The Journey of Grieving

Posted by liz223 @liz223, Nov 22, 2018

Traveling the road of grief is never easy. I lost my husband of 62 years 10/6/18. This is my first Thanksgiving without him. I’m fortunate that I have moved into a retirement community and will be able to eat with new friends in our beautiful dining room. I have a lot to be thankful for today even though I miss him and will love him forever. God gives me strength each moment to take the next step. I will be here to discuss my daily journey. If you are grieving for a loss in your life, please join me. Thank you.

Got in an alone day, but went shopping to look for a couple of curtain rods. Found them and also bought a neat little bench with storage room. Also stopped at Subway and had a sandwich. I visited the outdoor shop of Lowe's and it was great smelling the Christmas trees and seeing the joy of young families. The Poinsettias are beautiful. Came home, walked Wally and then we went to bed early and watched a couple of Christmas movies. What would I do without my Wally? A pet is so much comfort. Hope all have a good day. I'm headed to a doctor's appointment for a regular checkup. Life goes on.

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@liz223

Got in an alone day, but went shopping to look for a couple of curtain rods. Found them and also bought a neat little bench with storage room. Also stopped at Subway and had a sandwich. I visited the outdoor shop of Lowe's and it was great smelling the Christmas trees and seeing the joy of young families. The Poinsettias are beautiful. Came home, walked Wally and then we went to bed early and watched a couple of Christmas movies. What would I do without my Wally? A pet is so much comfort. Hope all have a good day. I'm headed to a doctor's appointment for a regular checkup. Life goes on.

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Hi Liz, I think you are doing a great job. I’m glad you have Wally. I know it is a huge help to have a beloved pet. I am going through a grieving period in a different situation. My husband of 32 years has Alzheimer’s disease. He is 84 and I can’t believe how fast the disease is progressing. I try to adjust one day at a time. It became easier when I realized it is actually a grief process, because I lose a little more of him every day.
I met a woman when exercising at an indoor pool I go to, we got to talking. She lost her husband of 30 years in September and cried when she told me. It seems completely normal to do that. It is a process.
Also if you simply don’t have the energy to meet and greet people for a day, try giving yourself a rest for that day. I have found that when I do that, I bounce back the next day.
I know you are going to do better as time goes on. -Susan

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@olliedog

Hi Liz, I think you are doing a great job. I’m glad you have Wally. I know it is a huge help to have a beloved pet. I am going through a grieving period in a different situation. My husband of 32 years has Alzheimer’s disease. He is 84 and I can’t believe how fast the disease is progressing. I try to adjust one day at a time. It became easier when I realized it is actually a grief process, because I lose a little more of him every day.
I met a woman when exercising at an indoor pool I go to, we got to talking. She lost her husband of 30 years in September and cried when she told me. It seems completely normal to do that. It is a process.
Also if you simply don’t have the energy to meet and greet people for a day, try giving yourself a rest for that day. I have found that when I do that, I bounce back the next day.
I know you are going to do better as time goes on. -Susan

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@olliedog – hello, and welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I can only imagine how hard it would be to see your long-time husband with Alzheimer's that seemed to be progressing fast. It makes a lot of sense that you would be grieving and feeling deep loss.

This is a really good discussion to be part of, and I want to encourage you to continue to talk here. Also, I wanted to suggest that you look into this discussion in our Connect Caregivers group on "Caring for Someone with Dementia/Alzheimer's" https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/caregiving-for-dementia-sufferers/.

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@lisalucier

@olliedog – hello, and welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I can only imagine how hard it would be to see your long-time husband with Alzheimer's that seemed to be progressing fast. It makes a lot of sense that you would be grieving and feeling deep loss.

This is a really good discussion to be part of, and I want to encourage you to continue to talk here. Also, I wanted to suggest that you look into this discussion in our Connect Caregivers group on "Caring for Someone with Dementia/Alzheimer's" https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/caregiving-for-dementia-sufferers/.

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Yes, I will look at it! I think it will be helpful. Thanks for your suggestion.

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@liz223 Hi Liz,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum 28th February 2010 to Colon Cancer and it nearly finished me. I was in such a state of devastation and grief that half of the funeral is a blank. I do remember being at the church, but the burial is still a blank to this day. Even now, going on nine years later I just can't recall it (I was told that my Dad, myself and my brother had our hands around each other as the coffin went down with me nearly hysterical saying "I love you Mum") and my Psychotherapist tells me that I'm blocking it out to this day to avoid having to deal with it. I guess she is right in a way. I know I still can't come to terms with it and it took me three years to even look at her picture after she passed (My profile picture on here is the one I couldn't look at). I hope and pray that you continue to have good days Liz. Much love,

Ed

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@liz223

Today, my alone trip didn't work out and that was OK. When I went to the post office, I met a friend who doesn't like to go to the dining room alone, so I joined her for lunch. Then she wanted to know what I had planned for today. Actually I had taken Ben's clothes from our closet and they were in the back of my SUV. I was planning to take them to The Salvation Army and she asked if she could go with me. What could I say? After taking them, we went and bought two patio chairs for my apartment and some Pansies for her to plant at hers. Actually, she brightened my day and made my difficult task easier.

