1. < Autism (ASD)

Adults On The Autism Spectrum

Posted by Mamacita, Alumna Mentor @mamacita, Apr 29, 2018

Maybe you were really shy as a child. Perhaps you took home a huge stack of books from the school library, read them, and returned them the next day. Or did your best friend find you crying in your closet, unable to answer the question "Why?" At any rate, your life could be traced to the Self-Help section of the local bookstore. Unfortunately, most of the books were not much help. ADHD seemed to fit, at times. Your shrink said you might be Bi-Polar, although she wasn't really certain. All you knew was that you rarely fit in, anywhere. One day at work, it hit you square in the face: I don't speak these people's language! Really, it was like you were all playing this game, and everyone knew the rules but you. You couldn't tell a joke, and you never "got" any joke your co-worker tried to tell you. People started getting annoyed with you, because you had a memory like a steel trap. They didn't appreciate it when you called them on the carpet. Who knew? This was my life, and worse. I finally aced several tests that pointed me to the answer to my questions. The Autism Spectrum. Guess what? Little kids with Autism grow up to be Adults with Autism. Diagnosed late in life? This is the place for you!

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Autism (ASD) Support Group.

Moderator
Lisa Lucier, Moderator | @lisalucier | Jul 7, 2018
In reply to @mamacita "Hi everyone! How was your day? Mine was super busy, with shopping, cleaning, and getting my..." + (show)
@mamacita

Hi everyone! How was your day? Mine was super busy, with shopping, cleaning, and getting my pedicure. That is one of the girly things I do once a month to pamper myself. You sit in a massage chair and it is just terrific. But I digress. We have an announcement to make! Our group will have a new name very soon to reflect who we are and what we do here. We are growing, and not just in numbers. So stick around, ladies and gents, the show is about to begin! ( Cue the Fiftie's TV Music!) Until we meet again, MamacitaLucita

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Hello, @sirgalahad -- it is good, indeed, that genetic links and causal agents are being discovered.

I notice that you were typing in ALL CAPS in this post on the paper. You'll notice that we advise against using all caps in the community guidelines https://connect.mayoclinic.org/page/about-connect/tab/community-guidelines/. That's because all caps is considered shouting in online communications. However, a few members on Connect have to or prefer to use all caps due to typing difficulties (sore hands) or eyesight issues. Is that why you use all caps sometimes?

REPLY
sirgalahad | @sirgalahad | Jul 8, 2018
In reply to @mamacita "Hi everyone! How was your day? Mine was super busy, with shopping, cleaning, and getting my..." + (show)
@mamacita

Hi everyone! How was your day? Mine was super busy, with shopping, cleaning, and getting my pedicure. That is one of the girly things I do once a month to pamper myself. You sit in a massage chair and it is just terrific. But I digress. We have an announcement to make! Our group will have a new name very soon to reflect who we are and what we do here. We are growing, and not just in numbers. So stick around, ladies and gents, the show is about to begin! ( Cue the Fiftie's TV Music!) Until we meet again, MamacitaLucita

Jump to this post

I get lazy and forget I am not threatening anyone and I am, conscious of caps as an offence to others and thanks for the reminder

REPLY
Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | Jul 10, 2018
In reply to @gailb "@mamasitalucita I am blown away by your wisdom and gifted writing skills. Your warm and loving..." + (show)
@gailb

@mamasitalucita

I am blown away by your wisdom and gifted writing skills. Your warm and loving responses to others posting on this thread, as well as to those who haven't posted, leave me feeling loved, accepted, and comfortable in my own body. I have chronic pain, the same back problems you do, diabetes, depression (controlled by Citalopram) and PTSD. Even so, I have led a fantastic life, pressing on thru all my fears, pain, and hypervigilence. I was exhausted at times, so the spoon theory makes so much sense to me.

Now that I'm retired, I sometimes feel like I'm being lazy because I don't work enough around the house. It's taken me about 5 years to really retire and let go of the things I was good at and got paid lots of money to do. Alas, my body forced me to stop working so hard. My back gave out while I was on a consulting assignment in the Denver area, and I was forced to get a wheelchair and fly home. That was my last work. I had a laminectomy within a month of returning home. Thankfully, it relieved a great deal of my pain, and further therapy using Active Release Technique has relieved most of my remaining back pain. My husband and I live with my stepdaughter in her beautiful, huge new home. She has a housekeeper who comes 3 times a week and not only cleans and does laundry, but also does the grocery shopping and cooks on those days she's here. That is wonderful, and I love her housekeeper who has been with her for 26 years.

