not when they're gone is the problem it's how they come back. And since my husband whistle special forces soldier it has caused myself so much trauma that I have no one to talk to. My family doesn't understand I have no friends and like I said the roots that I tried to talk to their problems were so small. Literally every day is different in my home I'm always on edge and wondering what's going to happen next. I still work few hours a week just to get out of the house but even then I'm getting phone calls every 5 minutes because he forgets because of his TBI. Thank God my job loves me. So if anyone would like to talk about things that they go through that are similar or even just to talk to please message me. It'll be nice to be able to relate to someone that's like me. Sleepless nights,slamming doors, withdraw, anger episodes. I'll to the point where nobody wants to be around you your house or nothing. Thank you for listening to my story