To move near family or stay put

@sef26 My husband and I have a vacation home in a small town near Asheville. Our plan was to move there full time when he retired. We have a daughter and her family who live near Charlotte. Well a couple of years after we bought the house, our son and his family moved to the town we are currently in. I see them once a week for Sunday dinner . I often pick up my granddaughter at school and take her to her after school activities. So I wasn’t willing to make the move to NC full time. One concern I have about the Asheville area is not an abundance of hospitals . The primary hospital is now owned by HCA and has had numerous violations for inadequate staffing in ER, etc. The Asheville area is beautiful and we enjoy it. We were fortunate to have no damage from Hurricane Helene in 2024. Good luck in your decision.

@celia16

I agree.

Expectation is the only seed of disappointment.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana

@janetexmsrrose
I lived alone and in a place I loved and planned to live out my remaining years, but up and moved to be near my children so that they could get to me faster in case anything happened to me. They were 4-5 hrs away. The first child took a job 2 hrs away within the first year after I relocated. The other received an excellent job offer and relocated 4 states away soon after. I am still alone, just in an undesired place. I'm much less mobile than I used to be so am home alone most days. If I need help, i have to pay for it. They are living their lives to the fullest. If I had to do all over again, I would stay put.

@jojopuli1

Are you in a position to return to the community you moved from?

@jojopuli1 This is a useful reply, and thanks for posting it. This sober reality has been expressed by me much earlier in this thread and by others, and you've just reminded us all that we may invite for ourselves a lot of bother only to have it all negated because of life's realities for the other people meant to be included in our calculus.

Perhaps one remedy, and it's one that will take very honest discussion and reasoning, is to actually move in with one of your kids or 'best friends' with the understanding that you would continue to be a member of their household when things shift...if they ever do. At least this would ensure that you're not left waving from your new doorstep as the people you moved to be nearer to say their goodbyes.

Jojo, Your experience is not unusual.

One friend moved a 3.5 hrs. drive from her beloved home to be where her daughter and three very young children lived. After 1.5 years, the daughter for professional reasons accepted a position many states away. Then, she moved a second time for a different job. Fortunately, my friend is in a financial position where she could afford to relocate back to her original town. She will just pay for “help,” when she needs it.

I knew another woman who moved from a happy retirement in North Carolina back to Colorado when her son shamed her into not being involved with grandkids. She moved back there and said in two years the children rarely looked up from their personal screens. She tried in every way to engage with them and form a relationship. Finally, she gave up and moved back to a beautiful area of North Carolina, and she has had no regrets.

@gravity3
Unfortunately, things have changed and I am priced out of the market. However, I am done greiving and feeling sorry for myself and just beginning to look at other potential locations. Thank you for your encouragement.

@jojopuli1

I admire your resilience. Good luck in your search for a new home.

@barbaradh
I planned, found and built a little home in a sleepy little town on the coast in North Carolina many years before retirement, and the thought of leaving that place never entered my mind. The children pushed, it was conveinent for them,and looking back, I was seduced by the idea that they loved and cared enough for me to wanted me near them to take care of me sounded appealing. I caved. That was the mother in me. But just as I was entering another stage of my life, winding down, they were entering the stage of greater possibilities and they moved on, I aged, became fearful of another major change and settled in trying to make the best of everything. Life is nothing but lessons and too short to be unhappy. I miss the intangibles: proximity to water, comfort of a small town, deeply surrounded by nature, large community of FREE senior activities and seniors thriving on their own and supporting each other, a great doctor and peace of mind. Peace of mind is priceless! So, yes. This old country girl is getting her own back and God willing......packing up my plants, crafts, bed and medical alert, I will soon find a and relocate to my happy place.

@gloaming
You are most welcome! Honestly, I can't imagine myself living with either of my children. If it comes to that, the decision would have taken out of my hands. I've toyed with the idea of a roommate situation but reality quickly hit when just over this past weekend, a friend suggested she come live with me - to help me out - and said it would benefit both of us. Quickly and kindly declined the offer before realized I had done it. She talks incessantly, lives in the past, is needy and our values are too different. I don't want the responsibility of trying to make someone else happy and that's how I feel around her.
These conversations are really helping guide me towards what I need to do for me. Thanks everyone. Really appreciate it!