Feeling bad for taking a break

I'm not in your situation, but I look at things this way:

If you were reading a similar post written by someone else, would you blame them or expect them to feel bad for needing a break?

Probably not, I bet.

If you can readily forgive someone else, why not yourself?

I have a YouTube episode about self-forgiveness, something I struggle with a lot:

@gratia Taking a break I think makes us even better caregivers. Your mom will be there when you get home for you to shower your deep love and affection. Just go enjoy those beautiful bouts you have in nature, and don't feel guilty over the roller coaster of emotions we often feel - love, exhaustion, frustration, and that dreaded guilt. Taking care of you - in your own selfcare......I say move guilt aside and YES to that much-needed break! Best, Karla

Gratia , Don't feel guilty at all - a little R&R now and then is not only earned, it is absolutely necessary. If you intend to continue caring for your mother, you need to take care of yourself. Plus, when you return, your mother will probably be so happy to see you back, that it will give her a bit of pleasure to see you again. Whenever you are able to get competent support, please take advantage of it, you will be much better able to continue supporting Mom as you have so far. Best to you and your mother, enjoy a short break from what I know is not an easy task - but you will always be grateful that you were able to do it.

You sweet soul! Give yourself a hug from me. Think of all the things that make you feel special, scents you like, tastes you love, and give yourself these things. Unplug for as long as possible. Your poor nervous system needs some TLC. The thoughts that contradict this fact, that is just your brain replaying a false narrative. Rest. If it makes your life easier, invest in that! If something enhances your wellness-do it! Your life is happening AS your mom is losing her ability to connect with you. My own mom with dementia is forgetting all the sacrifices and responsibilities that I have. You have to care for you. Start with one thing today. Keep reaching out.

@kjc48 Thank you Karla! 🤗❤️

@fred1 Thank you very much, Fred. I just needed to hear the confirmation that it’s ok. Logically I know that this is needed, and I should enjoy myself and take the break, but emotionally I’m just so exhausted that I feel lost, if that makes sense.
Thank you again! I appreciate the support 🤗❤️

Hi Gratia!

Thank you for posting this, as I am trying to take a break from my mom too, and am trying desperately to not feel bad about it 😬
I wish you the peace and relaxation you so much deserve in your absolutely justified and important respite from the challenging caregiver role 💜

~Dee

Since my impaired hubby can't drive, I feel guilty all the time about getting him out somewhere even though I want to stay home. I am perfectly fine with not going out everyday and I love my alone time to get organized or just research or read but he is total opposite and when he did drive, he was in and out all the time which caused me even more stress because I was worried about him hitting something...again! So now at least I know where he's at and feel less stressed about him driving but the catch is that now I feel obligated to keep him busy...aaaargh!! I'm between a rock and a hard place most days. He is and always has been a needy guy and it's like a bottomless pit b/c I can do something very nice but when that's over, he's on to the next need as if I hadn't done anything. I'm hoping our daughter comes through with her offer to have him stay with her for a short time...that would be a win win for everyone. I need prayer to stay positive and flexible daily. Thank you's

When I was caring for my Mom, I felt guilty not being there, worrying about "what if .." and because I knew everything about her, the person caring for her wouldn't be able to give her the same level of care. A very spiritual person pointed out we can't control everything, to accept your time and opportunity to experience some freedom and allow my Mom and her caregiver their opportunity to experience their time together. It helped me let go a little.

@gratia I’m sorry that you feel guilty about taking a break. Your stamina will quickly wear out if you don’t take breaks. They are very important! One thing, when I was a nurse in the hospital in the oncology unit, I and the other nurses noticed an important phenomena. For patients near death, they would choose a time to die when family members were NOT in the room. Family members would return only to be told what had happened in their absence. Healthcare professionals are very much in disagreement about this phenomena, even though others experience it. What is important for you to remember is that the weeks and months of loving care are more important to your mother than being there at the last moments.