Earliest signs of decline?

@becsbuddy Hello, our mother is in mid-latter stages of dementia. It’s been exhausting but we just take it day to day.

I am truly lost now. I notice my husband would forget how to work the remote an staring out the door. He fall in our bedroom an hit his head hard i call 911 they came an i rode with him to the hospital. They did a cat scan of his head nothing bad thank heaven. But he started saying i was having affair an i was overdose him on his meds. I never left the hospital 1 time in 15 days. He was in the hospital 15 days we came home with a vent he was home for 2 days an night. He never slept not 1 minute end up calling again 911 to come an get him because he was getting very very ugly with me telling me he going to kill me.

Greetings everyone, and hugs to all.

I'm not sure if this fits in this discussion, but our 96-1/2 year old mother is declining, 2-1/2 years into living in a(n expensive) personal care home, having moved over from the independent living she had been in for 18 years there, of which the last 11 years were with her alone (continuing on in their independent living home) after our father died in 2013.

Cognitive decline now is undeniable, even to her, and a particular situation has arisen that I wonder whether it is due to any kind or type of physical and/or mental decline.

The situation is that she often feels like her pants that she wears - like light pull-on loose "sweatpants" or lounge pants - are wet or damp. But now she is stating that she has wet the bed overnight when the additional caregivers we employ are stating the bedsheets are NOT wet, but they are changing / replacing the "bed chucks" (bed pads) anyway.

Now Mom is saying that the caregiver is denying her experience that the bed sheets are wet, and that the caregiver thus doesn't replace the sheets themselves.

As we just added this 11pm to 7:30am shift to the other 11am - 2pm AND 7pm to 11pm caregiver shifts, this has arisen as something my mother has shared is a tension of sorts between them.

I've contacted the caregiving service, which has been stellar (thank goodness we found them, and they respond quickly to our concerns!).

But for this group I'm wondering if the sensation of wetness, even the sensation (if not reality) of her underpants falling down (when they weren't the time I was there), is something others in similar circumstances have noticed, heard about, or experienced their loved one expressing?

Awaiting word from the caregiving service about how to sensitively approach this with this caregiver (whom Mom knows from other shifts, and is now pretty much the 11pm to 7:30 am caregiver going forward from here on out, pending further kinds of decline).

But has anyone heard if this happened with their loved one, and is it part of any kind of physical, nerve sensation that goes with declining circumstances?

Thank you so much for any shared experiences and information.

@sharonlsorrell1953s
Hi and hugs to you. Sounds like it might be time for meds to control his behavior. Have you contacted his doctor? A social worker or Aging and Disabilities worker may help, and calling the Alzheimers Association hotline, open 24/7.
Keep coming to this site for expert advice from folks who have been there.
All the best to you. 🌺

@brandysparks I'm wondering whether she has a UTI or liver issues.

@gilkesl - Thank you. I did ask about a UTI, and the doctor immediately discounted it. Fairly certain the Dr. didn't or hasn't ever done a check/test, but Dr. is certain Mom's cognitive decline is part of her overall decline. (As for liver, I think abdominal scans have been done, with things normal).

Unfortunately, likely that my mother wouldn't even be willing to provide a urine sample if asked or suggested.

How do you know if the cognitive decline that only enhances her irritation and stubbornness is reversible or able to be lessened when her anger and frustration (a magnification of her lifelong (private) attitude) is such a stumbling block? I suppose the answer is: you do what you can, whether you're the medical professional (hopefully with diligence and concern), or the family member who keeps trying, hurting and yet can't surmount ultimately her intransigence.

@brandysparks
Hi, I hate to go beyond her doctor's professional opinion not to get checked for a UTI, however they are so very common in the elderly, especially ones with dementia.
When she's in a good mood can you cajole her to pee in a clean cup with a lid, then you go to urgent care, maybe stating it's for you but you want her along for support, then offer the sample once there? I'm trying to think of a work-around for you.
Maybe you can put some sort of urine catcher cup device in the toilet bowl when she's urinating so you can more easily get the sample?
UTI's are such bad news for folks with dementia. My mom who had Alzheimers used to get them frequently. One time she was speaking in tongues, nothing coming out of her mouth made sense. After a trip to the emergency room it was indeed a UTI.
Good luck to you!

@judimahoney - Your wonderful, practical solutions offered are appreciated more than you can know.

I don't know that this is possible to actually carry out under our circumstances, but - again - after dealing with rude, rushed staff and extensive miscommunications with personal care staff (if they communicate at all) - your practical, reasonable, "get-to-it" suggestion/s are so warmly appreciated - like an understanding hug!

I did have experience when my father was in the hospital recovering from his 10th (!?!) procedure to clean out his infected 8" spinal surgical wound that neurology did to insert a metal rod to support his bad back...but then neurology was so happy with their successful surgery, the rest was left to him, some hospital staff and us to deal with as he kept getting reinfected IN THE HOSPITAL. Apologies - I digress a bit...

But, he started wondering where he was, he couldn't talk much, he did NOT have cognitive issues, but this so scared me when I was visiting him that I had to wrangle hospital staff to attend to him or I was afraid he was having a stroke or lord only knows what was going on. It WAS a UTI. OMG.

We are expected to fill in the gaps, yet the medical professionals, as talented and capable as many are, leave a whole universe to be desired as far as attentive care, maintenance and appropriate follow-up. In my current state of mind (hugely frustrated, my questions talked over, impatient nurses not helpful, repeating information already known, but then asking "what medications ARE being given to your mother - ack?! What the ??) - in my current state of mind, I am sooooo tired of being asked questions that they should have the answers to right in front of them before they contact me, or any of us?

As an attorney, if I spoke so off-the-cuff about critical issues to a client on a repeated basis, like I didn't know what their case was about, I'd be subject to some darn unhappy clients, and a poor reputation as a professional. But I don't do that, and neither should these medical personnel, and if they DO, it should have professional consequences.

I'll leave it all at that for now. But I am fairly certain I am not alone in this kind of disjointed, uninformed and casually-treated serious medical situation.

My best to all of us out there trying, and trying, and trying...

It was inevitable. Corporate medicine. Bottom line. Bean Counters.

@shmerdloff