1. < Depression & Anxiety

Long-term depression

Posted by seeker70 @seeker70, Oct 11, 2017

I have been depressed, when I think about it, since I was a kid (I"m a senior now!) I have been treated off and on with meds and minimal talk therapy, but nothing changes. In the past it has been underlying but as I grow older it is becoming more intense. People ask: 'why are you depressed? I never get depressed, just get a better attitude'. Or they don't hear my (probably passive-aggressive) cries for help. Or they say: 'what do you have to be depressed about?' Actually although I agree with these opinions to a certain extent, it does not address the problem that depression is not a 'why', not is it a 'choice'. It's almost like being gay, you just are. Maybe I should just accept it (guess that's what I have done for decades 🙂 But I don't want to. I want to feel better now. Earlier in my life I was able to enjoy things, although the depression would keep popping out. But now I seem to have trouble enjoying anything, including my own family, and it's harder and harder to 'push depression down' once it's popped. So I have longer periods of depression and sadness and sleeplessness and lonliness, an shorter periods of being able to enjoy my life. Or want something. Or look forward to anything. I will say too that I have as much to be happy about as I do to be unhappy - but as I said, it's not a 'why'. I'm looking for people to explore this idea, and to help each other begin to overcome. Or maybe it's just me and there's no one else who feels this way -- 😉 Thank you for reading all this.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

Parus | @parus | Feb 16, 2018
In reply to @parus "@lisalucier I would be honored to do so. Where is the best place to do this?..." + (show)
@parus

@lisalucier I would be honored to do so. Where is the best place to do this? I know if it were not for doing art work I would surely stay at the bottom of the vortex. My profile picture is one of my most recent. The weather was bitterly cold and being one who loves nature and the creatures dwelling herein I derive a sense of rest with putting how I feel into pictures. I will post this one in its proper format. It started out as a newborn foal alone on a cold day. I finished it w/o snow as it was only cold. When I finished the painting I looked outside to see horizontal snow. I then added the blowing snow to the painting I thought I had finished. Attached is the before the snow version and then when the snow came. Thus the 1st now only exists as a copy. I like this concept. If it helps another then I have succeeded in some way. Here goes...

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@vdandy Art is my only safe place. When the paint flows from the brush onto the paper I am there.

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Parus | @parus | Feb 16, 2018
In reply to @parus "I was once told that depression is anger turned inward...these words came from a long ago..." + (show)
@parus

I was once told that depression is anger turned inward...these words came from a long ago therapist that I fired and the nightmare that followed was a frightening experience. I did the right thing. Any input on the depression/anger theory?

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@jimhd I try not to think often about how I really feel as this leads downward...I am here and all I can acknowledge. At times I wonder what my life may have been without all of the abuse...probably what it is now.

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kdo0827 | @kdo0827 | Feb 16, 2018
In reply to @gman007 "https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/methadone-oral-route/before-using/drg-20075806 This may help, but I think the most important advice is to discuss stopping with..." + (show)
@gman007

https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/methadone-oral-route/before-using/drg-20075806 This may help, but I think the most important advice is to discuss stopping with your doctor and the best method of doing so. I went straight from methadone to an opiate and just transitioned, so I don't think I can tell you exactly what the w/d symptoms may be, but also look under opiates : https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/hydromorphone-oral-route/description/drg-20074171 to maybe get a better idea of what to expect, but I don't think the w/d from methadone is as severe as long-term opioid use, but I am sure it is very individualized.

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Thanks! I'll check these out.

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Parus | @parus | Feb 16, 2018
In reply to @gman007 "@kdo0827 As a result of chronic pancreatitis, I have lived with chronic pain for about a..." + (show)
@gman007

@kdo0827 As a result of chronic pancreatitis, I have lived with chronic pain for about a dozen years. I have taken both opiods and methadone and been up and down the dosage tables several times. The withdrawal from either is not what you would call a walk in the park. You will think at times that you may not survive the experience, but as long as you follow a reasonable process of weaning yourself off the medication, you will survive. Spend some time reading about the things you can expect from your body over some period of time and I think that can vary for anyone as can the severity of any symptoms of withdrawal. You will see some things that may help minimize the symptoms and some work for some and other things for other people. If you are committed to being off pain medication, you will make it, but realize that after 3-4 years your body craves it like oxygen and be kind to yourself in terms of time.

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@gman007 What causes pancreatitis?

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Mentor
Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | Feb 16, 2018
In reply to @parus "I was once told that depression is anger turned inward...these words came from a long ago..." + (show)
@parus

I was once told that depression is anger turned inward...these words came from a long ago therapist that I fired and the nightmare that followed was a frightening experience. I did the right thing. Any input on the depression/anger theory?

Jump to this post

@parus

But probably not. There's no way to know the what ifs. All we can know is what is. What was, is done and can't be undone, partly unfortunately and partly fortunately. We grieve for all kinds of things, and grief could last a week, or it could last for a lifetime. A fair amount of depression and anxiety and PTSD springs out of grief. Something I know is that no one can make me stop grieving. Either I do or I don't. It hit me hard a few weeks ago when my therapist told me that trauma memories never go away. No one had ever verbalized that to me. I think that I'd always hoped they would go away.

