~ Depressed and scared, not making it financially ~

Posted by Barb @amberpep, Feb 26, 2019

I'm 74 years old and moved 3 years ago from MD to VA. My girls had hounded me to come down for several years so I finally did it. I sold my condo (at a loss), and a job with a dentist. Well, here I am, and financially I'm just not making it. That amount I earned from the dentist covered me with just a little left over. Now, more than often, I don't have enough. I eeked out just enough for my rent this month, and now there's not even enough for a quart of milk. I get S.S. and what I get goes right out for my rent (usually there's enough), and my son sends me money each month. I'm sickened, depressed, and scared. I live in low income housing, and have a budget that practically squeaks. I'm thinking of starting to sell some of my furniture.
I so wish I'd have stayed in MD, for so many reasons, this being one of them. I have applied for oodles of jobs (they're all on line now), and legally they're not supposed to ask you how old you are (although many do), but they all ask when you graduated from either high school or college .... well, it doesn't take rocket science to figure out how old a person is. I'm so depressed about this, and .so upset that my stomach.constantly churns.
Thanks for letting me vent.
abby

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usernameca | @usernameca | Sep 9, 2019

@amberpep
Believe me, I know exactly what you're going through. Our laws against age discrimination in hiring are a joke. They provide no protection whatsoever for older people. None!

Here are my suggestions: I've noticed that even if you refuse to answer anything on your job application that can give out your age, there is still a much-bigger problem: online businesses put all of your personal information online for people to see for free! Look at a site called MyLife dot com. I guarantee you they have your age, full name, and a lot of other things on there. I recommend calling them (expect it to take at least 5 phone calls) and telling them to immediately remove your profile. There are other sites that do the same thing.

Anything on a job application that asks about your age, I think it's okay to lie. Yep: if they're going to discriminate against you because of your age,
then make up any age you want. You have something on your side that younger people may not have: job experience and life experience!

And beware of social workers: they don't help people in general these days. Instead, they only help people who have the specific problem that they concentrate on. If you want help from a social worker, ask and keep asking them until you find one that concentrates solely on helping elderly people obtain employment.

smilie | @smilie | Sep 17, 2019

In reply to @colleenyoung "@smilie, I'm confident you can. Deep breath. How are you doing?" + (show)

Hi Lisa, I’m exhausted and I have an on going conversation in my mind, I am having a hard time making it stop!!!! I’m moving out of a house and back to a condo. I’m getting away from Gail and Uzi, she is my sister but I have no contact with either of them because I don’t want my depression to get worse. I worked too long and hard to feel even just a little bit better. The two of them were setting me back, especially him, so moving is a very good idea. I’m supported by lots of people including my social worker. She was thrilled when I told l told her that I was moving. It took me, with her (Pam) two years to get here. She her supervisor were starting to get worried about what else they can do to help me.

Lisa Lucier, Moderator | @lisalucier | Sep 17, 2019

In reply to @smilie "Hi Lisa, I’m exhausted and I have an on going conversation in my mind, I am..." + (show)

Wow - what huge progress, @smilie! You've made a major decision and have gained some valuable perspective on the situation and how it was affecting you. Congratulations. Great that you have your social worker and others' support through this time. Sounds like this has been a long time coming.

Are you about to move, or have you moved to the condo? Are you smiling about this decision?

Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Sep 18, 2019

In reply to @smilie "Hi Lisa, I’m exhausted and I have an on going conversation in my mind, I am..." + (show)

Hello @smilie,

I would like to join @lisalucier in congratulating you on this important step you are taking to move. Will you post and let me know how you are doing?

Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Sep 18, 2019

In reply to @amberpep "Well, here I am again …. life had just been a bi__h lately and I've had..." + (show)

@amberpep

Well, here I am again …. life had just been a bi__h lately and I've had trouble keeping up with even the simplest tasks. The apartment complex I live in just keeps getting worse …. not to be offensive, but it is much like a "ghetto." I live here double locked in, with a heavy metal bar at the door, and a boning knife under a little basket aside of the door. My keys were stolen about a week or so - I had a new lock was put on and new keys. About 3 nights later my neighbor said he saw some kids messing with my car and he went out and chased them. They probably had the old keys which no longer work. They intentionally try to frighten my dog, which has only made her angry and growling …. she was not like that before. They run through the halls pounding on everyone's door and running. I have put a sign on my dog saying "Beware of Dog" …… not really true, but it seems to work.
I am on the waiting list (2nd) for a 2 or 1 bedroom first floor apartment in Valley View, which is just below me. They have indoor corridors and doors, and the main doors are locked at 11 unless you know the code. It's strictly for seniors.
I don't go to anything my X will be at except Christmas, and the children's birthday parties. I can't stand the sight of him and his superior attitude to me, making me feel like I'm a fool.
I talked to my lawyer about reopening the alimony part of our divorce and she said that unless he was working, I couldn't do it. Otherwise it was very do-able. Well, he worked part-time up until 3 years ago, so I'm out of luck. So, it's continue to scrimp and pinch and live on a lot of beans, a small meatloaf which I make last for 4 days, and spaghetti. I have this intense craving for sweets and I will admit, I give into them. I'm sure I've gained weight.
I read the other day that Staunton was the best place to live in VA ….. I must be missing something …..
Thanks for listening to my complaining,
abby

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Good to hear from you, @amberpep! I hope a new apartment opens up for you soon.

Barb | @amberpep | Sep 18, 2019

Lisa Lucier, Moderator | @lisalucier | Sep 18, 2019

In reply to @amberpep "Well, here I am again …. life had just been a bi__h lately and I've had..." + (show)

@amberpep

Jump to this post

@amberpep - good to hear from you. I've merged your post with this previous discussion you started so all those following it can get caught up on what is happening with you.

That sounds quite disturbing with what you shared about your housing. Fingers crossed the other place will open soon for you.

You sound like maybe you've come to a new resolution about when you will see your ex-husband from now on? If so, does that feel empowering at all to see him only on your terms?

olivia22819 | @olivia22819 | Sep 18, 2019

I am so sorry to hear that and that is very scary ! I really hope things can get better for you.

Lisa Lucier, Moderator | @lisalucier | Sep 19, 2019

In reply to @lisalucier "Wow - what huge progress, @smilie! You've made a major decision and have gained some valuable..." + (show)

How's it going @smilie? Where are you at in your moving process?

smilie | @smilie | Sep 28, 2019

In reply to @lisalucier "How's it going @smilie? Where are you at in your moving process?" + (show)

Hi I’m done! I’m in a condo and away from the two people who made life miserable!!!! Unfortunately I still suffer from depression. Life long struggle!!!!