Resisting hired caregiver in the home

Good morning, @gratia I ran into the same issue with my wife. I know everyone’s journey and patient are different, but the following worked for me.

I found someone who agreed they’d play along. I told my wife the household chores were more than I could get done so i needed someone to come in to help me with the house 2 hours a week. My wife agreed since it was the house and not her needing care. Within just a couple visits my help was sitting with my wife, asking what she needed, chatting, etc.

They morphed into a caregiver without my wife realizing it and she didn’t get upset about it.

Just an idea that worked for us.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

@IndianaScott Great way to handle the situation Scott. Thank you for sharing! I get so many good and helpful suggestions at Connect!

@IndianaScott Thank you Scott, I’m really stressed over another family crisis and I absolutely need a break to clear my head. I will try your suggestion- I’m having a person come today just for an hour - “a friend of mine” for a visit. Cross fingers.
Thank you so much🤗

I soon will bring in a caregiver for a few hours a week for respite. I am going to tell him it's for physical therapy. I have arranged with the service for the caregiver to give him some exercises and even take him to the workout room in our apartments. Our PCP went along with suggesting he needs physical therapy. I'm hoping he adjusts quickly, time will tell.

I sincerely hope this works for you. I think that’s a good plan.

Yesterday I had a caregiver here - ‘meet & greet’. She stayed an hour and it seemed to go well. I told mother she’s a friend of a friend.

After she left, I told my mother that I just need some help cleaning, and someone to be there if I need to go to store, etc.

My mother got belligerent, saying she stays at the house alone and she is fine (she’s never alone and needs help with ADLs). I was so exhausted (cumulative), I broke out in tears of frustration. I’ve literally lost so much to care for her and the fact that she doesn’t get it, drives me crazy.

I know it’s the dementia- the agnosognosia- but it doesn’t make it easier. I start to dislike her and think she’s a ‘selfish jerk’ - but I know it’s the disease.

It’s just so difficult.

I wish you strength and comfort and joy. ❤️🤗

Hello there. I hear you about absolutely needing the break and I’m sure YOU DO! Don’t feel guilty for taking good care of you— it’s the only way you can take care of her. When I started needing breaks from my husband, I considered what he liked to do and he tends to like to do artsy things. In his life, he was always working long hours and didn’t have the time to try art things and once retired, he started really blossoming — took a pottery class for a couple years at local college, etc. Unfortunately , he was diagnosed with early Alzheimer’s and has declined rapidly. So what worked for me with my husband was I interviewed and found a caregiver that was artistic and now I have his “ art friend” over to do art with him. I call it his art class. He loves to sit with her and they do all kinds of art projects together for 2-3 hours. He looks forward to his art classes and I have never once called her “ his caregiver”, bc I knew I would get pushback. Perhaps if your mother liked knitting or sewing or some other craft, you could find her a buddy to do that with her. Just a thought. Best to you on this very hard journey.

@ljchr great idea, I’ve been trying to figure out a way because my husband refuses saying I don’t need a babysitter, however I definitely think this might work