@kathy4385

Is your church large enough that you could just slip in and out without connecting with others until you and they are ready? Are there small groups, or even a Celebrate Recovery group, or a service other than Sunday morning? I know how important it is to be able to sit with others in worship. A podcast just isn't the same thing, though it does fill a need. I hope that you'll soon be able to get back to your friends at church, with or without reconciliation.

jim

@muppey I hope you find a meeting soon. They can be so supportive!

I look forward to hearing from you again - you add a lot of compassion and empathy to our discussion group, Mark.

Teresa

@tbaxter33

Too often people say that things are God's will that are far from His will. I don't think that the sudden death of a child or the horrific genocide happening against Christians in Nigeria are God's will. I will concede that He can turn around a painful event to be a growing or learning experience for us. Certainly, we know that He's aware of all that happens, and allows things to happen, but He doesn't will things like the death of your son. I don't know how you feel about suicide as a sin. I've heard too many people say categorically that anyone who commits suicide is going to hell. I don't agree with that statement. I know that some will, if they didn't know Jesus, but I don't believe that suicide is an unforgivable sin that prevents a person from going to heaven.

I've made a number of suicide attempts myself, and I know that I wasn't thinking rationally at those times. I just wanted to end the pain. To a person at that place, suicide IS a rational decision, and often no amount of criticizing or judging or persuading can prevent an attempt by a determined person. For someone to say things to me like "Suicide is a selfish act." or "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem", only irritated me. They certainly didn't have an effect on my wanting to die. When I was swallowing a handful of pills, calling a suicide hotline was the last thing I'd do because they'd only try to stop me. DUH!

Anyway, I agree with you that not everything that happens in this world is God's will.

Gotta go help my wife get supper on the table.

Jim

No, its very small, When I have gone, like for funerals etc. I am left totally alone, so is easier to stay away. Dont know if you have ever been in a crowd, and felt alone, but that is how I feel in my church. People say hi and walk away, no one asks me sit with them, or wants to talk with me. Just a tough situation, I believe they are following the lead of the person I hurt.
Kathy

Hope you may have called around or something made way for you to go to your meeting, @muppey.

Hi Jim, @jimhd

You provided all the most used platitudes - they are rather useless when a person is under the cloud of depression.

Teresa

kathy4358

Kathy, me again. I am drawn to your posts because you have been writing so much of what I have felt for so many years in come cases. I do completely understand your discomfort attending services under the conditions which you describe. I get how awkward it must feel going to services or other events and nobody sits with you. What a feeling of isolation that creates - which can surely lead to feelings of hopelessness. We feel that our brothers and sisters in Christ should be there for us and support us through our circumstances. On a more global scale, I firmly believe that much of what is unfolding today in the Church is generational. When we "baby boomers" were in our prime and calling more of the shots, we enjoyed much more of the more intimate relationships with our brothers and sisters. Then the Gen-X folks came along and assumed more positions of leadership in our congregations while they felt that we Baby Boomers were simply "aging out" and were carrying on outdated traditions. As a result, they wanted change -- and boy did they get it. In fact, my personal experience was with a church were the Gen-X folks demanded change or they would move on to another congregation. In fact, they took over the home congregation and FORCED the baby boomers to exit the church that many of them had grown up in and build their own building in town thereby calling it by a different name. What they did not figure out until later is that the "high contributors" had just been run off, so their revenue stream (contributions) was diminished extensively (after hiring the high priced pulpit minister, the high dollar tag worship leader, etc. Then comes the Millennials. The millennials are a group that is totally different than anything we have seen. I think they generally are minimalists, and value experiences over material possessions. I am not sure about this, but I believe what they desire in a church is a place where they can go to, slip out, and not spend the time talking following a service. Rather, they had rather spend time with selected friends over a very nice dinner. I say all this to say that the composition of the church is changed tremendously over my lifetimes, and the general values, wants, goals out of going to church are vastly different than not too many years ago. Today, so many people are so wrapped up in themselves and in their "clickish" groups. Many times today, churches are run more like a business than a congregation of God's people. It is just the way it is. I guess my point here is to try not to be terribly discouraged when people do not reach out to you. I imagine you do not want to do this, but it may be worth visiting some alternate places of worship and see what new doors may be opened. You may find a church filled with others just like yourself, except the personality of the church is more open, thereby recognizing each others hurts, fears, pain, etc. Wouldn't that be wonderful to get established at a place like that? (Sorry for any spelling issues or typeo's -- no time to proof this).

Reply to myself. I didn't miss that meeting as I did call and Gary gave me a ride. Guess I'm getting better.

That is wonderful to hear, @muppey!

Did you find it useful?

@kathy4385,
"people dont realize that hurting people hurt." There's an understatement! There is one thing in the miracles that always gets me. I'm not a woman but my x is and I relate to this as she was in need of an hysterectomy but the doctor misjudged the situation.

Mary was almost gone when the hospital called and told us to come in. When we got there the receptionist was ready for her and made this excuse that they'd have to put her in intensive care because there were no extra beds elsewhere. I stood there for a good while as the nurses tried to get a vein but couldn't so they called for the best 'vein' finder. I left as I knew Mary was out and the nurses were taking good care of her and I was in the way. They fixed it and everything turned out great.

The miracle reference is when this lady had "an issue of blood for many years" (???). This lady was brave and terrified at the same time but figured if she could touch Jesus' garment she'd be fine. She did! Then Jesus turned and said, "Who touched me for I have felt virtue leave me!" The poor lady was terrified and tried to hide but Jesus knew her and called her and she was healed.

Gets me every time.

Take care!
Mark