I've told my current therapist things I'd never told anyone. Some of the things had been stuffed back in the hidden corners of my mind. Pulling them out of the dark places has made me understand how and why I've arrived at where I am today. Not that it makes things easier.

Has knowledge been at all empowering for you? It has me. I think it's helped me know and accept myself and to deal with people connected with the traumas. Maybe I've separated the people from the hurts. I don't know if that makes any sense. Have you experienced some of that?

Jim

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vdandy | @vdandy | Feb 16, 2018
In reply to @parus "@lisalucier I would be honored to do so. Where is the best place to do this?..." + (show)
@parus

@lisalucier I would be honored to do so. Where is the best place to do this? I know if it were not for doing art work I would surely stay at the bottom of the vortex. My profile picture is one of my most recent. The weather was bitterly cold and being one who loves nature and the creatures dwelling herein I derive a sense of rest with putting how I feel into pictures. I will post this one in its proper format. It started out as a newborn foal alone on a cold day. I finished it w/o snow as it was only cold. When I finished the painting I looked outside to see horizontal snow. I then added the blowing snow to the painting I thought I had finished. Attached is the before the snow version and then when the snow came. Thus the 1st now only exists as a copy. I like this concept. If it helps another then I have succeeded in some way. Here goes...

Jump to this post

I am so glad you have your art.

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Mentor
Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | Feb 16, 2018

@seeker70

Jim here, just looking to see if you still follow Mayo Connect.

Jim

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Mentor
Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | Feb 16, 2018
In reply to @padraig "I have suffered from depression since 1988. I am now 59 years old. My GP treated..." + (show)
@padraig

I have suffered from depression since 1988. I am now 59 years old. My GP treated me for many years with varying degrees of success. Looking back now he should have sent me to a psychiatrist for treatment. I had to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital in 2011 for a major depressive episode. Initially I was being treated for anxiety. The team in the hospital decided to focus more on the depression aspect of my illness. My GP would have always said that the anxiety was the outward symptom of my depression. I did not need Xanax to treat the anxiety element of my depression. After two months the doctors decided to try ECT and change my melds to SNRIs. The results were amazing. I knew this treatment had worked for me. I know there is a lot of controversy with ECT. I was discharged shortly afterwards.
When I came home I made contact with a clinical psychologist. I attended the psychologist for the next year every fortnight . We used CBT and Mindfulness as our main tools to aid me in my recovery.
Never give up hope. I never thought that I would ever feel the way that I am currently feeling.

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@parus

I've been wondering if having a spinal cord stimulator would make ECT contraindicated.

Jim

REPLY
Mentor
Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | Feb 16, 2018
In reply to @parus "@lisalucier I would be honored to do so. Where is the best place to do this?..." + (show)
@parus

@lisalucier I would be honored to do so. Where is the best place to do this? I know if it were not for doing art work I would surely stay at the bottom of the vortex. My profile picture is one of my most recent. The weather was bitterly cold and being one who loves nature and the creatures dwelling herein I derive a sense of rest with putting how I feel into pictures. I will post this one in its proper format. It started out as a newborn foal alone on a cold day. I finished it w/o snow as it was only cold. When I finished the painting I looked outside to see horizontal snow. I then added the blowing snow to the painting I thought I had finished. Attached is the before the snow version and then when the snow came. Thus the 1st now only exists as a copy. I like this concept. If it helps another then I have succeeded in some way. Here goes...

Jump to this post

@vdandy

Thank you for sharing this. It sounds like it could be a great, effective tool for many people.

Jim

REPLY
Parus | @parus | Feb 17, 2018
In reply to @padraig "I have suffered from depression since 1988. I am now 59 years old. My GP treated..." + (show)
@padraig

I have suffered from depression since 1988. I am now 59 years old. My GP treated me for many years with varying degrees of success. Looking back now he should have sent me to a psychiatrist for treatment. I had to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital in 2011 for a major depressive episode. Initially I was being treated for anxiety. The team in the hospital decided to focus more on the depression aspect of my illness. My GP would have always said that the anxiety was the outward symptom of my depression. I did not need Xanax to treat the anxiety element of my depression. After two months the doctors decided to try ECT and change my melds to SNRIs. The results were amazing. I knew this treatment had worked for me. I know there is a lot of controversy with ECT. I was discharged shortly afterwards.
When I came home I made contact with a clinical psychologist. I attended the psychologist for the next year every fortnight . We used CBT and Mindfulness as our main tools to aid me in my recovery.
Never give up hope. I never thought that I would ever feel the way that I am currently feeling.

Jump to this post

@jimhd Then there is that...Many things in life are like this. I am still in search of the glass half full. As far as ECT's...we are not all wired the same...pun intended. 🙂

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