1. < Depression & Anxiety

Long-term depression

Posted by seeker70 @seeker70, Oct 11, 2017

I have been depressed, when I think about it, since I was a kid (I"m a senior now!) I have been treated off and on with meds and minimal talk therapy, but nothing changes. In the past it has been underlying but as I grow older it is becoming more intense. People ask: 'why are you depressed? I never get depressed, just get a better attitude'. Or they don't hear my (probably passive-aggressive) cries for help. Or they say: 'what do you have to be depressed about?' Actually although I agree with these opinions to a certain extent, it does not address the problem that depression is not a 'why', not is it a 'choice'. It's almost like being gay, you just are. Maybe I should just accept it (guess that's what I have done for decades 🙂 But I don't want to. I want to feel better now. Earlier in my life I was able to enjoy things, although the depression would keep popping out. But now I seem to have trouble enjoying anything, including my own family, and it's harder and harder to 'push depression down' once it's popped. So I have longer periods of depression and sadness and sleeplessness and lonliness, an shorter periods of being able to enjoy my life. Or want something. Or look forward to anything. I will say too that I have as much to be happy about as I do to be unhappy - but as I said, it's not a 'why'. I'm looking for people to explore this idea, and to help each other begin to overcome. Or maybe it's just me and there's no one else who feels this way -- 😉 Thank you for reading all this.

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Parus | @parus | Feb 8, 2018

There are times when depression reigns. There are no solutions, there is no hope. When a therapist gives up it is serious. Discouraged, old and useless. Not even in self pity. Know there are no solutions. An abusive past that will not be gone from me. No one wants to hear the same thing all the time. There is no forward at this time. Anyone trying to please others-please stop doing so before there is no future.

REPLY
1 reply
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Feb 8, 2018

@jimhd

Yes, Jim, moving forward is the best choice. Feel the feelings, take time to be where you are with your feelings, and then keep moving forward.

Teresa

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Mentor
Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | Feb 8, 2018
In reply to @parus "Once I had no other choice other than to retire at the age of 53 my..." + (show)
@parus

Once I had no other choice other than to retire at the age of 53 my life has continually deteriorated. Even when I draw or paint to try and distract myself from the pain every time I move my body my neck sounds like popcorn popping and it shoots pain throughout my spine. A disability that cannot be fixed and realistically will become worse the older I grow. There are those that have told me how lucky I am to no longer go to work. I can sit watch TV, surf the net, and the religious ones telling me how I need to read the Bible and pray for others-oh yes, become a pray warrior and I will be of use to the Kingdom.
I do not mention depression nor the physical pain to others. I do not want another's pity or hear how I look healthy and why am I not working or volunteering.
What I hear is why can you not be useful. Saw the therapist yesterday and realized there is nothing she can do as I know my skills and what works for me. Distraction works the best. Helping another helps me until I find I am being used. I fade a way. My helping is enabling. As long as I will transport a neighbor whose car is in the shop he will not get it fixed. Amazing how quickly he had it back when I would no longer be his source of transportation.

Yes, I am depressed and know I am the only one who can do anything. Therapist and I agree that there is nothing she can do. Done and thankful she is well educated enough to know there is nothing more that can be done and I know this too.

There are times when there is nothing that can be done and the more I try the deeper in the vortex I am. I am not even looking forward to Spring. Doubtful I am alone in the black hole. I can be encouraging to another and also sincere when I am. Therapist and I also agreed that the last 2 appointments had been the same old same old. When a person is stuck they are stuck. Reality is not all fun and games, praying, etc. I am responsible for my thoughts and controlling thus and sure ain't no one else can change thus except me. "Them thar are the facts y'all". Would go for a soak in the tub, but would not be physically capable of getting back out and already stewing in my own filth enough.

Do I dare submit these words? I sure do not want to upset someone else. I at least can admit I am in the dark hole and venting can be cathartic. One more suck it up or this too shall pass...Fear not as I am truly passive and everyone is safe as I only have words. The tough old woman has succumbed to the fact things will not improve until I improve my attitude.

Thanks, I needed to air my frustration. Yes, I am far better off then many. Have I covered all of the bases?

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@parus

Trying to please others doesn't work.

