The Journey of Grieving

I was thinking about a support group but indecisive. Spoke to the hospital counselor and said I was too emotonal??? Today makes a month already and has been a hard day. Just when I think I'm ok, I crumble. People tell me hes in a better place and pain free...I understand that and am grateful but it doesnt make it better as I miss him, i miss us every minute of the day. So heartbroken.

I’m so sorry the hospital counselor was so rude and unsupportive. Of course you’re emotional, I’d be concerned if you weren’t!! You can’t time stamp when your grief will be easier. You take all the time you need! I’m not going to tell you to get out more or read a book, that insults me somehow. What I will say is reach out to your family and friends. Perhaps make a scrapbook of all your happy memories. We’re all here for you!

@rlealsan There are different types of support groups. You owe it to yourself to find whatever will work for you. Some have brought up journaling, or talk therapy, but you'll know what is best. Be gentle on yourself.
Ginger

Hello @maddiec

While I understand that this is a very difficult time for you, I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate all of the self-care you are giving yourself. You mention journaling and that is so important. You also say that you are part of a support group and that is wonderful, because it is important to travel down this road with others. You also recognize that this will not happen overnight and thereby you are taking pressure off yourself to be OK in a short period of time.

You are doing (and thinking) all the right things and I really must applaud you for your efforts and also thank you for sharing this journey with Mayo Connect.

If I may ask, how did you come up with so much wisdom in dealing with your grief? Any particular experiences that have created this strong mind-set and resiliency?

Thank you so much. Family and friends are supportive. Although sometimes when I cry they quickly change subject so I try to remain strong I dont go to events or leave quickly. I do have one close friend that will call and cry with me and that feels good and I feel better for awhile. Thank you again.

I also have some family who do not handle my emotions very well and will try to change the subject or leave the room etc. I think that is their issue. THEY aren't handling their grief very well. I truly believe that losing my husband has to be the greatest pain I have ever known. I cant expect others to understand the depth of my pain if they have not experienced it as well. I have given myself permission to cry when I feel like crying and to smile when I am happy . If I have a really bad day, so be it. I believe allowing myself to go through the stages of grief at MY pace is imperative to my healing. I am not letting anyone else tell me how I should feel or when my grief should be "over" . People who love you will allow you to travel this journey at the pace you decide and they will walk along the path with you. Hugging you from MO!

I've come to that conclusion as well. It's my grief and if they haven't felt a loss like this they cant understand. I dont know how to handle this, how to cope or how to move on. But I have to one day at a time. I cry alot and just when I think I cant cry anymore I start all over. I dont know if I will ever find anything that makes me feel better. But I do know this group makes feel like I can cry with you all or at times it just makes me feel better knowing someone out there understand. Thank you.

I think it helps me just to know that how I am feeling is completely normal. I am not crazy, losing my mind, or overreacting. And yes this group allows me the freedom to Express myself openly. I am here for you , just as I feel others will be there to listen to me

Theresa..thank you for your kind words.
My husband battled pancreatic cancer for 2 years with such grit and determination..it was inspiring...when I would have my meltdowns with him he would stop me in my tracks and tell me to "cut it out..we have to deal with this..this is the hand I've been dealt."
As I go along this journey, I sense him telling me this to move forward everyday...
That is how I honor the memory of him...Do I have my Godawful moments..absolutely...but I keep them at moments, not days for that could turn into weeks and I won't let that happen. I look at those moments as minor setbacks..and that's to be expected.
I also have a tremendous faith which has been strengthened since he died..
I reach out to friends..I don't wait for them to call me...being with others gives me a respite from my grief...
I'm trying very hard everyday to move forward..it's exhausting for sure!

You are right...everyone's journey is their own..no timetables..
.will I ever get over losing my husband?..will I ever move on?...no...I will move forward everyday one day and one step at a time...
Those people who love us will understand our limitations right now...
I am trying hard not to focus on what he's missing for I truly believe he is with me...
I'm trying to focus on our time together and the memories we have made...hard, I know.
We were together 45 years..I'm grateful for that time with him...
Day by day...sometime minute by minute..