I wish I could cry!!

. @aliali - You seem to be doing a lot of soul searching and that's terrific, however some questions just can't be answered. I think that one of the reasons that depression hurts so much is that we don't cry. When I was very depressed I couldn't cry. I actually was afraid to cry- I didn't know if I would ever stop. What do you think, is it better to cry or not?

Regarding crying. I personally find that not crying is my way of holding feelings in that are too painful to let out. If I do allow myself to cry I always feel a release and in some ways feel better. I don't necessarily feel good..just less awful. This happened recently. Oh...also, for me, if I hold it in too long I start snapping at other people!

Hi, @aliali - that is an interesting observation about being depressed and unable to cry, and wondering if it's better for a depressed to cry or not to cry.

I remember when I was in graduate school, @aliali, that a counselor I saw right after my parents' divorce told me he thought I was just diverting myself from my sadness (e.g., go out to a movie with friends when I was down) versus actually allowing myself to be sad and cry, etc. — to sit in my sadness, so to speak. This was a bit of a revelation for me, and also told me something about how I was raised — really not to cry, if possible. When I really made an effort to not divert myself and try and feel my deeply sad feelings, I found it gave me much more relief and I was in much better touch with where I was at emotionally.

I'd like to invite @christine72 @lorena1egas @healthytoday @helenannmarie55 @stacyrobertson6 @rascal1 into this conversation for their thoughts on crying in the midst of depression.

Wondering, @aliali, what the prevailing thought in your household growing up has been regarding crying. Was it acceptable? Were negative emotions "allowed"?

I lost my beautiful 47 year old daughter to ovarian cancer August 2016.
Yes, I cried uncontrollably when she died even though I knew she was going to a better place without the horrific pain and suffering . I also knew how much her 3 children, her husband and I and others would miss her love and laughter!
I cry on the anniversary of her passing each year, on her birthday and her childrens’ events she and they are missing . I miss her on the holidays and so many significant mother/daughter times!
I well up when I look at her picture and when thoughts of her enter my mind.
I know that grieving is natural and we all handle it differently.
I feel horrible when I cry a long time but relieved to have released some of the tension . When I try not to, it feels so unnatural for me but must when around others in social situations as they become uncomfortable.
Others seem to find it “easier” to let go and look to the future as I’m attempting to do.
I will never stop loving my dear daughter and missing her.
Here’s a wonderful piece that was recently shared with me:

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@alkali Each person is different in handling their emotions and depression and anxiety and panic. I myself rarely cry. Probably you can count on one hand the number of times I have cried in my entire life. Some may argue that this is a control thing. For me it is just who I am. Who is to say why one thing is right and one thing is wrong?
Ginger

I hope you can view the above

@aliali I agree with Ginger I can't cry but hold my feelings in then later on I,'ll just go for a walk ,I feel better then

I believe for me I was so depressed and comfortable in my depression it was hard to cry. I didn’t realize I was more comfortable in my depression than I was outside of it for brief moments. however when I decided to try to figure it out I started to cry, just a little at first then more as I continued to try to come out of it. Now a days I cry more even though I’m not as deep in my depression. More meaningful cries rather then frequency of cries. The depression hasn’t gone away but it feels a heck of a lot more tolerable then before. What helped I honestly cannot say. I don’t know if it was one specific thing or a series of things or finally crying but it’s now a release for me

I think crying is a good thing. The tears released carry toxins and it's one way for the body to release them. Maybe you need to cry indirectly, ie, watch a sad or emotional movie. Maybe you need to cry alone and not let others see you.
Raised by reserved parents, didn't see them cry or show much emotion. They were absent or depressed. I needed to cry a little today but it didn't happen. It was like I was in the same room with it, but it distanced itself from me.

@rascal1- I can not imagine the pain you must have felt during and after your daughter's illness and death. Crying after a loved one's death is like another letting go, isn't it?