Doing things to relieve depression... Motivation and ideas

Hi Lisa: I am almost constantly depressed as a result of PTSD after being caught in a fire. This has led to agoraphobia and of course, depression. I am a senior and have trouble getting up from low chairs, which makes it very hard for me to go out and eat, because mostly those chairs are too low for me to get up and out of them, so I do not get out much and I am very, very lonely--thus the depression that I cannot seem to shake.

Hello @joanm65 and all. I am Scott and while I'm late to this discussion, this last comment struck a chord in me.

When I was in the last few years of my wife's caregiving I, too, was fighting depression. The isolation was especially difficult for me as I am a 'people person', had lost my job, and due to the demands of my wife's care, was as much of a shut-in as she. I was struggling to find a way to fight the depression that could fit into the tiny bits of open time I had.

I began to keep a 'To Do for Scott' list -- not caregiving chores, but small things just for me. I picked four things to put on my initial list. They had to be something I could do without disturbing my wife, do in five minutes or less, and do from my home. If I remember correctly two of the four times on my first list were to call an old friend to say hi. Another was to toss out an old plant in my office, which had seen better days and clean the pot. The last was to look online for any information I might be able to find about an old uncle of mine, who I remembered fondly from when I was just a kid. I also committed to not letting the list go below four, so as I did one I would make myself think of something to add to the bottom of the list. Always easy, quick, and enjoyed by me.

This was a small thing, but it really helped me find some meaning for myself during some very challenging years. One fun outcome was that I began to develop a real interest in our family history, a lot of which can be done online these days and has morphed into having our first ever family tree.

Courage, strength, and peace!

Yes I do and I take meds to help it all started I’m sure years ago but the big thing was I retired all of the sudden and I had estrangement issues with my son I felt like I lost my whole world as i knew it and I was so lonely I still am at times I know when I get up in the morning and I make myself get some exercise and I eat well and connect with the friends that i do have now I can feel happy again.i still struggle with this sickness still but I am trying now and can see the light mostly now so I’m thankful and grateful for that

@parus,
I just joined the Mental Health Group a few minutes ago. I am not 100% certain how to use the web page, but I do not see where anyone replied addressing your inability to get out and volunteer. I wanted to suggest that you try to find ways online.
How computer savvy are You?
Ask yourself whether you have skills or knowledge that can be shared. There may be some work you can do over the internet like word processing, internet research... just brainstorming here. For example, I am a graphic designer and get emails from a couple of groups who want something laid out like a brochure or Powerpoint presentation on a volunteer basis. It would be done "off-site", that is, from anyplace.
But if you figure out a way to volunteer without leaving the house: please let us know!

I find the online stuff empowering. You may say it doesn't entail fresh air and exercise. "Do what you can", motivates me. Online work is my feel good medicine.

@jo2010 I gave up on volunteering and nearly everything else. I stay safe within my woman's cave. Currently in the clutches of depression. I like your attachment as this is how I am feeling. I did a drawing of my grandson from a photo of a couple of years ago. I miss him terribly and have not been to see him since my DIL's birth father has moved in with them. I am sad for my son as I know he wants me to spend time with my grandson. I just cannot under the circumstances. The birth father is 10 years younger than I and blood relative to his birth daughter/ grand daughter and also my grandson. The father/grandfather is homeless and was living in TX. Now he has returned to be a mooch-how I see it. I could not ever do something like he is doing. Just me.
The drawing of my grandson before his curls were shorn.

