Anxiety due to Cancer

I have always been able to deal with problems in the past. I have been “strong” and confident I would persevere whatever obstacle lay ahead. One of the biggest challenges was my dads illness. I was living in another state when I received the news that my dad had suffered a stroke. I returned home and dealt with selling his house, assuming power of attorney, taking care of him after his hospitalization. He had a second stroke and had to be placed in a nursing facility where he was eventually placed on hospice. He died in the nursing home. That was 9 years ago. That was very difficult for me but I made it through somehow. Two friends died this year from different cancers. I had followed their struggles. May 2019 I had a nephrectomy for RCC. Now it’s been 5 months since my surgery. I have changed as a person from this experience. It was life altering as it is for everyone. Cancer makes a huge impact on ones life. When my dad became ill I became depressed. But I knew I had to be strong for my mom who was struggling. My friends were each struggling with her cancers and that depressed me but I remained strong to be there as a could for support. When I became ill and had surgery I felt lost. Another challenge life dished out for me. After my surgery I felt panicked. The tumor was gone but I was left with a cancer diagnosis. The panic quelled down I went back to work. But my life is not the same any more. I am depressed again and I also have anxiety. I am often irritated by things that never bothered me before. People in general annoy me at times. Certain people I work with annoy me beyond words! I tend to avoid those people. I am losing some friends but it’s okay because I don’t like them anymore. I have changed. I am evolving into another version of myself. Since I am more of a private person only a select few know about my cancer surgery and that includes family. So some people are confused with my new “behaviors” which manifests as “avoidance”. I just can’t be around certain people right now. The man I had been dating flat out told me he couldn’t deal with my being sick and he walked out of my life. I didnt care! I don’t blame him. I told him it was fine and I felt relief because I wouldn’t have deal with him anymore. I knew that my cancer diagnosis had scared him and he couldn’t deal with it. I feel most comfortable with a few friends and very close family members and my dog. I want things to be simple from now on. Lately I find I can’t stand crying infants, small children, teenagers, and dramatic adults! I don’t like to be in the general public because there are too many annoying people. I don’t like my cancer center and most of the staff. I like my new oncologist. Don’t like his nurse. There is a nurse I trust at my cancer center she is a nurse navigator and she helps me contact my cancer team. She is like my “go to”person. I need to be more involved with my PCP and I don’t particularly like him or his staff. Nothing personal. There are just too many people for me right now and I need distance. I just recently learned how “smothered” I feel at times. I also really hate it when people ask me how I am because depending on what’s going on it can differ greatly. On my way to my MRI I ran into an acquaintance and she stopped to talk. She asked me so many questions! I wanted to scream! I was on my way for an MRI I had been dreading. I was full of scanxiety and I wanted her to disappear! I don’t feel the need or desire to explain my business to anyone! I am having trouble sleeping again because I am worried about my scan results. Then the cycle will repeat. I have hospital bills to pay and I owe thousands of dollars that my insurance isn’t covering so I have deal with that. Cancer is expensive. I will take one day at a time and hope for the best! That is all any of us can do! I am grateful I am not worse off because I know I could be. I need to address my depression/ anxiety because I don’t want to get out of hand. I am grateful for this site because I receive good advise and ideas from people who have been there. No BS here. I appreciate that emmensely!

I have always been able to deal with problems in the past. I have been “strong” and confident I would persevere whatever obstacle lay ahead. One of the biggest challenges was my dads illness. I was living in another state when I received the news that my dad had suffered a stroke. I returned home and dealt with selling his house, assuming power of attorney, taking care of him after his hospitalization. He had a second stroke and had to be placed in a nursing facility where he was eventually placed on hospice. He died in the nursing home. That was 9 years ago. That was very difficult for me but I made it through somehow. Two friends died this year from different cancers. I had followed their struggles. May 2019 I had a nephrectomy for RCC. Now it’s been 5 months since my surgery. I have changed as a person from this experience. It was life altering as it is for everyone. Cancer makes a huge impact on ones life. When my dad became ill I became depressed. But I knew I had to be strong for my mom who was struggling. My friends were each struggling with her cancers and that depressed me but I remained strong to be there as a could for support. When I became ill and had surgery I felt lost. Another challenge life dished out for me. After my surgery I felt panicked. The tumor was gone but I was left with a cancer diagnosis. The panic quelled down I went back to work. But my life is not the same any more. I am depressed again and I also have anxiety. I am often irritated by things that never bothered me before. People in general annoy me at times. Certain people I work with annoy me beyond words! I tend to avoid those people. I am losing some friends but it’s okay because I don’t like them anymore. I have changed. I am evolving into another version of myself. Since I am more of a private person only a select few know about my cancer surgery and that includes family. So some people are confused with my new “behaviors” which manifests as “avoidance”. I just can’t be around certain people right now. The man I had been dating flat out told me he couldn’t deal with my being sick and he walked out of my life. I didnt care! I don’t blame him. I told him it was fine and I felt relief because I wouldn’t have deal with him anymore. I knew that my cancer diagnosis had scared him and he couldn’t deal with it. I feel most comfortable with a few friends and very close family members and my dog. I want things to be simple from now on. Lately I find I can’t stand crying infants, small children, teenagers, and dramatic adults! I don’t like to be in the general public because there are too many annoying people. I don’t like my cancer center and most of the staff. I like my new oncologist. Don’t like his nurse. There is a nurse I trust at my cancer center she is a nurse navigator and she helps me contact my cancer team. She is like my “go to”person. I need to be more involved with my PCP and I don’t particularly like him or his staff. Nothing personal. There are just too many people for me right now and I need distance. I just recently learned how “smothered” I feel at times. I also really hate it when people ask me how I am because depending on what’s going on it can differ greatly. On my way to my MRI I ran into an acquaintance and she stopped to talk. She asked me so many questions! I wanted to scream! I was on my way for an MRI I had been dreading. I was full of scanxiety and I wanted her to disappear! I don’t feel the need or desire to explain my business to anyone! I am having trouble sleeping again because I am worried about my scan results. Then the cycle will repeat. I have hospital bills to pay and I owe thousands of dollars that my insurance isn’t covering so I have deal with that. Cancer is expensive. I will take one day at a time and hope for the best! That is all any of us can do! I am grateful I am not worse off because I know I could be. I need to address my depression/ anxiety because I don’t want to get out of hand. I am grateful for this site because I receive good advise and ideas from people who have been there. No BS here. I appreciate that emmensely!