But, on the 4th of July, my stepdaughter had a huge family and friends gathering which was very nice. I helped get the yard cleaned as much as I could, and made a fresh fruit plate as my contribution to the food, but that's all I could do. During the party, I ended up in my bedroom for a nap. I thought I was just taking a break, but ended up falling asleep. I then made it through til 10 pm, and had to go to bed for the night. My problem is I worry about not being able to help do any of the cleanup after the party. I so want to be useful and not take up too much space in my stepdaughter's home, which she asked us to come and live at no cost to us. My fears of not doing enough to deserve it sometimes get in the way of my just taking care of myself emotionally.

Your thoughts and the feelings you express remind me that I have space in this world and that I only have so many spoons to use each day. Sometimes just getting up, showering and making the bed is as much as I can handle. Even though I have some fun shopping to do for new bedroom furniture, I haven't had the energy to go do it. Decorating is something I love to do, but I don't have the energy most days now. My stepdaughter works so hard and is constantly busy. I worry about her level of activity as it will take a toll one of these days. Next to her I feel particularly "lazy." I need to remember that I was once as active as is she, and that it's OK for me to relax now and not worry about impressing anyone, least of all myself!

I so appreciate your wisdom and beautiful words @mamasitalucita. I think I'm a neuro, but I totally relate to you. We ARE better together. Thank you for listening.

Gail
Volunteer Mentor

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You are a very special person. I could listen to you all day long. Well, except for the middle part of my day, where I am under doctors orders to put my feet up and relax, take time for myself, and just breathe. That usually includes taking a peek at Mayo Clinic to see what's going on. Or watching a bit of British tv. Life is beautiful. Moving past pain tells me so. Blessings,
Mamacita

REPLY
Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | Jul 10, 2018
In reply to @gailb "@mamasitalucita I am blown away by your wisdom and gifted writing skills. Your warm and loving..." + (show)
@gailb

@mamasitalucita

I am blown away by your wisdom and gifted writing skills. Your warm and loving responses to others posting on this thread, as well as to those who haven't posted, leave me feeling loved, accepted, and comfortable in my own body. I have chronic pain, the same back problems you do, diabetes, depression (controlled by Citalopram) and PTSD. Even so, I have led a fantastic life, pressing on thru all my fears, pain, and hypervigilence. I was exhausted at times, so the spoon theory makes so much sense to me.

Now that I'm retired, I sometimes feel like I'm being lazy because I don't work enough around the house. It's taken me about 5 years to really retire and let go of the things I was good at and got paid lots of money to do. Alas, my body forced me to stop working so hard. My back gave out while I was on a consulting assignment in the Denver area, and I was forced to get a wheelchair and fly home. That was my last work. I had a laminectomy within a month of returning home. Thankfully, it relieved a great deal of my pain, and further therapy using Active Release Technique has relieved most of my remaining back pain. My husband and I live with my stepdaughter in her beautiful, huge new home. She has a housekeeper who comes 3 times a week and not only cleans and does laundry, but also does the grocery shopping and cooks on those days she's here. That is wonderful, and I love her housekeeper who has been with her for 26 years.

But, on the 4th of July, my stepdaughter had a huge family and friends gathering which was very nice. I helped get the yard cleaned as much as I could, and made a fresh fruit plate as my contribution to the food, but that's all I could do. During the party, I ended up in my bedroom for a nap. I thought I was just taking a break, but ended up falling asleep. I then made it through til 10 pm, and had to go to bed for the night. My problem is I worry about not being able to help do any of the cleanup after the party. I so want to be useful and not take up too much space in my stepdaughter's home, which she asked us to come and live at no cost to us. My fears of not doing enough to deserve it sometimes get in the way of my just taking care of myself emotionally.

Your thoughts and the feelings you express remind me that I have space in this world and that I only have so many spoons to use each day. Sometimes just getting up, showering and making the bed is as much as I can handle. Even though I have some fun shopping to do for new bedroom furniture, I haven't had the energy to go do it. Decorating is something I love to do, but I don't have the energy most days now. My stepdaughter works so hard and is constantly busy. I worry about her level of activity as it will take a toll one of these days. Next to her I feel particularly "lazy." I need to remember that I was once as active as is she, and that it's OK for me to relax now and not worry about impressing anyone, least of all myself!

I so appreciate your wisdom and beautiful words @mamasitalucita. I think I'm a neuro, but I totally relate to you. We ARE better together. Thank you for listening.