I'm still learning how to move forward.

Any pointers would be welcome.

Jim

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kdo0827 | @kdo0827 | Feb 9, 2018

You are certainly not the only one. So many of us here feel exactly the same way. I admire you for reaching out and joining us. My oldest daughter started with depression & anxiety her senior year. We sent her to several psychiatrists but never helped. Finally we found out she was suffering from Bi-Polar disease. It took awhile to find the right medication for her but eventually we did. Years later my husband was also diagnosed. I'm like you not wanting to do anything and find it very hard to find joy. I tried Wellbutrin but couldn't take it. Just today I started Lexapro and Remeron. I'll let know if it helps. I want you to know we are all here for you. You're welcome to PM me as well.

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3 replies
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Feb 10, 2018
In reply to @parus "There are times when depression reigns. There are no solutions, there is no hope. When a..." + (show)
@parus

There are times when depression reigns. There are no solutions, there is no hope. When a therapist gives up it is serious. Discouraged, old and useless. Not even in self pity. Know there are no solutions. An abusive past that will not be gone from me. No one wants to hear the same thing all the time. There is no forward at this time. Anyone trying to please others-please stop doing so before there is no future.

Jump to this post

Yes, @parus, I agree. Pleasing others is a very thankless task, isn't it? You don't make yourself happy nor the other people that you are trying so hard to please. Nobody wins when it comes to people-pleasing!

Teresa

REPLY
sharlynn62 | @sharlynn62 | Feb 12, 2018
In reply to @charlie75 "Hi Sharlynn62, I've read the sharing between you and others in our group. I've been depressed..." + (show)
@charlie75

Hi Sharlynn62,
I've read the sharing between you and others in our group. I've been depressed for so many times that it became a comfortable space for me to occupy as I knew where I was and what was happening. I learned to feel the pain and continued to function after several years of suffering. I would put on my actors face and go out into the world and fool those around me although I was crying inside. My Father would tell me that I was my worse enemy. I was so sick that I didn't understand. Of all the lessons that I've learned is that once I accept my illness, I have been able to work on the illness by people who are willing to help me recover. These people are professionals and others who share the same sicknesses and hope is instilled. I've learned that acceptance and hope are two verbs that require action on my part. Action helps with optimism and optimism brings me out of my depression. I have no idea what your mental diagnosis is and the medications you take. Hopefully, your Doctor can help you with this portion of treatment. The best to you.
charlie75

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I want to add to what Theresa said about CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). I've read the research that has shown that this seems to be the therapeutic technique/program that has the best results for those with depression. I have had varying levels of severity of depression (major episodes to dysthymia) since I was a teenager and have been in therapy for many, many, years. I have found that CBT works well mostly for persons with single episode depression and those who do not have complicated psychological histories. For me, it is too simple and doesn't address the underlying issues that "feed" my depression. There are two other programs that can be used in therapy and independently that I just wanted to mention. One is Schema therapy, which was developed based on CBT, but takes it a step further. They say that this is effective with people who have accompanying personality disorders. I don't have a "full-blown" personality disorder (I haven't been diagnosed with one), but I do have longstanding psychological issues stemming from childhood and early adulthood experience, which this therapy addresses.

The other program is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It is used for a variety of problems, including something else I deal with, chronic pain. The focus is on acknowledging one's struggles/problems, etc., learning ways to accept that they are part of your life, then moving on with learning ways to adapt, cope, etc. There is a lot of literature and many publications about this technique.

For those people who do not receive what they need to get well from CBT, I would suggest looking into the "programs" or therapeutic techniques I mentioned above.

