1. < Depression & Anxiety

~ sadness ~

Posted by Barb @amberpep, Sep 29, 2018

Hello everyone ..... I am struggling with something that should no longer be my business, and I need to share it. I live in Staunton, VA, between the Blue Ridge Mountains and the Appalachian Mountains. When I was still married, my now-X and I used to rent a house in Wintergreen (a resort very close by) in late summer or early Fall. We would enjoy the trails, the pool, the restaurants, the views, and long walks at night. Now that I am living so closely to Wintergreen, I just feel very sad about losing all that. And, on top of that (and I realize this is none of my business) I think my X is dating someone. Why does that bother me? I don't know. But it all ties in with our Fall outings we used to take. Maybe after 40 years, you never quite get passed that sadness when someone else is taking your place. Now I don't know this for sure, but from things, both said and unsaid, I am getting that sense.
My therapist once said to me (and I know some of you won't agree with this) that it is easier if a spouse dies rather than getting divorced. I know that sounds cruel, but I'm believing it to be true. There's just this heavy sadness that I fear I will never be without any longer .... this situation, on top of having moved here in the first place .... well, it's just a very, very, sad and difficult time for me.
abby

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Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Oct 9, 2018
In reply to @amberpep "Well, last week I saw my new Psychiatrist - he's down here and not in MD...." + (show)
@amberpep

Well, last week I saw my new Psychiatrist - he's down here and not in MD. I'd heard he was good, so I researched everything I could about him, and it all sounded like a fit. It was, thank the Lord. He is a very kindly soul, and told me that he doesn't believe in over medicating patients, but that he does feel he needs to give them what they truly need. He said the meds I'm on right now are what he would have Rx-d, but he did make one change .... instead of 1 Lamictal a day, he has me taking 3. I think that's a good call because of the probable Bipolar 2. Today is the first day and I know it will take awhile to feel any difference, but I'm willing to wait as long as it works. I see him in 3 more weeks. And, he's getting me into a group, much like the one I was in in MD ... a conglomeration of patients with different situations, and basically they just share with each other their issues, and receive input. There is a group leader who also adds input ..... I am so much looking forward to that .... that group in MD helped me so much. It was amazing. We, all strangers, went into a room - about 12 of us or so, some with drug problems, some anxiety and depression, some Bipolar 1 and 2, one girl was just released from a private psychiatric institution, and another man was gay and married to a man. It was amazing ..... we all got in there, and out it all came .... no one was embarrassed, ashamed or anything about themselves. That went on for 4 weeks from 9-5. This one I'll be in is 4 weeks, 3 days a week from 9-12.
abby

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@amberpep So glad to hear things are looking up for you! Knowing you have someone more local to help guide you, and not having to make that long drive, may also make a difference. Group work can be very rewarding, and as already mentioned by @hopeful33250 , you will no doubt be a great asset to the other attendees. Please let us know how things go for you, and know we are here for you in the cyberworld.
Ginger

REPLY
Lyn | @pearlbaby7 | Oct 10, 2018
In reply to @amberpep "Well, last week I saw my new Psychiatrist - he's down here and not in MD...." + (show)
@amberpep

Well, last week I saw my new Psychiatrist - he's down here and not in MD. I'd heard he was good, so I researched everything I could about him, and it all sounded like a fit. It was, thank the Lord. He is a very kindly soul, and told me that he doesn't believe in over medicating patients, but that he does feel he needs to give them what they truly need. He said the meds I'm on right now are what he would have Rx-d, but he did make one change .... instead of 1 Lamictal a day, he has me taking 3. I think that's a good call because of the probable Bipolar 2. Today is the first day and I know it will take awhile to feel any difference, but I'm willing to wait as long as it works. I see him in 3 more weeks. And, he's getting me into a group, much like the one I was in in MD ... a conglomeration of patients with different situations, and basically they just share with each other their issues, and receive input. There is a group leader who also adds input ..... I am so much looking forward to that .... that group in MD helped me so much. It was amazing. We, all strangers, went into a room - about 12 of us or so, some with drug problems, some anxiety and depression, some Bipolar 1 and 2, one girl was just released from a private psychiatric institution, and another man was gay and married to a man. It was amazing ..... we all got in there, and out it all came .... no one was embarrassed, ashamed or anything about themselves. That went on for 4 weeks from 9-5. This one I'll be in is 4 weeks, 3 days a week from 9-12.
abby

Jump to this post

I am so glad to hear you looking forward to events in your future! Keep going after the things that you know help you. I'm a believer in the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I hope your upward trend continues and you get what you need to keep that going. Give yourself some hugs from us.

