Alzheimers: When should someone not be left alone?

Not yet. Hopefully will see the MD this week and talk with him re whole situation. thanks

Yes. I have made several close friends and family members aware oft my concerns and need to do a better job of making sure we are both getting enough rest and freedom from unnecessary demands. I may need to ask my son to spend more time with him and arrange for more help with odd jobs around the house. As a retired physical therapist, I know how difficult the rehab is following a total knee replacement and am dreading it. I've begun to see what family and friends will be available to help for the first few weeks. I will need extra patience and understanding of my husband's inability to give me help when I need it.

Hi @leeandpat - I can really relate to the issues you are having. As @colleenyoung mentioned - I'm facing several of the same ones myself. I will share some of the things that have been helpful to me.

This year I joined a Caregivers Support Group at our local Council on Aging. I learned that one of the services our local hospice offers is grief counseling for caregivers. The patient does not have to be end-stage. At least here in North FL, hospice provides support for any dementia cases that are referred to them. I learned that you CANNOT do this alone. My advice would be to seek out a therapist/counselor, start looking at the care facilities in your area – even if you won't need them for awhile, and find out what hospice can do for you. All of these things brought me tremendous peace of mind.

In regard to your husband's anger issues, I know every case is different. For me, its important to remember that anger and fear are very close cousins. I find that when my husband is anxious or afraid about anything going on in our lives, he either tends to get very weepy or else have an angry outburst - but the anger is more like a child's tantrum. It's not something that causes me - or family members - to fear for my safety. Anyway, I have learned that when I have medical issues, it is VERY scary for him so it's better if I downplay them and have a friend or relative take me. If I were you, I would consider letting your husband stay with a relative while you have your knee surgery. Also, you might ask your surgeon about the possibility of going into rehab yourself for the first week or two after knee replacement so you can really concentrate on your own recovery. I had a friend who did that and she said it was the best decision she ever made!

Is there someone you could talk to -I would say outside the family - to get some constructive suggestions on your husband's anger issues as well as how you might plan and schedule your knee surgery in a way that keeps both you and your husband safe and in a good frame of mind? Maybe a counselor or therapist?

Thanks, Debra. There's no room for either of us in our local son's home. But I am searching for respite care for my husband somewhere but we live up in the mts. of northern CA so facilities are limited. The only option I've found so far is to hire a part-time licensed caregiver to supplement help by "willing and available" friends and family. Medicare will usually not pay for in house Rehab/Nursing facilities unless you're in the hospital for at least 3 days and need skilled nursing or therapy. It's probable that I'll be discharged from the hospital the next day. I've started attending a Caregiver Support Group at our hospital and may be able to get some direction from the social worker who facilitates it. I'm also in touch with the HHS office in our county. One of my closest friends is also a licensed counselor and is a good sounding board. Tomorrow i have my first appointment with the surgeon I think will be doing my surgery if necessary. I'm hoping to get more answers and guidance from him.

Hi @leeandpat - I know what a challenge you are facing. But check with your social worker friend about Medicare in relation to respite care. The social worker that facilitates our Care Givers Support Group told us that Medicare will pay for respite care so the caregiver can get away as long as the "patient" is in a medicare-approved facility for the duration of the time. And one of our group members has used this option - getting away for a vacation herself each year while her husband is cared for in the facility. Good luck with your surgeon's appointment. Can you check with your Caregivers group and your friend to see if respite care is handled the same way there in CA?

Thanks, Debbra. I already have an application for respite care. Would probably use it only for a caregiver at home. Here they pay $1000/year. Not sure if it's for more than one year only. Pat

Yes. It's so helpful to hear about others' struggles, tho so sad. When my now 75 year old husband who was officially diagnosed with Alz. in 2013, and I were house shopping, we were able to find a rancher with a fenced in back yard. I know that pet therapy is so beneficial for mentally and physically handicapped people so we got a rescue puppy. What a great decision! My husband loves to walk her around our neighborhood and play with her. She makes us both laugh which is good therapy for us both. I now have to be the one to clean up the dog deposits but am glad I can still do that. I will probably be getting a knee replacement this summer, so I'll use that activity for my rehab. 🙂 Thankfully, Lee still has a great sense of humor. She is a wonderful companion when I have to leave him alone for a couple of hours too. So far, so good. I'm trying to be grateful for how things are going most of the time as I know it's going to be getting a lot harder in the future. I know the need for caregiver at home is coming sooner than I had "planned". 🙁

@leeandpat - First, it IS sad. Terribly sad. I know the feeling of trying to be grateful since we know things are going to get worse. It's heart-breaking. My husband was an aeronautical engineer and to see him struggle with making a phone call on a flip phone just rips my heart.

Second, you may want to join the Joint Replacement group on Connect. I've had two knee replacements (all went beautifully) and it was nice to have a place to ask questions and express concerns. Here is the link:
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/joint-replacements/
Second, I want to check on you when you have your surgery. Will you post when you are going to have your knee replacement?