What a talent you have - thank you for sharing this image. Very nice!
OK so the volunteerism was a dead end.
I like your task/reward list - I make too many lists instead of following one.
More like you, I also find that the first step is the hardest - 'overcoming inertia' - even if I tell myself of a rewarding feeling to come. On a good day I do not say I am waiting till I feel like it, not putting any piddling thing before it. The less thought about, the better, for me.
The more I list it " to-do" it seems, the more I resist doing it. One counselor called it 'going on strike'. Years later, this week, a case worker observed I'm "not motivated" to do what I know I should, even must.
So the discussion here is on "Doing things to relieve depression – motivation and ideas". You have found working ideas, and you are motivated enough to finish a detailed drawing once you get started. These are good things!
Truth remains, the depression treatment needs to be moved forward so that the symptoms do not continue to over whelm.
My mother is in entrenched nay-sayer. That's a good habit to break. Now in her early 80s, she is just as miserable as I have known her to be for over 50 years. I believe this is because she has not changed how she approaches her problems. She simply does not want to take control of her rightful needs enough to go through a confrontation with my dad to get it.
Those are the glasses I am looking through, so forgive me if I am wrong in thinking that you, too, are not getting what you want because you are not willing to overcome the adversity involved.
My mom doesn't want to soldier through standing her ground just because my dad doesn't like change or being out of absolute control. Not mean, just really OCD. That is her obstacle.
It sounds like your obstacle is your dislike for the people and arrangement you would have to be around to see your grandson. In my experience, that is very unlikely to change on its own.
So your choice remains: will you find motivation and ideas to fix it for yourself?
Not to be flippant or dismissive, but I have a saying based on my own observations regarding those of us who lack of motivation: "no matter how much someone loves you, they will not clean your cat box for you."
If you can find no strong enough advocate in your grandson's circle, and A visitation right is not something you can take to court, you may be stuck there.
But you're not stuck with yourself. I hope you do not spend the rest of your days in misery. When the pain of changing your acceptance of where to find joy in your life becomes less than the pain of staying put, I believe that you will find yourself in a better place.
I only say this because I am in the same struggle with you. Be it physical pain, fear of failure, adversity to confrontation, I need to be right… You name it: we all have a dead skin to shed before ever attaining the real Joy of growth.
You know it when you finish a drawing or painting. You know it when you cross a task off your list and reward yourself. You have so much bigger issues. But the strength of resolve comes from the same place. Every day.
Every adversity is a chance to grow and show grace.

@jo2010 Fortunately I do not have a cat box to clean nor a dog to walk. At present I am not inclined to show grace as this is what has me in the situation I am in and the knowing that this is the best I can do and it is my own fault for throwing an entire life a way pleasing others. I am only in the shape I am in because I always placed others first. The circle I am spinning in is that the only time anyone cares one iota is if there is something in it for them. The reason I enjoy my 3 year old grandson because he has not yet learned to be judgmental and critical. I am striving to be more like him. I know the world will suck him in and fill his little mind with trash.
I appreciate what you are saying and not criticizing your words. When one lives in close proximity with more than 60 other residents one learns to stay far from others.
I have two ways of looking at things-I am trying to simplify my world. "Can't change it, can't fix it and that goes on their plate not mine". The second thing may sound haughty in the simplified version. It simply means that I am only responsible for my own behavior and not the behavior of another.
I have hit a deep rut and do not even want to try and pull or dig myself out. All I "have" to do is see my bills are paid. I live alone in my own little woman's cave and possibly one day I will get back to being a goal setter and a reasonably high achiever at something. The physical stuff is what has gotten me stuck in the rut or at the bottom of the vortex. The harder I try the deeper into the slimy pit I am.
Now if that all makes any sense I have at least achieved something whether is be of use or not.
As for the mother thing-mine yelled and screamed from the time she awoke until she went to sleep. She was an extremely materialistic, self-centered, egotisical and greedy woman. I still have nightmares about her and she has been dead for over 6 years. I still see her in my mind as a Harpy.
As for connecting with other people in the real world-no longer interested. I am in a rather dour way and it is my own fault so it is up to me to decide how badly I want to emerge.
Grizle bear with sore paw for a mental image.
All I can say for certain is there are no bars on the windows or doors. The only bars are the ones I have placed.

@parus Do you have any good memories of your Mother? Do You miss her? i am so sorry that her defining life experiences whatever they were,became yours..it sure sounds as if you have been trying to earn love from others all of your life. So were you then, a high achiever at one time? I am
just wondering if it was to please others or was it somethng you enjoyed? I really hope that you can find the things that you enjoy...there truly are so many thngs that can bring joy, even from the depths of despair. It sounds as if your grandson is one.I had s friend who felt that her mother had destroyed her because she believed that her mother was just a bad person.She learned all that she could sbout her mother’s past, and it helped her. I wouldn’t even consider quoting platitudes to you. You seem insightful and very angry to me. I really hope that you are finding some solace from this group.

@bykrchic Oh my, I am so sorry about the estrangment with your son. There is so very painful. You are far from alone in this. This has become an epidemic our country. There is a very good book ( and probably more) on the market. I send you a hug and tell you this...you will survive this and it will get better and there are some things that you csn do to help yourself. 1. Remember this:you can't change anyone else. 2. You can change how you react to the situation. 3. There is support because so many people are going through this. 4. You will always love your child, relationship or not. Keeping writing, Please. Be blessed!