Gail
Volunteer Mentor

Jump to this post

Dear @gailb,
Yes, I think you just might be Neurotypical. Yet the Good Lord appears to have gifted you with a rare ability to step into someone else's shoes. Your depth of compassion amazes me and makes my heart happy. One practical note here while I am thinking of it: Look for your new furniture online. You may not even have to step inside a store to purchase it. As long as you ask around, do your research, and make sure it's a reputable company, there's no need to trek from store to store, using up all your "spoons" for the day. You are definitely not "lazy." Just think of yourself as a solar panel, storing up energy! Happy furniture hunting!
Light and love,
Mamacita

REPLY
Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | Jul 10, 2018

I worry about people in my family thinking I am lazy, when I have done all I can do and must stop. I do not like to play the " sick " card. But if you have read my story, you know the laundry list of conditions I own up to. Most are in excellent control these days. Yet here I am, Autistic as all get out. We say that in the South. I'm not sure if the rest of you have that saying. Be that as it may, when I make an extra special effort to move out of my comfort zone, I will pay for it the next day. I would actually say that for me, at my age, it would normally take me two peaceful days at home to recover from one full day of work and socializing.

We had so much fun on Monday. My cousin and I laughed and talked as we worked to get her new classroom ready for the August first day of school. The school was there when I attended junior high just up the street. It's that old. I believe it might have the original floors. I know for a fact the original windows are there because I attemped to clean them. The window ledges crumbled under my attempts to eradicate mold. Needless to say, I moved on from that task to something less disastrous: scrubbing chairs.

We broke for lunch, where we joined another cousin at a local Mexican restaurant. I did stick to my low carb diet, which does seem to help me think clearer. Watch the Magic Pill, I believe it is on Netflix. Fantastic documentary. After lunch we returned to school and worked steadily until midafternoon. I was pretty tired by then and frankly, ready to go home. I enjoyed helping my cousin prepare for a new school year. I am retired, so there are no classrooms for me to prepare anymore.

It took me almost two hours to drive home. That's not an easy task when one has anxiety issues from time to time. Ok, every day. But when things are stable, I do alright. Well, passable anyway. But when I got home, it seemed as if I was in the center of a tornado.. The center is supposed to be quiet. But not for an Autistic person. I see all the wind swirling round and round and I feel like my head will explose. I was so overwhelmed by all the experiences and information I'd received that day, I just had to lie down on the sofa. I could barely speak. My Grandson made me a bed on the sofa. I gratefully headed there and stayed put for hours. You see, I had spent much of the day trying to do what neurotypicals do, and ignoring what I typically do. I deliberately chose to do that, because I truly wanted to help my cousin and spend time with her. I avoided a meltdown by doing self care.

The important thing to take away from this experience that I have shared with you, is this: If you are Autistic, Aspie, or however you refer to yourself, if you plan to engage in an activity that pushes your boundaries, prepare ahead for the experience. I hadn't brought enough water with me. Big mistake. Water is my go to. If I have that and a handful of snacks I am good to go. Another thing: Don't purchase a new phone right before you attempt any boundary pushing event. You won't be able to use it properly and that will

contribute to your anxiety level. Not good.

Change is good. New brain circuitry can develop if we remain positive. Just remember to plan ahead as much as you can, so that you can take proper care of yourself. And by the way, I still am so glad I went. It made me stretch to a higher level. And I learned what not to do ever again. Until next time, my beautiful Autie friends,
Mamacita

REPLY
Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | Jul 11, 2018
In reply to @sirgalahad "hugsand cuddles" + (show)
@sirgalahad

hugsand cuddles

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Thanks, I needed that. There is still so much activity at my house. Hubby does not feel 100% due to one of his ailments. But I am grateful we still have each other. Thankful for good friends who care about me. Pug love,
Mamacita

REPLY
Moderator
Lisa Lucier, Moderator | @lisalucier | Jul 13, 2018

Many of you have met Gail, @gailb, one of our Connect volunteer mentors. Today she was featured in our member spotlight. Please take a look and enjoy getting to know more about @gailb and her story, here:

Back and Neck Pain Lead to New Connections: Meet @gailb: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/newsfeed-post/gailb/

REPLY
Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | Jul 16, 2018

She is a Renaissance Woman in every way!

REPLY
Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | Jul 16, 2018

"Look for the helpers." That's what Mr. Rpgers said. I believed it then and I believe it now. Gail is one of those helpers. Whether you have chronic pain, depression, or find yourself with questions about Autism, the helpers are here for you. The mentors, moderators, and director of Mayo Clinic Connect work together to help others in every way they can. It is an honor and a great pleasure to know this wonderful person.

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