Is anyone wore and tired of?

Sounds quite frustrating. It's good to let it out here. Your feelings are valid.

What helped me was learning about the disease more which enabled me to understand better. I could reframe what was going on. BUT, just because I know she can't help it, doesn't mean it's not hard. I still have feelings.

I'm so sorry that you're being treated like a thief. Hopefully just expressing this is helpful. Maybe you can embrace this thiefdom momentarily and take yourself on a millionaire's vacation.

lost55, it doesn't help to know that this accusation of theft is a recognized stage of mid to late Alzheimer's unrelated to your 55 good years. You can't even forgive him because he isn't guilty.
We give up expectation. And it is incomprehensibly hard.
Bless your struggle.

'

The expectation you describe is just to survive and find a place where you can move anger and frustration aside and introduce forgiveness, acceptance, and this thing called adapt to your caregiver situation. I certainly need to practice what I preach every morning as this week has been stressful for me. You are right, it's not easy, it's challenging every day. The endless same questions, the brief spats over what he doggedly believes, all the technology issues he has or creates, which I find puts me in a tailspin on more overload. Yesterday, the computer. Now the TV from buttons he pushes, and who knows how to get it back in order. However, I'm not dealing with someone accusing me every minute of misplacing his things. The above post, "bless your struggle" is comforting this morning, as we all struggle, and need a blessing each and every day. Not caring anymore could be an emotional reaction, to the this up and down mental and physical roller coaster. I'm sorry that you are feeling that way. Find ways if you can to put his things in on one box, one drawer, one place, so he knows where his things are. I found with my husband when we started having the "same" designated place every night for his key, phone, book bag, etc., he stopped losing things. This doesn't take away all the other caregiving pressures, but it sure has helped me every day.
Best, Karla

I can understand those feelings perfectly well. And it is okay for you to feel that way. But I think it is useful to understand that the person you are so pissed off at is not the person you married. That person no longer exists, other than the outer body. But regardless of who inhabits that body, it's okay to be pissed off because this is hard. You're not going to get any compliments or appreciation from this person. You're not a bad person.

Hello, no I am not being accused of stealing my husband's items. I just wanted to write a supportive reply because I blow my stack frequently (even though I know the calming strategies, they don't always kick in when things are heated).
My husband puts things in various places where he thinks they belong, so we share that in common. I am always looking for where he puts things. I guess this is a game: find the misplaced items and maybe it's helping my brain as I search and think where would he have put that?
Big hugs and hope you find an enjoyable activity for you, today. 🤗

Thanks everyone for your support. Just to clarify my spouse is my wife, so far I’ve maintained my awareness.
It appears that sometime after 1am this morning she came out of her room took a kitchen chair and I assume, wedged it under the door handle.?? She woke me up just before and said I didn’t set out her nightly meds. When I told her she had already taken them, that is when the thunderstorm in her head once again caused fury and she stormed off, I assume to get the chair. I expect today to be a real chiller, depending on how much she remembers from last night.
Trouble is we have no relatives anywhere close to us, not even friends. Her sisters and brothers are still alive, we are all in our mid to late 70s but her family just has never communicated with each other. Unlike my sisters with whom I am close although they live 10 hours away. My wife grew up on a dairy farm and her parents were both born on farms. Back then around the depression era her parents both grew up in a rural isolated existence. So for 55 years we have made no close friends as my wife has never been inclined to form friendships. I’m the opposite but have accepted her introverted mindset.
So with virtually no support I am thankful to all of you for your kind thoughts.
B

@judimahoney
Thanks
In the beginning I also was amused and treated the search as a treasure hunt. But, anymore when I search through all the drawers, etc she just thinks I’m trying to see where she has hidden her stuff.
Last night it started with a hair brush she just knew she had left on the dresser top and it had disappeared and for sure I had taken it. (I don’t have enough hair left to even worry about) Well the more I searched through the same old dresser draws, closet, vanity etc the more I realized the purloined brush never existed. Fact is she has a bunch of brushes which she scatters in all sorts of “secret” places.
I’m at the point where I probably will stop trying to help her by going through her stuff to find the missing items, like face cream, and let her deal with it.
B

I have experienced most all of your frustrations. My husband doesn’t really accuse me of being a thief or of stealing because he can’t remember what it is he is looking for. He just knows it’s something. So, he keeps looking until he comes across something else that gets his attention. Just try to step away for a deep breath or two and then try to redirect. That usually helps. Your husband is not the same man you knew…you can’t be offended…just go with it.

When the spouse of a friend started telling their children that she was stealing from him, the son initially believed it was true. That added a very sad layer of stress and anxiety.

My spouse hasn't accused me to taking or hiding things, but does insist that something that is missing is two or three states away. He calls or wants me to call to have them mail the missing item to us. I keep reminding myself that the behavior is part of his brain not working.

I'm sorry you are in the midst of this. Sending a virtual hug.

@wtr2026
Thank you
Tonight I am avoiding the grousing and vitriol I am hearing emanate from the bathroom as I type.
“ This is missing, I hid that on her, I can never find anything because…”
If I let myself try and help it will just exacerbate the situation. Maybe after her shower she will calm down. I just cant interject myself into her fantasies without getting mentally beat up.
B