To move near family or stay put

I’m 75, in good health (for now…) and live alone in Oregon, in the community I’ve been in for the last 50 years. I have good friends, but I see them having health challenges and some have moved to be closer with their families. I have 2 daughters—one lives in Amsterdam, and the other in Alaska. It takes about the same time to get to Amsterdam from Oregon as it does to the tiny town in Alaska to see my youngest daughter. Both daughters have asked me to come live with them and their families. The medical services in the town in Alaska are very scant—only Outpatient services Mon-Fri from 8-5 pm, and then a sea plane to Juneau if hospital is needed—as decided by an EMT after hours. Then Amsterdam—a beautiful European city, which I have travelled to many times, does not seem prudent for an aging elder to expect comfortable waning years. And so—my dilemma may just be to stay put, although it feels pretty sad to be bereft of my family. My community is small-ish—about 100,00. I have 3 sisters in Portland, each with busy lives — and to figure out where to land there makes me dizzy. I can’t figure this out—maybe I need to hire a Geriatric Care Manager. It helps somehow to have written this all down though.

I’m 75, in good health (for now…) and live alone in Oregon, in the community I’ve been in for the last 50 years. I have good friends, but I see them having health challenges and some have moved to be closer with their families. I have 2 daughters—one lives in Amsterdam, and the other in Alaska. It takes about the same time to get to Amsterdam from Oregon as it does to the tiny town in Alaska to see my youngest daughter. Both daughters have asked me to come live with them and their families. The medical services in the town in Alaska are very scant—only Outpatient services Mon-Fri from 8-5 pm, and then a sea plane to Juneau if hospital is needed—as decided by an EMT after hours. Then Amsterdam—a beautiful European city, which I have travelled to many times, does not seem prudent for an aging elder to expect comfortable waning years. And so—my dilemma may just be to stay put, although it feels pretty sad to be bereft of my family. My community is small-ish—about 100,00. I have 3 sisters in Portland, each with busy lives — and to figure out where to land there makes me dizzy. I can’t figure this out—maybe I need to hire a Geriatric Care Manager. It helps somehow to have written this all down though.

@merwin
Happy you found a willing ear here! It sounds like you have an internal debate with no real answer. Alaska doesn't seem like a good choice, given the lack of medical facilities. Amsterdam doesn't seem to be high on your list either. Is splitting your time among the options something you would choose to do? Have you spent any extended time in either location? Maybe it would help to spend a month in Amsterdam next spring and a month in Alaska next summer. You may decide not to make a permanent move right away, but decide to rotate locations with the seasons for now if you can swing it financially. You sound happy where you are, but being in the other locations for an extended period of time may help you decide.

@merwin Aging in place with friends can be a choice. Your church, your neighbors, and your house. Maybe your daughters should come live with you. We have daughters that live within a few hours drive but that is far enough that we don't just 'drop by'. We have good medical care and close friends that can be considered family. Our choice is to age in place in the home we have lived in for over 30 years.

I’m 75, in good health (for now…) and live alone in Oregon, in the community I’ve been in for the last 50 years. I have good friends, but I see them having health challenges and some have moved to be closer with their families. I have 2 daughters—one lives in Amsterdam, and the other in Alaska. It takes about the same time to get to Amsterdam from Oregon as it does to the tiny town in Alaska to see my youngest daughter. Both daughters have asked me to come live with them and their families. The medical services in the town in Alaska are very scant—only Outpatient services Mon-Fri from 8-5 pm, and then a sea plane to Juneau if hospital is needed—as decided by an EMT after hours. Then Amsterdam—a beautiful European city, which I have travelled to many times, does not seem prudent for an aging elder to expect comfortable waning years. And so—my dilemma may just be to stay put, although it feels pretty sad to be bereft of my family. My community is small-ish—about 100,00. I have 3 sisters in Portland, each with busy lives — and to figure out where to land there makes me dizzy. I can’t figure this out—maybe I need to hire a Geriatric Care Manager. It helps somehow to have written this all down though.

@merwin You didn't mention whether you were fluent in Dutch. Also, could you confirm that you are being invited to live in their homes, not just near them? (My inclination is to stay where you are, but then, I'm horrified at the idea of trying to set up a new life anywhere else.)

@kjoed53
thank you for your willing ear (or eyes 😉)—for the last 5 years I’ve visited both places for 2 weeks each year. Alaska in the winter is a bear, with huge snowfall and ice for many months, as might be expected. Amsterdam visits involve my daughter taking off from work, and usually that works, but it becomes more of a tourist type of visit than finding community there. I think I’m dealing with the need to find my “next” place, since my family home is too much house and yard for one person. A ‘first world problem’ to be sure—but really appreciate your response.

@merwin You didn't mention whether you were fluent in Dutch. Also, could you confirm that you are being invited to live in their homes, not just near them? (My inclination is to stay where you are, but then, I'm horrified at the idea of trying to set up a new life anywhere else.)