REPLY
1 reply
Barb | @amberpep | Oct 11, 2018
In reply to @pearlbaby7 "I am so glad to hear you looking forward to events in your future! Keep going..." + (show)
@pearlbaby7

I am so glad to hear you looking forward to events in your future! Keep going after the things that you know help you. I'm a believer in the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I hope your upward trend continues and you get what you need to keep that going. Give yourself some hugs from us.

Jump to this post

Something new ..... I think I'd better try to see my doctor tomorrow. After 2 weeks of dealing with this thing, and now finally reading about it and seeing pictures of it, I think I have Cat Scratch Disease. I took one of my cats to the Vet. 2 weeks ago - he's huge - 18 lb, so I wrap him up like a burrito. He wiggled out, scratched me on my right arm, right leg and upper left arm. The upper left arm formed a bump which looked sort of like a pimple. I tried to clean it out and it bled and bled .... this went on for about 5 days .... then I left it open at night to dry, same thing. Now it's the same, a little over 1/8" round blood blister looking thing, surrounded by a pale red ring. I'm going to go see my doctor tomorrow and if I can't get in I'll go to Med. Express except you have to pay outright in full at the time.
If it's not one thing it's another.
abby

REPLY
3 replies
Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Oct 11, 2018
In reply to @amberpep "Something new ..... I think I'd better try to see my doctor tomorrow. After 2 weeks..." + (show)
@amberpep

Something new ..... I think I'd better try to see my doctor tomorrow. After 2 weeks of dealing with this thing, and now finally reading about it and seeing pictures of it, I think I have Cat Scratch Disease. I took one of my cats to the Vet. 2 weeks ago - he's huge - 18 lb, so I wrap him up like a burrito. He wiggled out, scratched me on my right arm, right leg and upper left arm. The upper left arm formed a bump which looked sort of like a pimple. I tried to clean it out and it bled and bled .... this went on for about 5 days .... then I left it open at night to dry, same thing. Now it's the same, a little over 1/8" round blood blister looking thing, surrounded by a pale red ring. I'm going to go see my doctor tomorrow and if I can't get in I'll go to Med. Express except you have to pay outright in full at the time.
If it's not one thing it's another.
abby

Jump to this post

@amberpep Gosh, seems like it's just such a tumble of things going on right now, doesn't it? I hope you can get in to see your doctor tomorrow and that they can get to the bottom of that. Cat scratch fever is nothing to sneeze at! Let us know what happens.
Ginger

REPLY
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Oct 11, 2018
In reply to @amberpep "Something new ..... I think I'd better try to see my doctor tomorrow. After 2 weeks..." + (show)
@amberpep

Something new ..... I think I'd better try to see my doctor tomorrow. After 2 weeks of dealing with this thing, and now finally reading about it and seeing pictures of it, I think I have Cat Scratch Disease. I took one of my cats to the Vet. 2 weeks ago - he's huge - 18 lb, so I wrap him up like a burrito. He wiggled out, scratched me on my right arm, right leg and upper left arm. The upper left arm formed a bump which looked sort of like a pimple. I tried to clean it out and it bled and bled .... this went on for about 5 days .... then I left it open at night to dry, same thing. Now it's the same, a little over 1/8" round blood blister looking thing, surrounded by a pale red ring. I'm going to go see my doctor tomorrow and if I can't get in I'll go to Med. Express except you have to pay outright in full at the time.
If it's not one thing it's another.
abby

Jump to this post

@amberpep
Yes, please take care of that, and be well.

