1. < Depression & Anxiety

Long-term depression

Posted by seeker70 @seeker70, Oct 11, 2017

I have been depressed, when I think about it, since I was a kid (I"m a senior now!) I have been treated off and on with meds and minimal talk therapy, but nothing changes. In the past it has been underlying but as I grow older it is becoming more intense. People ask: 'why are you depressed? I never get depressed, just get a better attitude'. Or they don't hear my (probably passive-aggressive) cries for help. Or they say: 'what do you have to be depressed about?' Actually although I agree with these opinions to a certain extent, it does not address the problem that depression is not a 'why', not is it a 'choice'. It's almost like being gay, you just are. Maybe I should just accept it (guess that's what I have done for decades 🙂 But I don't want to. I want to feel better now. Earlier in my life I was able to enjoy things, although the depression would keep popping out. But now I seem to have trouble enjoying anything, including my own family, and it's harder and harder to 'push depression down' once it's popped. So I have longer periods of depression and sadness and sleeplessness and lonliness, an shorter periods of being able to enjoy my life. Or want something. Or look forward to anything. I will say too that I have as much to be happy about as I do to be unhappy - but as I said, it's not a 'why'. I'm looking for people to explore this idea, and to help each other begin to overcome. Or maybe it's just me and there's no one else who feels this way -- 😉 Thank you for reading all this.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

shoregal45 | @shoregal45 | Mar 16, 2018
In reply to @lisalucier "Hello, @stressedmesseddepressed -- I wanted to add my welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. You and @jimhd..." + (show)
@lisalucier

Hello, @stressedmesseddepressed -- I wanted to add my welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. You and @jimhd both have a great idea about stretching and its relaxing properties.

I thought you might be interested in some information Mayo Clinic has written on stretching:

- http://mayocl.in/2mbjmDA (stretching essentials)

- http://mayocl.in/2CGZLmg (slide show with guide to stretches)

Is stretching something you practice regularly for your mental (and/or physical) health?

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Thanks. I would think a prescription means it's with a medical doctor's approval.

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jancer2017 | @jancer2017 | Mar 17, 2018

Good meaningful words to keep in mind 24/7. Thank you!

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Parus | @parus | Mar 31, 2018

For now the joy is ebbing a way. I tell myself I have much to be thankful for and how much worse things could be. This is true. I saw a blurb on celebrities with mental illnesses. Okay, now it is the in thing. Of course they can get more attention this way too. Attention I do not want. I don't want to be depressed either and surely must be weak if I cannot turn my depression over to God or some other sublime being. Does anyone else ever feel they are being punished for some unknown malady? Okay, cannot enter this line of thinking. Side effects of the thyroid med are beyond uncomfortable. By 3-4 pm things will not be so uncomfortable physically. As a child I would pray that God would send angels to take me home...I was a child then and have put aside childish things. Would that I could escape depression.
Keep trying/wanting to be of some value and feel I have a place or purpose. To think I could have been a depressed actress. Money does not buy happiness. I live within my means and do not have to pay others to keep my life in order.

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6 replies
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Mar 31, 2018

@parus

You certainly do have value in our Connect community and no doubt with your grandson! Thank you for sharing your feelings today. I hope for a better day for you tomorrow.

Teresa

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shoregal45 | @shoregal45 | Mar 31, 2018
In reply to @parus "For now the joy is ebbing a way. I tell myself I have much to be..." + (show)
@parus

For now the joy is ebbing a way. I tell myself I have much to be thankful for and how much worse things could be. This is true. I saw a blurb on celebrities with mental illnesses. Okay, now it is the in thing. Of course they can get more attention this way too. Attention I do not want. I don't want to be depressed either and surely must be weak if I cannot turn my depression over to God or some other sublime being. Does anyone else ever feel they are being punished for some unknown malady? Okay, cannot enter this line of thinking. Side effects of the thyroid med are beyond uncomfortable. By 3-4 pm things will not be so uncomfortable physically. As a child I would pray that God would send angels to take me home...I was a child then and have put aside childish things. Would that I could escape depression.
Keep trying/wanting to be of some value and feel I have a place or purpose. To think I could have been a depressed actress. Money does not buy happiness. I live within my means and do not have to pay others to keep my life in order.

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May I ask what side effects you get from thyroid meds? Do you have hypo or hyper? I am hypo

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Moderator
Lisa Lucier, Moderator | @lisalucier | Mar 31, 2018
In reply to @parus "For now the joy is ebbing a way. I tell myself I have much to be..." + (show)
@parus

For now the joy is ebbing a way. I tell myself I have much to be thankful for and how much worse things could be. This is true. I saw a blurb on celebrities with mental illnesses. Okay, now it is the in thing. Of course they can get more attention this way too. Attention I do not want. I don't want to be depressed either and surely must be weak if I cannot turn my depression over to God or some other sublime being. Does anyone else ever feel they are being punished for some unknown malady? Okay, cannot enter this line of thinking. Side effects of the thyroid med are beyond uncomfortable. By 3-4 pm things will not be so uncomfortable physically. As a child I would pray that God would send angels to take me home...I was a child then and have put aside childish things. Would that I could escape depression.
Keep trying/wanting to be of some value and feel I have a place or purpose. To think I could have been a depressed actress. Money does not buy happiness. I live within my means and do not have to pay others to keep my life in order.

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I echo what @hopeful33250 said, @parus, that you have a high value here on Connect. You have wise words for others and deeply-pondered input. You also bring up valuable topics for members to discuss. Fortunate to have you here.

