No motivation — feel like I'm going down a black hole

Posted by twobluelady @twobluelady, Aug 23, 2017

Currently not on any medication though I have been in the past on Celexa. Thought most of my problem was a painful divorce and went off medication. Since then I have lost my job, living with family, gained almost 100 pounds. I just can't seem to find the motivation to change anything and feeling helpless. I know I need to find a doctor and get back on medication, but what can I do in the meantime? I feel I'm going down a black hole.

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Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | Sep 8, 2017

In reply to @hopeful33250 "@twobluelady Welcome to Mayo Connect, I'm so glad that you posted about your lack of motivation..." + (show)

Hi, @ricktrout . I have treatment resistant major depression, as well, and it's a rough go, for sure. I'm 67, and had to retire 12 years ago because of, as the psychiatrist diagnosed, major depression, PTSD, anxiety disorder, OCD, depressive bipolar disorder and suicidal ideation. I was approved for ECT, but planning the logistics became too overwhelming. Being abandoned by my wife would be devastating. I wouldn't actually blame her, having put up with my mental health issues all these years. I know it's been hard on her. I'm sorry you're having to go through that. I hope you can take care of yourself during this time, and not get deeper into depression.

Remember self care.

Jim

Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Sep 8, 2017

Hello Abby, @amberpep

I like what you said, "but inside it’s a push." For any of us who are recovering from depression that "inside push" is what we need to remember. It represents self-care and we need that so much.

Teresa

Barb | @amberpep | Sep 9, 2017

In reply to @hopeful33250 "Hello Abby, @amberpep I like what you said, "but inside it’s a push." For any of..." + (show)

Well, I think what I need today is a kick in the pants! (sorry) Most of you probably know about 2-1/2 years I moved from Frederick, MD. to western VA to be closer to my kids. The duplex I got was still about 45 min. away from my girls and too expensive for me. So, about 4 weeks ago I moved into a limited-income apartment complex, which is closer to my girls and their families. My son lives outside D.C. I loved my condo, which is what I bought after a divorce from a 40 year marriage .... I felt free, knew the town like the back of my hand, had good friends and a great church. I'd lived in that county for 30 years. I was very content and cozy. Well, I've come to the conclusion that this is where I will live out the rest of my days. My girls are being very sweet, but I'm just not happy. I miss everything about Frederick - my condo, my friends, my church, and just knowing Frederick like the back of my hand. I've resigned myself that "this is it." Everything is so foreign feeling, I have a terrible time getting anywhere. I've had digestive issues ever since I was getting ready to leave MD, and that continues still. I know that's anxiety. My condo was sold, so I can't go back to "my place" any longer. I feel extremely alone, lonesome, and depressed. I have not unpacked one thing except for what my girls did for me. I just don't care.
abby

Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Sep 9, 2017

In reply to @hopeful33250 "Hello Abby, @amberpep I like what you said, "but inside it’s a push." For any of..." + (show)

Hello Abby, @amberpep

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling out of sorts right now. You have just come back from being out of town for your appointments and you have come back to your new place - I can understand how you must feel a little estranged from your prior home(s) and connections. Take a break and give yourself some time to adjust.
Do something nice for yourself! You have shared some very helpful posts with our Members over the past couple of days and I've appreciated having you back with us!

Teresa

Barb | @amberpep | Sep 9, 2017

In reply to @hopeful33250 "Hello Abby, @amberpep I like what you said, "but inside it’s a push." For any of..." + (show)

Thank you Teresa ...
abby

Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Sep 9, 2017

Abby,

My pleasure!

Teresa

Lisa Lucier, Moderator | @lisalucier | Sep 9, 2017

In reply to @hopeful33250 "Hello Abby, @amberpep I like what you said, "but inside it’s a push." For any of..." + (show)

Hi, Abby @amberpep -- so sorry you are feeling depressed and alone. You mentioned you've come to the conclusion that this is where you will live out the rest of your days. Just clarifying whether you meant in your new city in VA or in Frederick?

Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | Sep 10, 2017

In reply to @hopeful33250 "Hello Abby, @amberpep I like what you said, "but inside it’s a push." For any of..." + (show)

Hi, Abby @amberpep Do you drive your own car? I know that you're living in the middle of some of the most beautiful areas of the US. Have you poked around the back roads yet? Maybe you'll find a pretty spot to sit and meditate.

Jim

Lisa Lucier, Moderator | @lisalucier | Mar 21, 2018

@twobluelady, @magspierce and @amberpep -- you all had talked before about isolating yourselves sometimes and not going out. I'm wondering if now that it's turned to spring and the days are getting nicer, if you've been getting out a bit?

nolongerstressedmesseddepressed | @stressedmesseddepressed | Mar 21, 2018

In reply to @lisalucier "@twobluelady, @magspierce and @amberpep -- you all had talked before about isolating yourselves sometimes and not..." + (show)

Same problem for me, with MDD depression, isolating is about the worst thing I can do for my mood! Awful. I have - some days - to force myself to get outside and walk and go places. Then, I feel better. While we're having a snow storm today, Spring is here and, yes, that makes it, for me, a lot easier to go outside for a long walk and plan to join Planet Fitness. Def lifts my, not hibernating. Thanks.