Good morning @azkidney57, Your very genuine self disclosure statement is a great step in the process of letting go. You are evaluating your life. This is a perfectly transparent example of what it means when you LET GO. Many of us have trouble accepting the realities that emerge e.g. your sensitivity to crying babies.

My decision to simplify my life was both disturbing and rewarding. Last February I made the decision to sell my home of 20 years and to release my hold on “things”. I gave away almost everything in my home....to friends, family and customers. Everything I own would now fit in a very small dresser. And I moved 1500 miles away from my family and many friends.

I turned the corner when my role on Connect was upgraded, if you will, to Mentor. I have found my new opportunity to make an impact, to use my years of experience, 77 to be exact, to assist others somewhere along this journey of letting go, moving on and living life with an anticipation of some rocking, joyful days, May you be safe and protected.....Chris

Hi, @azkidney57 - since you talked about anxiety and depression due to cancer, I've moved your post here to this discussion entitled "Anxiety due to cancer" so that you can connect with others talking about similar situations.

Glad you have connected with @artscaping and @gingerw on what you've shared here with your cancer journey, the evolution of yourself as a person and the new irritations you are discovering post-diagnosis. I'm hoping that members who've participated here like @grandpabob @merpreb @julieannarcand will have some input for you on the depression and anxiety. @parus and @jiffer69 also may have some thoughts for you.

azkidney57, how have you managed your anxiety thus far, particularly at night, when you mentioned it had interfered with your sleep?

My doctor put me on Clonazepam the smallest dose I take one at night it helps me sleep. I can use more because it is used for panic attacks which I don’t get thank God. I sleep mostly OK but when I am stressed out I tend to wake up around 2 or 3 am. Sometimes I can’t shut my brain down. I am working on trying to distract myself. I have a full time job and that helps. I will be less stressed out when I get my scan results back! Thank you for asking.

Hello @azkidney57,
What works for me when I wake up in the night, is a meditation app with bedtimes stories. At times, I will also read a book that does not interest me a lot. Both seem to work to stop my mind from racing. If you can get something to work, it will reduce any tiredness you encounter at work due to sleeplessness.

I am glad to hear that you have some friends and family that you find supportive. I found that was supportive prior to my diagnosis, is certainly not the same post diagnosis. In fairness to some, they simply do not understand how a life threatening diagnosis changes us and our priorities.

I will keep my fingers crossed that the results of your scans are in your favour.

I have a tumor in my right cavernous sinus. They "think" it is a meningioma ( slow growing but large enough now for double vision, partial loss of site, extreme headaches of course and facial pain). My anxiety is that initially I was told by the oncologist that he would see me after the biopsy. So I mentally prepared for that but the neurosurgeon said it was inoperable only can do radiation. I did. 9 months later it has not shrunk and I sought a second opinion and here is where my anxiety comes in: this doctor said he would do surgery but not until surgery became less life threatening than to leave it. This he said would be in about 5 years. I've been treated for cluster headaches for over 7 years and it wasn't working so my very good headache specialist ordered yet another MRI and there was the tumor surrounding the carotid artery and sitting on the optic nerve and 2 other cranial nerves. It doesn't feel natural to wait while you know something is growing in your brain and one is in constant pain and my eye site is so bad.

More anxiety ( and some relief) by joining a Facebook group where many people where having the same experience I am; varying opinions and "facts" about this type of tumor such as radiation rarely works. Others in small town Iowa are having successful surgery.

I've learned to do relaxation with a great app and I guess I will keep seeking opinions until I feel comfortable. The oncologist I originally saw did say that a biopsy was needed because although "it was acting like a meningioma it didn't have all of the characteristics ." I know this is a cancer site so please excuse me if I am on the wrong site; I just signed up today, but the neurosurgeon said that it was too dangerous to even do a biopsy so we don't know that it is a meningioma or if it is cancerous. All I know is my eye sight is getting worse as are the headaches ( and I am sorry to complain but they can't possibly get much worse).
Anything definitive as far as an answer would relieve the extreme anxiety I'm having right now not knowing.
Thank you for listening.
Julie

I would love the facebook group information. I am currently waiting for referral to oncology for the same and was told its inoperable and that treatment is the same whether its cancer or not.