Good for you! Writing is one of the best ways to figure things out and move forward in life.

@tbaxter33 I have experienced the transformation of the “Churches”. We as Christians know that the true church is within.Sadly, so few church goers even know what means now. Going to church has become a routine, like joining a country club; a place where you can get married, be baptized,have a memorial service. This has happened gradually. One can find a group of people that they feel comfortable with in some of the smaller churches in their faith where they may find some new friends and a church “family”, but you may have to try several.No group is going to be perfect, but if you are interested,it is worth a try. And food for thought;the main goa lis not to help ourselves, but to help others. Be blessed!

@gemmax

Thanks for that reminder about the purpose of church. I once heard that churches are not showplaces for saints but hospitals for sinners.
Teresa

@tbaxter33
The saying "you been reading my mail" is just a metaphor. I get in a little trouble when I use metaphor's when talking to people. It makes me laugh, but I don't laugh at people who don't get it. The other day I used one, "...then my brain exploded all over the county and the Sheriff found part of it in the County Courthouse and returned it to me. That's why I'm able to speak with you tonight." It seemed simple to me but I guess you need background, which I thought I'd delivered earlier, but it went over people's heads. It's just that I went nuts, and later on the Sheriff delivered the divorce papers. Gotta be more careful I guess.

Anyway, I know that your pain won't disappear. How could it? How would you ever appreciate that? My experience with it started when I met my wife some twenty two years ago. Her son had died of suicide just six months earlier. I lived and dealt with her pain for all these years. Got tiring sometimes to tell the truth. Mary would just cry. Sometimes she would curse her kids father who didn't seem to give much of a hoot about the whole thing. Mary laid a lot of blame on him for good reason. He got an epiphany one day and decided to get right with his church, they allowed him back in, he...anyway, long story short, he got my wife away from me. This won't help her pain because he doesn't care for that, I know him, from family parties and such. One day!

People can be so gross. Anyone who'd tell you it was God's will that your son died is a nut. That's me being kind. If I'd ever had said that to Mary she'd have smacked me, and she's not violent.

Mary would have periods of peace but the whole ordeal is a really big thing and not a "Oh, get over it!" kind of thing. I hate that statement. I want to call them stupid, but they just don't know. I'm here looking for clues how to survive as I think you're doing also. You haven't mentioned much about your wife. How does she deal with it? Maybe I missed a post.

@kathy4385,
"I have asked, but no reply," Did you know the burden is on the person who won't forgive you? It is not on you. The rule is you approach the person, then if they refuse you take another person or two...read Matthew 18:15-20. I had an experience similar to that and was kind of shocked that the preacher took the other persons side. I attempted to apologize but was refused. I didn't do much of anything, it was a situation which was one sided and I was very confused by it all. They really did kick me out after a while, three man trial and all.
In my opinion everyone else is crazy and I'm the only sane one. haha.
Mark

@muppey Mark

I am so sorry for the painful experiences you have encountered. I am appreciative of your participation in this discussion group, Mark. You share your pain with others and in this way you begin the healing journey for yourself and others.

I like your emphasis on forgiveness. I have a friend who says that holding onto hurts and resentments is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die. When we forgive (not forget) we do it for ourselves - to keep us healthy and sound of mind and body.

As always, I look forward to hearing from you again.

Teresa

@hopeful33250,
Isn't it crazy when I'm the only sane one? Just kidding, (sort fo) but sometimes I get so 'inward' that I can't do anything. When you get this way, or I get this way, I tend to clam up. AA helps a lot but I still can't get this off my mind. What do you do when you tell the therapist, "I understand you don't understand what I'm trying to say but I still need someone to try."? Then I explain a little and they (I hired a civilian chick therapist also, along with the VA therapist) actually told me they've never heard of it, but you can talk here! OK, I'll talk, but I also want some feed back.

I understand all that, but it'd be nice if just one person could say "Ok, been there done that, I understand."

Little Mezi understands but I think her and Joe are getting together again. I hope so! I hope her and Joe are to busy with getting back together. Yes, I know it's a projection but I think it's a good one. My brother Mike was out hiking in the woods above Love Creek and ran into them together. That was fun, good news because I've always liked Mezi, and Joe. They are a cute couple with a beautiful son.

May be some justice in this crazy world after all.
Thanks
Mark

I am so sorry to read that this has happened, @kathy4385, and that you are feeling abandoned by the very people who said they would look after you and not abandon you. That has to hurt very badly.

The idea of moving back to where you grew up and where you might be closer to family seems worth investigating. Have you looked at places to live there, or are you not quite at that stage just yet?

Yes I realize that, and agree, but I believe this is due more to me grieving and hurting those I care about, and they just couldn't handle it. so abandoned me, so they wouldn't be hurt further. So when I seek forgiveness , its easier to just not respond to me.
Kathy

@stressedmesseddepressed 'Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Be someone’s angel today..open up and talk about your own pain,and just perhaps they will be able to talk about theirs Show companionship and caring,