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Hey Liz, I'm grieving the loss of my great niece who died just a few weeks ago from cancer at the age of 21. She was a bright star in this sometimes dark world. I'm also grieving the loss of my relationship with my 50 year old daughter. For reasons I don't know, she just doesn't communicate with me. I don't know what she does or how she is or how my grandchildren are. I weep inside most of the time.

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@psearby17

Hey Liz, I'm grieving the loss of my great niece who died just a few weeks ago from cancer at the age of 21. She was a bright star in this sometimes dark world. I'm also grieving the loss of my relationship with my 50 year old daughter. For reasons I don't know, she just doesn't communicate with me. I don't know what she does or how she is or how my grandchildren are. I weep inside most of the time.

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@psearby17 I send condolences on the loss of your great niece, and the loss of communication with your daughter. Unfortunately, you can only offer to open the door for her, she must also step forward. Are her children in a position for you to contact them separately? Having family that doesn't want to communicate is difficult. Grief covers not only losing someone to daeth, but also estrangement. Our thoughts are with you.
Ginger

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@colleenyoung

@liz223 I am grateful that you started this new discussion about loss and grief, especially today. Holidays and celebrations can be especially tough when bereavement is recent and grief is fresh. You may find this article helpful:
– Grief in Times of Celebration: The Empty Spot http://www.virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home/Topics/Topics/Emotional+Health/Grief+in+Times+of+Celebration_+The+Empty+Spot.aspx

I applaud you for connecting with others here and with new friends at the retirement home. From the picture you posted, it looks like you and your husband like the outdoors. Were you hiking?

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How do I post to this group?

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@trider7140

How do I post to this group?

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I guess I just answered my own question. I'm struggling so much with the loss of my mom, who died suddenly on November 14th. She was 82, full of faith, and didn't suffer, so everyone is telling me it was a "good death" as those things go. But I am devastated. And I woke up from a dream this morning where someone had just told me of her death anew, and I had just been about to call her about something, and it all hit me as if I hadn't known about it for a month and a half, but had just learned of it. It's been a very rough day.

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I too recently lost my husband. It was very sudden After his diagnosis of biliary duct cancer, he passed away 23 days later. I just survived my first Thanksgiving and Christmas without him. He actually passed on our 34th anniversary. I am still very much in shock, still grieving daily, and miss him terribly. So I can relate to how you are feeling. I saw your post and thought we could maybe support one another through this difficult time.

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@fara67

I too recently lost my husband. It was very sudden After his diagnosis of biliary duct cancer, he passed away 23 days later. I just survived my first Thanksgiving and Christmas without him. He actually passed on our 34th anniversary. I am still very much in shock, still grieving daily, and miss him terribly. So I can relate to how you are feeling. I saw your post and thought we could maybe support one another through this difficult time.

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@fara67 I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. Things went so quickly that you didn’t even have time to process his diagnosis much less his death. I’m sure getting through the holidays was very hard. Just know that you have us to listen and support you. God bless you.

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I lost my husband in August and I am so lost. I am consumed by grief. He was everything to me

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@fara67

I too recently lost my husband. It was very sudden After his diagnosis of biliary duct cancer, he passed away 23 days later. I just survived my first Thanksgiving and Christmas without him. He actually passed on our 34th anniversary. I am still very much in shock, still grieving daily, and miss him terribly. So I can relate to how you are feeling. I saw your post and thought we could maybe support one another through this difficult time.

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Lost my husband 8/13/18 and I am so lost. We had a bond few ever have. He was diagnosed with brain cancer and died within weeks. We were both about to retire and had so many plans. I am devastated and cry a good part of each day. Time does not heal.

Liked by Parus

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@gingerw

@psearby17 I send condolences on the loss of your great niece, and the loss of communication with your daughter. Unfortunately, you can only offer to open the door for her, she must also step forward. Are her children in a position for you to contact them separately? Having family that doesn't want to communicate is difficult. Grief covers not only losing someone to daeth, but also estrangement. Our thoughts are with you.
Ginger

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Thank you, Ginger. I appreciate your kind words. Grief comes in many ways. Glad you understand that. Yes, I can contact her children. Don't know if I would get response. We did spend Christmas Eve together and it was wonderful. I am keeping the door open to communication any and every way I can.

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Hello, @jmel and @fara67 – I'd like to add my welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I am married, as well, and cannot begin to imagine the loss and extreme grief of losing my husband. I'm terribly sorry for your loss.

@trider7140, glad you determined how to post here in this discussion on the journey of grieving. That sounds extremely hard to lose your mom, and so suddenly. A friend of mine lost her dad this month, with chest pains rapidly evolving into a fatal heart attack, and I know she is struggling to feel like it's really real.

@psearby17 – what a young age to pass away from cancer, at 21. My condolences. So very hard to feel as though you've also lost your daughter, with no communication from her.

What I'm wondering, amidst the grieving and processing of these very difficult losses, @jmel @fara67 @trider7140 @psearby17, is there any one thing that has helped you at all – brought you any comfort or relief – that you might share to benefit others here?

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