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liz223
@liz223

Posts: 124
Joined: Jul 20, 2016

The Journey of Grieving

Posted by @liz223, Thu, Nov 22 7:20am

Traveling the road of grief is never easy. I lost my husband of 62 years 10/6/18. This is my first Thanksgiving without him. I'm fortunate that I have moved into a retirement community and will be able to eat with new friends in our beautiful dining room. I have a lot to be thankful for today even though I miss him and will love him forever. God gives me strength each moment to take the next step. I will be here to discuss my daily journey. If you are grieving for a loss in your life, please join me. Thank you.

REPLY

@liz223 Oh Liz, I am so sorry to hear that you lost your beloved husband. My heart goes out to the strong spirit within you. I hope you enjoy today as you can remember the great times you shared together with him.

Thank you for starting this journey here on Connect. I hope that many others will join with you during the coming months!

Liz, I'm sorry for your loss, but what a great way to love and honor him in reaching out here to others. I would think that might help you feel closer to him. God bless you, and I'll think about you today as I go through my day.

@liz223 I am grateful that you started this new discussion about loss and grief, especially today. Holidays and celebrations can be especially tough when bereavement is recent and grief is fresh. You may find this article helpful:
– Grief in Times of Celebration: The Empty Spot http://www.virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home/Topics/Topics/Emotional+Health/Grief+in+Times+of+Celebration_+The+Empty+Spot.aspx

I applaud you for connecting with others here and with new friends at the retirement home. From the picture you posted, it looks like you and your husband like the outdoors. Were you hiking?

Hi. Bless you on your journey. I have been grieving over 5 years after losing my husband of 45 years. Some people tell me that it is too long – but how long is right? All holidays are hard for me but TG I have my son and his family. Now one of my grandsons has a girlfriend- so the family grows.
Toni. K.

@liz223– Hi liz
I would like to share the following with you:
"Grief never ends….but it changes
It's a passage, not a place to stay.
Grief is not a weakness, nor a lack of faith….
It is the price of love.

Wishing you strength,
Ainsleigh
It is the price of love.

I have oft wondered when others tell someone they have grieved too long or imply that grief is not appropriate after a certain amount of time they say these things partly out of ignorance and/or impatience or maybe simply because they don’t know what to say. Maybe it is their own discomfort too. I don’t think others mean to be cruel.
We who are grieving mostly need someone to listen and not make the grief go away. A kind word, a listening ear and a soft shoulder can go a long way.
A dear lady I know lost her husband of over 60 years a couple of months ago. She was sharing pictures of him as a young man in the marines. I felt she had given me a gift when she allowed me a glimpse of long ago. She had visited him every day in a nursing home for 5 years. Her grief is in the early stages as some are here.

Thanks to each of you who replied. In answer to one question, yes we used to camp and hike and loved it. In answer to another remark. I don't think any of us should place a time limit on grieving. Also, grieving takes many forms and we use many different ways to live with it.
For me, I just seem to be sad unless I stay busy. Sometimes I feel I am running away from my grief by my constant going until I wear myself out. I went back to church for the first time since he died last Sunday. I went to a new church because I didn't want anyone to say anything to me about my loss. I am fragile right now and cry easily. I will probably be changing churches because the new one (for me) is located here in the new community where I'm now living. However, I do miss my old friends, but this is a good time for me to make a change. Yesterday I did enjoy eating with new friends in our dining room. I did not realize how much effort that took for me. I was exhausted when I came home and took a long nap. I shed tears last night, but that is alright, it is a release for me. I bought myself a new printer for my laptop last Wednesday and plan to see if I can get it connected and running this morning. Then I will go again to the dining room for lunch and to meet still more new friends. 🙂
I hope each of you find a way this day to be strong as you travel this journey of grief. God is good and He will never leave us. This I believe with all my heart.