All the best to you on your recovery journey!
Sharon

REPLY
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Feb 12, 2018
In reply to @charlie75 "Hi Sharlynn62, I've read the sharing between you and others in our group. I've been depressed..." + (show)
@charlie75

Hi Sharlynn62,
I've read the sharing between you and others in our group. I've been depressed for so many times that it became a comfortable space for me to occupy as I knew where I was and what was happening. I learned to feel the pain and continued to function after several years of suffering. I would put on my actors face and go out into the world and fool those around me although I was crying inside. My Father would tell me that I was my worse enemy. I was so sick that I didn't understand. Of all the lessons that I've learned is that once I accept my illness, I have been able to work on the illness by people who are willing to help me recover. These people are professionals and others who share the same sicknesses and hope is instilled. I've learned that acceptance and hope are two verbs that require action on my part. Action helps with optimism and optimism brings me out of my depression. I have no idea what your mental diagnosis is and the medications you take. Hopefully, your Doctor can help you with this portion of treatment. The best to you.
charlie75

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@sharlynn62 Hello Sharon,

Thanks for adding some new ideas beyond CBT. I am interested in finding out more about Acceptance and Commitement Therapy.

Can you share with us about your experience with ACT?

Teresa

REPLY
Gary, Alumni Mentor | @gman007 | Feb 12, 2018
In reply to @charlie75 "Hi Sharlynn62, I've read the sharing between you and others in our group. I've been depressed..." + (show)
@charlie75

Hi Sharlynn62,
I've read the sharing between you and others in our group. I've been depressed for so many times that it became a comfortable space for me to occupy as I knew where I was and what was happening. I learned to feel the pain and continued to function after several years of suffering. I would put on my actors face and go out into the world and fool those around me although I was crying inside. My Father would tell me that I was my worse enemy. I was so sick that I didn't understand. Of all the lessons that I've learned is that once I accept my illness, I have been able to work on the illness by people who are willing to help me recover. These people are professionals and others who share the same sicknesses and hope is instilled. I've learned that acceptance and hope are two verbs that require action on my part. Action helps with optimism and optimism brings me out of my depression. I have no idea what your mental diagnosis is and the medications you take. Hopefully, your Doctor can help you with this portion of treatment. The best to you.
charlie75

Jump to this post

The commitment and acceptance therapy sounds very much like the Mindfulness training nook I have been working through. Meditation to calm, center, and ground yourself. The point is then to accept what is real, don't let yourself imagine things being any different, especially worse, than reality. It is helping me with my anxiety and a bit with depression.

REPLY
Parus | @parus | Feb 12, 2018
In reply to @charlie75 "Hi Sharlynn62, I've read the sharing between you and others in our group. I've been depressed..." + (show)
@charlie75

Hi Sharlynn62,
I've read the sharing between you and others in our group. I've been depressed for so many times that it became a comfortable space for me to occupy as I knew where I was and what was happening. I learned to feel the pain and continued to function after several years of suffering. I would put on my actors face and go out into the world and fool those around me although I was crying inside. My Father would tell me that I was my worse enemy. I was so sick that I didn't understand. Of all the lessons that I've learned is that once I accept my illness, I have been able to work on the illness by people who are willing to help me recover. These people are professionals and others who share the same sicknesses and hope is instilled. I've learned that acceptance and hope are two verbs that require action on my part. Action helps with optimism and optimism brings me out of my depression. I have no idea what your mental diagnosis is and the medications you take. Hopefully, your Doctor can help you with this portion of treatment. The best to you.
charlie75

Jump to this post

@sharlynn62 Chronic depression coupled with chronic pain is a challenge. There are no answers for either.

REPLY
Parus | @parus | Feb 12, 2018
In reply to @charlie75 "Hi Sharlynn62, I've read the sharing between you and others in our group. I've been depressed..." + (show)
@charlie75

Hi Sharlynn62,
I've read the sharing between you and others in our group. I've been depressed for so many times that it became a comfortable space for me to occupy as I knew where I was and what was happening. I learned to feel the pain and continued to function after several years of suffering. I would put on my actors face and go out into the world and fool those around me although I was crying inside. My Father would tell me that I was my worse enemy. I was so sick that I didn't understand. Of all the lessons that I've learned is that once I accept my illness, I have been able to work on the illness by people who are willing to help me recover. These people are professionals and others who share the same sicknesses and hope is instilled. I've learned that acceptance and hope are two verbs that require action on my part. Action helps with optimism and optimism brings me out of my depression. I have no idea what your mental diagnosis is and the medications you take. Hopefully, your Doctor can help you with this portion of treatment. The best to you.
charlie75

Jump to this post

@gman007 I cannot do meditation as it throws me into PTSD. Would that I could.

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