REPLY
1 reply
Lyn | @pearlbaby7 | Oct 11, 2018
In reply to @amberpep "Something new ..... I think I'd better try to see my doctor tomorrow. After 2 weeks..." + (show)
@amberpep

Something new ..... I think I'd better try to see my doctor tomorrow. After 2 weeks of dealing with this thing, and now finally reading about it and seeing pictures of it, I think I have Cat Scratch Disease. I took one of my cats to the Vet. 2 weeks ago - he's huge - 18 lb, so I wrap him up like a burrito. He wiggled out, scratched me on my right arm, right leg and upper left arm. The upper left arm formed a bump which looked sort of like a pimple. I tried to clean it out and it bled and bled .... this went on for about 5 days .... then I left it open at night to dry, same thing. Now it's the same, a little over 1/8" round blood blister looking thing, surrounded by a pale red ring. I'm going to go see my doctor tomorrow and if I can't get in I'll go to Med. Express except you have to pay outright in full at the time.
If it's not one thing it's another.
abby

Jump to this post

Sounds like something to not fool with. Take care of yourself. Let us know how it goes.

REPLY
tina5 | @tina5 | Oct 11, 2018
In reply to @amberpep "Thank you to everyone who wrote to me when I was in that deep dark hole...." + (show)
@amberpep

Thank you to everyone who wrote to me when I was in that deep dark hole. I'm doing some better - not "normal" which I don't ever. expect to be, but just not in that black hole.Believe me, I appreciated all your care for me .... I have read many of your posts over and over and I think they helped me see "reality" differently a bit. Again, thank you all friends ..... you are all treasures to me.
abby

Jump to this post

I just read this post. I am not sure what all was happening, but I am happy you are on the healing path.
I need to definitely find my healing path. I m to find it and get punched down even further. I am also homeless in cold winter area.
I am thinking of you.

REPLY
1 reply
Barb | @amberpep | Oct 13, 2018

Probably told you this somewhere along the line, but when I saw the new Psychiatrist last week - a very kindly fellow - he agreed with all the meds. my previous Psych. had Rx-d. One change he made was he upped the Lamictal from 1 a day to 3 a day.
Now, it seems, I've got what they call Cat Scratch Disease. My doctor is full and all the walk in's around here want full payment when services are rendered. I'm just keeping it clean, not pressing it at all so it doesn't bleed, keeping antibiotic ointment on it and a patch. There's a red ring around the blister. It's been 1-1/2 weeks and it does seem to be drying out. I hope so .... I don't want to go to the doctor or walk in clinic.
abby
PS ... Tina ... Can't Social Services help you find a place to live this winter? It seems they should be able to do something for you to help you over this tough time.
abby

REPLY
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Oct 13, 2018
In reply to @tina5 "I just read this post. I am not sure what all was happening, but I am..." + (show)
@tina5

I just read this post. I am not sure what all was happening, but I am happy you are on the healing path.
I need to definitely find my healing path. I m to find it and get punched down even further. I am also homeless in cold winter area.
I am thinking of you.

Jump to this post

Hello @tina5

What services are there in your locale for the homeless population? Any family, friends or churches that could help you? Are you a veteran or handicapped?

REPLY
1 reply
tina5 | @tina5 | Oct 13, 2018
In reply to @hopeful33250 "Hello @tina5 What services are there in your locale for the homeless population? Any family, friends..." + (show)
@hopeful33250

Hello @tina5

What services are there in your locale for the homeless population? Any family, friends or churches that could help you? Are you a veteran or handicapped?

Jump to this post

Thank you for the message.
There is basically no services for help in South Dakota and if there is, it has been utilized due to time of year.
Family either died or the rest are severe alcoholics and extremely abusive in a different ways vs when I was growing up.
I have not found a church that will help.
I am not a veteran but am on disability due to brain injuries in childhood and adulthood, and have complex ptsd with ongoing trauma.
Thank you again for reaching out to me.
Tina

REPLY
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