GodLovesYou

@liz223 It is no small feat to take on grief at any time, and even more so during the major holiday season of the year. We will be here for you. Grief is such a personal thing, and only you will know what is your best course. It is without a timeline, or perimeters. Be gentle on yourself, and those who may step in to be "helpful". You'll be reminded so often of times spent with your husband. And don't be surprised if you suddenly get a glimpse of his face in a crowd, or smell his aftershave in an unexpected place. He's sending you a message of support, letting you know he is ok and watching over you.
Ginger

Yesterday I did well because I stayed busy. However, last night wasn't too great. I could not sleep. I tried watching TV, put Lavender essential oil drops into my diffuser, got back up, played Backgammon on my laptop. The thoughts would not slow down. I had flashbacks of his last days when I felt so helpless and afraid. It is still hard for me to accept this as real. My mind knows he died, but my feelings still won't turn loose. I'm feeling OK this morning and planning to get a few things done. It's hard for me to imagine my life without him. I just want to be alone today. I know this isn't good, but sometimes you grow weary of pretending. I don't want to cause others around me to feel badly. This is a special season of joy.

@liz223

Yesterday I did well because I stayed busy. However, last night wasn't too great. I could not sleep. I tried watching TV, put Lavender essential oil drops into my diffuser, got back up, played Backgammon on my laptop. The thoughts would not slow down. I had flashbacks of his last days when I felt so helpless and afraid. It is still hard for me to accept this as real. My mind knows he died, but my feelings still won't turn loose. I'm feeling OK this morning and planning to get a few things done. It's hard for me to imagine my life without him. I just want to be alone today. I know this isn't good, but sometimes you grow weary of pretending. I don't want to cause others around me to feel badly. This is a special season of joy.

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@liz223 There will be days, or nights, or hours, that you feel like you did last night. To insist there isn't or won't be, is a disservice to yourself. Continue to be gentle on yourself. Think of continuing a tradition you both enjoyed together with an emphasis on remembering how much joy you both received. Think of morphing that into a new tradition for you.i'll wager there are people in your new community who have the same challenges this year. We're here for you, and thank you for reaching out.
Ginger

@liz223

Yesterday I did well because I stayed busy. However, last night wasn't too great. I could not sleep. I tried watching TV, put Lavender essential oil drops into my diffuser, got back up, played Backgammon on my laptop. The thoughts would not slow down. I had flashbacks of his last days when I felt so helpless and afraid. It is still hard for me to accept this as real. My mind knows he died, but my feelings still won't turn loose. I'm feeling OK this morning and planning to get a few things done. It's hard for me to imagine my life without him. I just want to be alone today. I know this isn't good, but sometimes you grow weary of pretending. I don't want to cause others around me to feel badly. This is a special season of joy.

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@liz223 It is okay to want to be alone and take some time to recharge. This is a joyous time of the year and an even more difficult time when you are grieving. You are doing your best and it is okay to succumb to the grief and feel it as you can. Keep well hydrated and stay well. Not an easy time for you.

Today, my alone trip didn't work out and that was OK. When I went to the post office, I met a friend who doesn't like to go to the dining room alone, so I joined her for lunch. Then she wanted to know what I had planned for today. Actually I had taken Ben's clothes from our closet and they were in the back of my SUV. I was planning to take them to The Salvation Army and she asked if she could go with me. What could I say? After taking them, we went and bought two patio chairs for my apartment and some Pansies for her to plant at hers. Actually, she brightened my day and made my difficult task easier.

How nice for you, @liz223. I'm glad that you had a good day, even though it was different than what you had originally planned.
Wishing you more pleasant days to come.

@liz223

Today, my alone trip didn't work out and that was OK. When I went to the post office, I met a friend who doesn't like to go to the dining room alone, so I joined her for lunch. Then she wanted to know what I had planned for today. Actually I had taken Ben's clothes from our closet and they were in the back of my SUV. I was planning to take them to The Salvation Army and she asked if she could go with me. What could I say? After taking them, we went and bought two patio chairs for my apartment and some Pansies for her to plant at hers. Actually, she brightened my day and made my difficult task easier.

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@liz223 Good for you for being flexible! That's so important right now.
Ginger

@liz223 Spontaneous can be delightful!! Happy to hear.

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