@lisalucier
Every AA meeting is useful. It's an amazing gathering of people who are so grateful for the help that's given. I'm not sure what to call it as it is a 'leaderless' bunch of people, no one becomes a leader, people serve at meetings for a given period, and in private one on one encounters with sponsors who guide them through the steps.

I just got back from a 12:30 meeting. I don't bring up this stuff I mention here but they wouldn't dock me if I did. One woman talked a little about loosing her children and started crying, who can blame her? I'd go nuts if I couldn't never see my sons during that time. I don't know her full story but it'll come along. The women flock around each other like they're all...women doing what women do. Sometimes they'll go into giggle fits which is fun to watch. Makes me laugh anyway. I think they all have some conspiratorial inside secret. Just wondering.

@muppey Thank you for the Bible reference. I had forgotten about His comment that virtue had left Him. That refreshed me after a long day.

Thanks for the reply, good advice, but live in very small town, and the closest evangelical church is quite a ways away, next town. I found that if its not close you dont become a regular attender. But am considering of moving back to where I grew up, where I can be closer to family. Just in the looking stage. I just dont understand what I believed to be a outreaching loving community to totally leave me so alone, especially when they told my husband that they would make sure I would be ok, and the pastor told me he would never give up on me or abandon me. But that is just what has seemed to happen.
At a lose for words.
Kathy

@2011panc,
Glad He could help. It really does exactly what I said. Guys will never understand some things. Just the way it is.
I keep looking for your posts. It's ok if you write me rough. I'm a man and can take it...if your gentle with me.
Take care!
Mark

@kathy4385
Someone out here in California knows exactly what you said and it's a sad day when it happens. I've not been in your particular situation but close enough that I really do understand.
One guy basically called me a liar one evening. He didn't think my little story, which included a woman, an x husband, me, and a gun was true, just "BS". Last time I dated her, she wasn't divorced yet, she didn't tell me that part.
I'm not a liar so when I tell you I was there I could write a long post and bore you, slam the preacher, the church and the others involved, but that wouldn't help. I wrote a poem a long time ago titled. It Hurts When They Steal Your Dreams Away. (got angry one day and burned a of of stuff)

It's wrong to steal anything whether it's tangible or intangible. Your car is tangible, your heart is not, your dreams aren't and your hopes are not tangible items. People steal them anyway and think nothing of it. That's where the heartache comes from. Betrayal of trust is just mean and you have every right to cry over it.

If you want to take your mind off of your troubles for a while. Get a job running one of God's Nebulas. Think you got trouble now? How do you manage a star? Don't ask me, but these Nebulas are birthing stars all the...for a really long time. How to build one. Let's see, a couple of Googolplexians of oxygen, plus a table spoon of baking soda. Yikes!

(Googlepexian: The worlds largest number with a name. A "1" followed by a googolplex of zeros. Googolplex: The second largest number with a name. A "1" followed by a googol of zeros. Googol: A large number.)

When you get done with your first one I want an invite to the Star Warming. That'll be HOT!

Years ago some chick wrote me an invite to the 40th, 8th grade reunion. When I opened it a lot of Stars and Stardust fell out. Then she signed it xoxoxo. (hint)
Took me years to figure out what that meant.
It took a woman to tell me. Hugs & kisses...etc. Pretty sure I still have that invite.
Goodnight.

Bless your heart! I think I get what you’re saying. You’re get up and go laid down on the job. You’re among people who don’t judge, I won’t ever tell u to get over it, and your among people who are feeling a lot of the same things you feel. We have to never give up, put the best you have into each day, love those pets, go for walks, take baby steps. Some days I have to fake my way through the day. We can do this, it may take us awhile but we can do this. I think about us all on here daily. Sunnymygirl ❤️

@kathy4385

I pastored a church in a town of 247. Shopping and doctors were 3 hours away. The local Methodist Church service was earlier than ours, and we attended there just to be able to sit in a pew. When we moved away, we went to the local church for 8 years, but I couldn't stay any longer because of the pastor's negativity. It was dragging me down, and I told the pastor how much it was affecting me, especially because of my depression. We go to a good church now that's 30 miles away. There are probably several other good churches locally, but I preferred to stick with the denomination I'm ordained with.

Change is hard. And having problems within the church is even harder. Be patient and don't make any quick decisions that you might regret later.

Jim

@kathy4385,
There's a passage that explains your question a bit. You asked, "what His purpose is for me." "...when it comes to pass, you will know." I understand this is referring to what Jesus said was going to happen but I think it can be applied to you at the moment. None of us are world shakers and movers and not expected to be. However if you bring a little ray into someone's life maybe that's all there is to it.
The song isn't, "How Great I am!" but, "How Great Thou Art." That sounds a little preachy maybe but the truth is I've sung it both ways over the years. The former in jest to myself, the latter...

It's beautiful outside, it's not even noon and I'm ready for a nap. The last time I was just going to lay down to charge my battery but fell asleep. Sometimes when I fall asleep I'll wake with a start, gasping for breath and don't recall having a bad dream of anything. Bugs me when that happens. I like to wake easy! Naps are a new experience for me. Guess that happens when every other thing in life gets stood on end and all your energy has been stolen.

I'm tired, Good Night.
Mark

Hi. Iknow what it is like feel alone. due to chronic illness for the past 23 years, I have gradually become more and more alone. I lost my brother who was my best friend a year and a half ago. I found, as you did, that there is no time clock on grief. You know, I have found that one thing that has helped me although it can be painful at first. I have begun to write our story..the story of our family..I write just as long as I feel like it in a journal while relaxing or even in bed.Then occasionally I type the story out on the computer, making corrections, etc as I go and adding pictures (I took a few days and cropped and scanned a bunch of pictures and scanned them onto my computer to use). Often I cry as I remember, but just as often, I laugh. This is one of the ways I process the grief. Another thing that I didis to start making photos of beautiful things, like flowersandpets and making a scrapbook as I learn how to do a better job. (Many sites online offer ideas.) Since youmentioned your Faith, I want you to really know that you are not alone. I, too am a Christian, and since I am iil, going to church is mostly impossible, so I study at home. One of my favorite verses is Psalms 91:4 ...
"He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection." This verse makes me feel that our God is so close. Also, at night as I fall asleep I quote the 23rd psalm to myself. You know I am always asleep before I finish it now. These are ideas that have helped me. You know best what has made you happy in the past. I encourage you to get back into the things that you love and begin to practice them again and to also try some new things. You are loved. Be blessed!

Hello @gemmax

I appreciate that you have shared with us so many of the tools you use to deal with your grief. The writing, the photos (I just love the kitten photo that you posted) and your faith are very important to your healing.

I urge you to keep in touch. I look forward to hearing from you again.

Teresa