I'm sorry it's a down day.

What do you have planned for today, @parus? Any particular activity that helps when you feel more like this?

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Mentor
Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | Mar 31, 2018
In reply to @parus "For now the joy is ebbing a way. I tell myself I have much to be..." + (show)
@parus

For now the joy is ebbing a way. I tell myself I have much to be thankful for and how much worse things could be. This is true. I saw a blurb on celebrities with mental illnesses. Okay, now it is the in thing. Of course they can get more attention this way too. Attention I do not want. I don't want to be depressed either and surely must be weak if I cannot turn my depression over to God or some other sublime being. Does anyone else ever feel they are being punished for some unknown malady? Okay, cannot enter this line of thinking. Side effects of the thyroid med are beyond uncomfortable. By 3-4 pm things will not be so uncomfortable physically. As a child I would pray that God would send angels to take me home...I was a child then and have put aside childish things. Would that I could escape depression.
Keep trying/wanting to be of some value and feel I have a place or purpose. To think I could have been a depressed actress. Money does not buy happiness. I live within my means and do not have to pay others to keep my life in order.

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@parus

Self value is a tough one for me. I think that it used to be much better, but the dive into the depression hole, and being slandered in the process, gave my self value a big hit. I'm still trying to rebuild 12 years later. It's much easier to see the value in others.

You have surely established value with us here at Connect.

Jim

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Parus | @parus | Apr 2, 2018
In reply to @parus "For now the joy is ebbing a way. I tell myself I have much to be..." + (show)
@parus

For now the joy is ebbing a way. I tell myself I have much to be thankful for and how much worse things could be. This is true. I saw a blurb on celebrities with mental illnesses. Okay, now it is the in thing. Of course they can get more attention this way too. Attention I do not want. I don't want to be depressed either and surely must be weak if I cannot turn my depression over to God or some other sublime being. Does anyone else ever feel they are being punished for some unknown malady? Okay, cannot enter this line of thinking. Side effects of the thyroid med are beyond uncomfortable. By 3-4 pm things will not be so uncomfortable physically. As a child I would pray that God would send angels to take me home...I was a child then and have put aside childish things. Would that I could escape depression.
Keep trying/wanting to be of some value and feel I have a place or purpose. To think I could have been a depressed actress. Money does not buy happiness. I live within my means and do not have to pay others to keep my life in order.

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@jimhd Your words remind me of words from an old Simon and Garfunkle song-"I've been slandered, I've been libeled, I've heard words I've never heard in the Bible". My self worth has taken many a hit from judgmental people who relish in using the scriptures as weapons. There was depression even among the Old Testament Saints.
Low self esteem is a tough one and I can make that dive down the depression hole as well.
As to the value in others...? The judgmental ones I avoid. We all have value. It is one thing to be humble and another to become a doormat.
All white outside as we had snow last evening. Wonder if that thing about rain on Easter means rain the next 7 Sundays applies to snow??

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Parus | @parus | Apr 2, 2018
In reply to @parus "For now the joy is ebbing a way. I tell myself I have much to be..." + (show)
@parus

For now the joy is ebbing a way. I tell myself I have much to be thankful for and how much worse things could be. This is true. I saw a blurb on celebrities with mental illnesses. Okay, now it is the in thing. Of course they can get more attention this way too. Attention I do not want. I don't want to be depressed either and surely must be weak if I cannot turn my depression over to God or some other sublime being. Does anyone else ever feel they are being punished for some unknown malady? Okay, cannot enter this line of thinking. Side effects of the thyroid med are beyond uncomfortable. By 3-4 pm things will not be so uncomfortable physically. As a child I would pray that God would send angels to take me home...I was a child then and have put aside childish things. Would that I could escape depression.
Keep trying/wanting to be of some value and feel I have a place or purpose. To think I could have been a depressed actress. Money does not buy happiness. I live within my means and do not have to pay others to keep my life in order.

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@shoregal45 I am hypo. I take Nature-Throid as I am allergic to the synthetic Synthroid as well as the generic. I have been told to keep taking it and allow my body to adapt. Currently doing my best to comply and deal with the discomfort. 10-12 hours after taking it the side effects start to improve and I am thankful. Stay with it and see how it goes. I have had a lot of trouble with medications since I have gotten older. Goes with the territory. I know I have to take it or be in worse shape.

REPLY
shoregal45 | @shoregal45 | Apr 2, 2018
In reply to @parus "For now the joy is ebbing a way. I tell myself I have much to be..." + (show)
@parus

For now the joy is ebbing a way. I tell myself I have much to be thankful for and how much worse things could be. This is true. I saw a blurb on celebrities with mental illnesses. Okay, now it is the in thing. Of course they can get more attention this way too. Attention I do not want. I don't want to be depressed either and surely must be weak if I cannot turn my depression over to God or some other sublime being. Does anyone else ever feel they are being punished for some unknown malady? Okay, cannot enter this line of thinking. Side effects of the thyroid med are beyond uncomfortable. By 3-4 pm things will not be so uncomfortable physically. As a child I would pray that God would send angels to take me home...I was a child then and have put aside childish things. Would that I could escape depression.
Keep trying/wanting to be of some value and feel I have a place or purpose. To think I could have been a depressed actress. Money does not buy happiness. I live within my means and do not have to pay others to keep my life in order.

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So sorry you have to deal with side effects. I've been on Synthroid for over 20 years. The thyroid is tricky - it's a balancing act with the numbers. I had palpitations for a long while and when my dosage was lowered the palps stopped. We have to be our own advocates. Good luck to you.

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