No motivation — feel like I'm going down a black hole

I've come to realize a big part of my problem is staying home and not going out. When I do get out, run errands, etc, I feel better. However, hard to go out when you have to watch your money and self-esteem issues so bad. Feel like everyone is looking at the "fat" lady. In my group of friends, I am by far the biggest. In reality i know everyone is not looking at me, but emotionally it's hard. Plus there ARE some people who definitely discriminate against you. It has happened to me before. Even in my looking for work, I'm paranoid about it.

You will get better, with the right competent doctors. I'll tell you a funny story in response to "something as simple as calling for an appointment can be so hard to do?" When my Psychologist, who I had been with only about a month, said that he felt I needed some medication to help me out of that dark hole. YE GADS! That means a Psychiatrist! I didn't want to do that ...... why? Because I "knew" they were all whackos! Boy, I was a scared kid (at 60 then) when I walked into his office ..... and he was not a whacko at all. It's funny the things we think sometimes that hold up our healing.
Take care ..... keep writing ... we're all here for you, and believe me, many, many, of us totally understand.
abby

Hi there friend .... I know exactly what you're talking about because I've been there. Within the passed 12 years I left my husband, got a divorce 3 years later, bought my own condo (FREEDOM), moved to another state closer to my girls (that was hard because I'm not young - 72), had to have all my teeth surgically removed because all the roots had demineralized and am now set to get false teeth, 3 years before I moved down here I had a right knee replacement - something didn't "take" and my doctor had to go in and do what they call a "revision." Within 1 month after that, my kids were moving me down here to VA. Now I am living in a low-income apartment, after living in a duplex (where no one spoke to anyone else), and I'm finding these folks to be really down to earth, friendly people. I've only been here 3 weeks and already 2 little black girls have sort of attached themselves to me, and I think it's ONLY because their Mom works all the time to care for the family and they get little attention. I love kids, and used to be Asst. Pastor in a Children's Ministry at a large Evangelical Church in MD, so I really enjoy talking to them. We sit on the curb and just chat ....
Re. motivation (I'm sorry I got off track there) when we go through a series of heavy duty situations in our lives ..... like a divorce which is MAJOR TRAUMA, even when we knew we had to get out, it is bound to deplete us of everything .... energy, motivation, even getting out of bed some days. You might want to think about getting some therapy from a solid Psychologist, and also being prescribed a medication that will help you during this time. You are not in a fun place, my friend ... I've been there and painful doesn't even cover it. I felt totally thrown away. Be kind to yourself, if you don't feel like doing something - don't, order a pizza one night for dinner (delivery) - just treat yourself as you would someone else. And do consider a Psychologist for some therapy and a Psychiatrist for medication. It was a long haul for me, but I made it ..... I'm here, I'm happy in my little apartment with my nice, real folks neighbors, and once again I like who I am, not who my X said I was.
Take care,
abby

@twobluelady Welcome to Mayo Connect,

I'm so glad that you posted about your lack of motivation and your need to make some changes. You know, admitting you have a problem is the first step in getting better. Divorce is a difficult thing to recover from. Many of us have walked that road and understand how it feels.

Several months ago, we had a discussion called "Happiness: A One Week Journey," here is the link to that discussion, https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/happiness-a-one-week-journey/

Perhaps you will find some encouragement by looking at Dr. Amit Sood's program. In the meantime, stay connected with us. Find things to do that you enjoy, like walking, talking, listening to music, etc.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Teresa

Hi there friend .... I know exactly what you're talking about because I've been there. Within the passed 12 years I left my husband, got a divorce 3 years later, bought my own condo (FREEDOM), moved to another state closer to my girls (that was hard because I'm not young - 72), had to have all my teeth surgically removed because all the roots had demineralized and am now set to get false teeth, 3 years before I moved down here I had a right knee replacement - something didn't "take" and my doctor had to go in and do what they call a "revision." Within 1 month after that, my kids were moving me down here to VA. Now I am living in a low-income apartment, after living in a duplex (where no one spoke to anyone else), and I'm finding these folks to be really down to earth, friendly people. I've only been here 3 weeks and already 2 little black girls have sort of attached themselves to me, and I think it's ONLY because their Mom works all the time to care for the family and they get little attention. I love kids, and used to be Asst. Pastor in a Children's Ministry at a large Evangelical Church in MD, so I really enjoy talking to them. We sit on the curb and just chat ....
Re. motivation (I'm sorry I got off track there) when we go through a series of heavy duty situations in our lives ..... like a divorce which is MAJOR TRAUMA, even when we knew we had to get out, it is bound to deplete us of everything .... energy, motivation, even getting out of bed some days. You might want to think about getting some therapy from a solid Psychologist, and also being prescribed a medication that will help you during this time. You are not in a fun place, my friend ... I've been there and painful doesn't even cover it. I felt totally thrown away. Be kind to yourself, if you don't feel like doing something - don't, order a pizza one night for dinner (delivery) - just treat yourself as you would someone else. And do consider a Psychologist for some therapy and a Psychiatrist for medication. It was a long haul for me, but I made it ..... I'm here, I'm happy in my little apartment with my nice, real folks neighbors, and once again I like who I am, not who my X said I was.
Take care,
abby

I've come to realize a big part of my problem is staying home and not going out. When I do get out, run errands, etc, I feel better. However, hard to go out when you have to watch your money and self-esteem issues so bad. Feel like everyone is looking at the "fat" lady. In my group of friends, I am by far the biggest. In reality i know everyone is not looking at me, but emotionally it's hard. Plus there ARE some people who definitely discriminate against you. It has happened to me before. Even in my looking for work, I'm paranoid about it.

I've come to realize a big part of my problem is staying home and not going out. When I do get out, run errands, etc, I feel better. However, hard to go out when you have to watch your money and self-esteem issues so bad. Feel like everyone is looking at the "fat" lady. In my group of friends, I am by far the biggest. In reality i know everyone is not looking at me, but emotionally it's hard. Plus there ARE some people who definitely discriminate against you. It has happened to me before. Even in my looking for work, I'm paranoid about it.

@twobluelady Welcome to Mayo Connect,

I'm so glad that you posted about your lack of motivation and your need to make some changes. You know, admitting you have a problem is the first step in getting better. Divorce is a difficult thing to recover from. Many of us have walked that road and understand how it feels.

Several months ago, we had a discussion called "Happiness: A One Week Journey," here is the link to that discussion, https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/happiness-a-one-week-journey/

Perhaps you will find some encouragement by looking at Dr. Amit Sood's program. In the meantime, stay connected with us. Find things to do that you enjoy, like walking, talking, listening to music, etc.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Teresa

@twobluelady Welcome to Mayo Connect,

I'm so glad that you posted about your lack of motivation and your need to make some changes. You know, admitting you have a problem is the first step in getting better. Divorce is a difficult thing to recover from. Many of us have walked that road and understand how it feels.

Several months ago, we had a discussion called "Happiness: A One Week Journey," here is the link to that discussion, https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/happiness-a-one-week-journey/

Perhaps you will find some encouragement by looking at Dr. Amit Sood's program. In the meantime, stay connected with us. Find things to do that you enjoy, like walking, talking, listening to music, etc.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Teresa