To move near family or stay put

@barbaradh
I planned, found and built a little home in a sleepy little town on the coast in North Carolina many years before retirement, and the thought of leaving that place never entered my mind. The children pushed, it was conveinent for them,and looking back, I was seduced by the idea that they loved and cared enough for me to wanted me near them to take care of me sounded appealing. I caved. That was the mother in me. But just as I was entering another stage of my life, winding down, they were entering the stage of greater possibilities and they moved on, I aged, became fearful of another major change and settled in trying to make the best of everything. Life is nothing but lessons and too short to be unhappy. I miss the intangibles: proximity to water, comfort of a small town, deeply surrounded by nature, large community of FREE senior activities and seniors thriving on their own and supporting each other, a great doctor and peace of mind. Peace of mind is priceless! So, yes. This old country girl is getting her own back and God willing......packing up my plants, crafts, bed and medical alert, I will soon find a and relocate to my happy place.

@jojopuli1 This is a useful reply, and thanks for posting it. This sober reality has been expressed by me much earlier in this thread and by others, and you've just reminded us all that we may invite for ourselves a lot of bother only to have it all negated because of life's realities for the other people meant to be included in our calculus.

Perhaps one remedy, and it's one that will take very honest discussion and reasoning, is to actually move in with one of your kids or 'best friends' with the understanding that you would continue to be a member of their household when things shift...if they ever do. At least this would ensure that you're not left waving from your new doorstep as the people you moved to be nearer to say their goodbyes.

@gloaming I have a right leg neuropathy, which impacts my balance. I live in a northern state that gets a lot of snow. My son and his family live in Florida. They very kindly invite me to come for Jan, Feb, and mid-March so I’m not a “prisoner” in my home with the snow, ice , and slush. But, by March I’m more than ready to come home.
If you don’t HAVE to move in with an adult child, I don’t recommend it, unless there is a separate in-law apartment. You very quickly “lose” yourself and your preferences in the reality of being a guest in their home and the necessity therefore of fitting into their way of doing things.
From little things like their preference for the way to load the dishwasher to big things like I don’t like to sit on the sofas or easy chairs due to dog and cat hair, but I don’t want to vacuum them as that would be an insult to the level of cleaning my DIL prefers. I do quietly scrub the bathroom I share.
The two younger ones are still excited to interact with grandma, but the two olders are busy with friends and screens. I am grateful to enjoy the Florida sunshine, especially when my brother sends photos of big snow drifts.

I believed my adult son and his wife when they encouraged me to move near them, but when I got there, their tune changed. When I was told, the second time, that if I needed to go to the hospital they would take me, but they wouldn't come in with me, they would just let me out to go in by myself, that I realized it wasn't a good place for me to be. There were other suttle signals, my son promising to do some work on my house and then having him call me to tell me that he wouldn't be able to do it - until he had finished every task on the own home first. It was a very uncomfortable time, but I decided to move back to where I had started from. My friends welcomed me back with open arms, but my son and his wife no longer talk to me.

@joanland They are to blame. No guilt, for yourself, please !

We now live in a nice large community near beaches in Delaware and our adult children & grandchildren live 10 to 12 hours away. We are 70 & 74. We like it here & have a few friends here but not very close. We miss our kids & grandkids very much. Our kids visit 1 x year for the beach. We have 3 daughters in their 30’s & 40’s & one is an RN BSN. We always travel to them in Asheville & Nashville for holidays since it hard for them to travel long distance, otherwise we’d be alone. Our kids want us to live closer as we age either in Asheville or Nashville. We both had some medical stuff the past 2 years & are ok now. Since we are pretty healthy & independent now @ 70 & 74 we are discussing whether it makes sense to start looking into moving closer to our children whether it’s Asheville or Nashville area in a 55 plus community.