Anyone feel they made major life mistakes that are not forgivable?

All of this is not bad choices, unforgivable mistakes, bad luck, or even curses. It's Reality. Real Life. No one set out to be poor, sick, or miserable. Everyone of us did the very best we could. How many balls can you keep in the air? How many plates can you keep spinning, and for how long?
Life IS a gift. We have an opportunity between birth and death for love, even happiness, but mostly the Experience. We are limited by our muscle, brains, and flesh as to how much we can make (or destroy) of what we've been given.
If we believe, there is Grace and help from Heaven.
In my decades in Family Court, I saw thousands of people, families, in the most severe of life's pain-financial collapse, mental illness, medical illness, alcohol, cocaine, ignorance, abused and abusers, mostly unending stupidity (see Diederich Bonhoffer). Someone wrote over the entrance portal "Ye who enter here, abandon all hope."
Wealth, Extreme Wealth ($20M a year hedge fund broker?) made NO DIFFERENCE. Often made it much worse. Kids' lives were ruined. Propped up beyond their actual abilities, spoiled, entitled, condescending, compassionless, eventually depressed from anomie and ennui. Alcohol and cocaine.
From another perspective, as a counselor and life coach trying to help, the story was the same one, but with the personal and intimate details omitted in court papers.
As a family, we ourselves have a frugal and very good life. We worked hard for 30+ years. This country has been so good to us.
We stretched our budget last week because some very wealthy friends chose an extremely expensive restaurant for dinner. The cars in the lot were in the $100K + range. The diners were well dressed and loud. An air of "Look at us! We are rich. We made it. Right? 🤜🤛." Protesting too much.
Lots of obvious cosmetic surgery, perfect, but so unattractive.
Most dishes I saw were huge twin lobster tails and steaks. One couple combined must have weighed 700lbs. Happy? I don't think so.
See the (prophetic) movie Brazil with Jonathan Pryce.
Will there not be dementia, depression, rehab, diagnoses, cancer, heart failure , pain, fear, collapse, death? ("I am so important, I'm having myself frozen to wake up when they have a cure").
Alan Watts asks, " You think you can get one up on the Universe?"
Is there money and distraction sufficient to keep the inflated fantasy going until death, despite Reality? Maybe.
My point is, it's too big and too complicated for anyone to condemn themselves for failure or mourn for lack of wealth. Some have discovered the formula, and tried to spread the word. The "success" of most is in encasing themselves in a (very fragile) bubble of Fantasy, always with the lingerng fear that the bubble will burst.
Let's have and enjoy our fantasies, but remember.
Please go easier on yourselves. (Bono Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For.

A singular regret, forgivable or not I won't judge, and maybe you'd think it's trivial, but...
I grew up in a household that included my grandmother, who was born in 1880 in Chicago. In that year, the James gang was still robbing stagecoaches, the Apaches were still raiding between the U.S. and Mexico, and the Boer war had just started. I regret that I didn't once ask her about the great expanse of her life - from the 1893 World's Fair (she still had souvenirs) to raising 5 kids as a widow during the depression, etc., etc. My kids have asked a few questions about my life, but not many... I suppose I should write something down, huh?

I’m so sorry you feel this way, but as a therapist, I supportively say, you DO have the ability to change how you think and behave. We cannot change the past but we can change the present. I would suggest you get support/ assistance from someone who can help you see your own abilities and strengths to have newer relationships that are more meaningful or how to go about trying to see if your present relationships can be altered with commitment. Change and happiness/ forgiveness is possible. If you haven’t, read Brene brown’s work. Best to you

You've gotten a lot of great advice already but I would ask you, are you in love with your husband now? Is he still an angry man? Does he put his anger on you and treat you poorly? If yes to these, the best gift you can give to yourself and your son's, is to leave him, start a new life and find joy in that new life. It doesn't sound like anybody is happy in this current life. God would want for you to be happy, not living out the rest of your life with someone who whether inadvertently or not, steals that joy from you on a daily basis. Your son's see the sadness and anger and carry it with them. Genetic or not, they carry it. I believe God is all forgiving. We've ALL made mistakes and yours is very forgivable! I have no idea what your current status is in your marriage so if I've got it wrong, ignore what I said, but if true, the best role model you can be for your sons is to move forward and show them what a happy life looks like, 'live' the way you'd want them to live. Seeing you happy may eventually rub off on them and show them that life doesn't have to be full of anger and sadness. If on the flip side, you and your husband have found love after all of these years and genuinely love and support each other, a visit with both sons and an honest conversation about the past and how it wasn't what you'd both hoped for might be a good start. Tell them you are sorry things weren't always perfect/happy growing up but you want nothing more than to see them both happy in their lives now, to find joy and love in everything they do, break the genetic cycle of anger/sadness as it's a dead end road. Reclaim happiness! It's never too late! Your son's are adults now and they may shun the idea entirely, their choice, but putting the effort into a having a real conversation is worth it. What they do will be up to them going forward. If even a tiny bit of what you say to them takes up residency in their mind, that's a win! If they refuse to meet, write each one a letter and mail it to them and write from your heart. We all have our journey here on earth and finding joy should be at the top of the list, for all of us. Life is a school, we are here to learn, evolve and move forward, not backwards. You are not alone in that. You deserve to be happy!

We all have regrets. Coulda, woulda, shoulda. Can we change the past? No. Can we make amends? Some, but not always. Can we do better today? ABSOLUTELY. Not living our lives out of regret of the past makes us stop living a joyful life over something we have no power to change. It limits our world to self pity. (Speaking from my own experience)
Are you WILLING to make those amends? I sense the answer is yes. Trust God to put those people in front of you when the time is right. Your children will choose to be there or they will choose not to. You have no power over their choices. Pray for them, that’s all you can do.
God has already forgiven you. He forgave you the day his son was nailed to the cross. You are Jewish, so your beliefs may be different from mine, but I believe the Son of God died for all of our sins. He reconciled us with the Holy Father knowing that mankind is sinful and would always make mistakes. He forgave us through His suffering.
Accepting our humanity and our faults will set us free. Being a better person today than we were yesterday is all we can do. Recognizing and working on our shortcomings to be a better human makes our soul feel better. Make your amends by being a better human by helping those in need, feed the poor, welcome the stranger, have kind words for others, love everything. Let go of self-loathing and just LOVE EVERYTHING. Your soul will heal and your heart will follow.
Your children are adults who have their own busy lives, mental and health issues. You did the best you knew how. You can’t regret that. It could even be that their distance from you has nothing to do with you! Send them birthday and Christmas cards, even a monthly letter. Focus those on the present, never on the past. Tell them you love them and miss hearing from them. Focus on love.
God and love heals everything that needs to be healed. He will start with you if you let Him.
I’m sorry for your pain, I pray you allow God to work His miracles.
Terri