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To move near family or stay put
Aging Well | Last Active: 5 days ago | Replies (190)Comment receiving replies
@janetexmsrrose
I lived alone and in a place I loved and planned to live out my remaining years, but up and moved to be near my children so that they could get to me faster in case anything happened to me. They were 4-5 hrs away. The first child took a job 2 hrs away within the first year after I relocated. The other received an excellent job offer and relocated 4 states away soon after. I am still alone, just in an undesired place. I'm much less mobile than I used to be so am home alone most days. If I need help, i have to pay for it. They are living their lives to the fullest. If I had to do all over again, I would stay put.
Replies to "@janetexmsrrose I lived alone and in a place I loved and planned to live out my..."
@jojopuli1 This is a useful reply, and thanks for posting it. This sober reality has been expressed by me much earlier in this thread and by others, and you've just reminded us all that we may invite for ourselves a lot of bother only to have it all negated because of life's realities for the other people meant to be included in our calculus.
Perhaps one remedy, and it's one that will take very honest discussion and reasoning, is to actually move in with one of your kids or 'best friends' with the understanding that you would continue to be a member of their household when things shift...if they ever do. At least this would ensure that you're not left waving from your new doorstep as the people you moved to be nearer to say their goodbyes.
Jojo, Your experience is not unusual.
One friend moved a 3.5 hrs. drive from her beloved home to be where her daughter and three very young children lived. After 1.5 years, the daughter for professional reasons accepted a position many states away. Then, she moved a second time for a different job. Fortunately, my friend is in a financial position where she could afford to relocate back to her original town. She will just pay for “help,” when she needs it.
I knew another woman who moved from a happy retirement in North Carolina back to Colorado when her son shamed her into not being involved with grandkids. She moved back there and said in two years the children rarely looked up from their personal screens. She tried in every way to engage with them and form a relationship. Finally, she gave up and moved back to a beautiful area of North Carolina, and she has had no regrets.
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@jojopuli1
Are you in a position to return to the community you moved from?