Depression and grief

@halenbon81 As I got older, now 71, had what I explain as a Pandora’s box of traumatic events from childhood came flooding into my thoughts. Couldn’t understand as to why now! The timing is such that I couldn’t process with certain people because they’re not present mentally or physically, so what now! If you can write or draw do so in order to get it out. Then try to get a therapist to talk it out either individually or in a group setting. Hope this is helpful.

Thank very much for the message Iam sorry it's taking me so long this is hard I appreciate everything you said and you're honesty I'm sorry so sorry for your cancer. It is very hard right now for me I'm trying really hard everything my therapist and my psychiatrist have told me to do and I'm trying to hold on not getting discouraged I do have my church and they've been great but I just feel like I'm just such a burden to everyone I mean I'm tired of me I can imagine other people are but I'm hanging on

@yesibeleive I'm sorry it's taking me so long to get back to you yes I do have family and friends and my church try really hard to do what my doctors tell me to do but I get so discouraged sometimes I feel like others are tired of me because I'm tired of me I can imagine but I'm hanging in there and I so appreciate your words and and you're 110% right everything you said thank you

@lisalucier I'm sorry it's taking so long to message back I appreciate your message and it's very comforting there's been so much trauma in my life by hearing things and seeing things that a child should not I started drinking at 10:00 when I could get it to just numb it out and I think that's where my grief comes in is because I'm not feeling any better I feel like things will never get better but I still go to my doctors and I still try and I just hope that something will click. Thank you

Are you still drinking? I am asking because the medications and EMDR might not be as beneficial. Alcohol is a depressant and I also started at age 12. I am now 56 and I quit almost 9 years ago. I still have some depression but I joined AA when I quit. The support is great and people understand. Trauma therapy is also helpful. I have been in therapy for 6 years now and I am learning so much about myself. I agree with @malebreastcancer47 in that staying present is so helpful. I have no idea what the future holds and the past is gone. That doesn't mean that working on emotions that are still there from the past is not helpful, however I try and remind myself that an asteroid could plunge into the earth tonight and destroy everything. I know that sounds extreme, but it reminds me that all I have is this moment. Hang in there!!!

@mbixler I've been on dozens of different meds dealing with my depression and not anything stands out. I connect well with all my doctors and my counselor I really feel at peace with them. Day of work very hard feel like a burden to them and that they are tired of trying to fix me. I feel the same way with my friends and church friends. I am still holding out hope I can find some peace before the year is out . I live in a state that doesn't have a good record of mental health care even though I really trust my doctors. I appreciate your conversation and prayers thank you

@diverdown1 I stopped drinking for 3 years longest I've ever been but now Iam drinking again. For me AA doesn't work for me and I don't go.. I went through a lot of trauma as a child and had to be a parent when I was 10 years old to my sister which was 3 . I've had many years of hurt and trauma from my parents and in which they are doing well now but they never have sit down with me to say we are sorry what we put you through. So everyday it's like Iam living it all over again because it was never addressed. My dad said not long ago that Iam to sensitive. Thank God for my counselor and my church because with out them I wouldn't be hereThank you for talking to me I really appreciate it

@marjou thank you for your words yes it helps just to know Iam not alone. I feel like something is broken with me. I do have a great therapist with out them I wouldn't be here. I am trying to stay afloat still . Thank you so much for talking to me

I found out this week, my diabetes type 2 is in danger zone. Though I have been on mounjaro, and wasn’t wearing a glucose monitor, my A1C skyrocketed. I cried after my appointment driving home, thinking what I had done wrong and now needed to fight even harder.
The last time I cried so much was when I learned I had breast cancer. At the time, I didn’t know who to ask for help or share. I felt the same way this week, even though I have a tribe. I wanted to disappear, withdraw to figure it out on my own, however knew if I did similar to cancer, I could fail and shut down completely all treatment, cancer and diabetes.

I reached out to 3 trusty friends, and asked permission to disappear. The response was a pleasant surprise. One person called and cried with me, to calm me down. Another friend texted and shared with her husband, who texts me daily asking how I am doing, plans for weekend. Third friend saw my texts, shared with his wife, who said the most amazing thing. She said if I become worse, she would quit her job, come stay with me, with her husband to care for me.

What we all have in common is cancer, some lost a loved one to cancer, some still have cancer and some are recovering. I now feel a LOT less alone and don’t feel bad anymore sharing. I shared with my tribe at work, where some offered to accompany for appointments vs solo, which is what I did for cancer. Other than surgery, I went to all appointments alone. Not a smart idea.

@halenbon81 I was taught as an Indian man, never to share health or mental disability. At 51, I am finally feeling comfortable sharing and asking for help. For the first time, taking a leap of faith in not choosing to disappear when life happens.