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Doesn’t anyone else feel …… ?
Everyone seems so calm and reasonable on here. Am I the only one who gets fed up and irritable?
This evening two things are driving me nuts: one is the constant contrariness, increased from his normal contrariness. (My daughter once said he’s the most contrary person she’s ever met. That was three years ago. Before these unexplained symptoms began.) The other irritation (aaarrrghh!!!) is the nearly always saying “Oh, I know.” When clearly, until it was explained, he did NOT know. (This too is an increase from his normal level of knowing everything.)
It truly seems that all the incompatible characteristics are greatly exaggerated now.
As is my level of irritation, which certainly does not help.
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@judimahoney
Yes, we do have a raised bed. My sleep is usually interrupted by finding a comfortable position for the surgery knee and leg. Also, my husband frequently gets up and that can wake me too, but I am dealing with it the best I can.
I think the biggest issue is how much he sleeps during the day. He has so little energy from the cancer treatment and no drive to do much of anything. Yes, they are adjusting his medication, but it takes time.
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1 Reaction@kjc48
You're not aging in the negative sense. You are like a fine wine that improves with age!
George's Wife
P.S. I thought of you this morning, as I was removing the two-month old polish from my toe nails and painting on a fresh coat of flourescent blue!
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1 Reaction@georgescraftjr
Remember the story here of the lady's new intern who diagnosed her with hypoxia because her toenails were blue?
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1 ReactionShouldn't you be getting your beauty sleep by now?
@sunnygardens
Think about it for a minute. It's your reaction to something that is not under his control. It's the disease speaking. In a Caregiver group I attend, one of the women said, " I just say to my self, it's Al, speaking", Al for Alzheimers, and she does a bit of deflection, "I have to pee.", or just walks away. No one says this is easy. It's not.
Tom
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1 Reaction@ocdogmom
I have a card from Dartmouth Hitchcock Dementia Center of Excellence, that says "my wife has dementia please expect some confusion" I added to the card, "She is in denial, please do not talk around her!" I hand out these cards to the medical pros, and it helps. When they ask her a question, and she is hesitant to reply, I then talk to her, to remind her of what her problems are or were, so that she will then remain in the conversation. I do not respond to the medical pro. It isn't perfect, but it helps.
Tom
@n82821 “Think about it for a MINUTE”? I think about it all the time!
Maybe it’sa disease and maybe it isn’t. No one can even guess because my friend is completely oblivious of any of the behaviourisms. Or so it seems.
As far as giving the diseases a nickname, I have no desire to live with “Al”.
I’m glad this trick works to make your life easier.
I’m not allowed to treat him like he’s “old”, or like he’s a patient. But I can’t treat him as the friend I thought he was because he isn’t that person, whether he’s ill or I was just deluded.
Long and boring story.
Bottom line is, although we’re still friends, I’m continually compromising, dressing up more patience, walking off frustration, missing certain aspects of life while my friend blithely continues about his meet way.
I looked after my dad, my kids, my stepdad who is still alive, I deal with my untreated bipolar mother who is now developing age-related memory problems (or is it dementia symptoms? We’ll never know because “there’s nothing wrong” with her.) Got a bipolar brother with physical health restrictions who medicates with cannabis. All these people are 3500 miles away.
Yes, I’m irritated.
I watched a short documentary about a care home in Denmark, unique in its format. Yes, the patients are receiving fabulous care. But! There were often two or three caregivers helping one patient. How the staff is paid I can’t imagine.
Some days it just comes to the front of my mind that I have too many responsibilities gradually becoming more and more.
There’s ONE person I don’t want to be a caregiver for, but I feel guilty even about that.
@deme17z are the medications helping at all? Is the physio helping at all? Sometimes it’s time to call an end to ineffective therapies.
Are you able to have a schedule? Maybe if you regularly told him it’s time to go for a walk, it would help you both.
Are you able to get someone to stay with him while you go out?
Your frustration is absolutely justified.
You know, once upon a time, if a person was age 86, wanted to sleep, and was barely able to walk, family would let him sleep. Put him in a wheelchair. Not try to rehabilitate him/her.
My brother and I used to say “Dad’s 84. Let him eat what he wants.” (After 20 years of trying to stop him furthering his decline into eating unhealthy foods all the time.)
In the end, it was the incoming cancer treatment that killed Jim. He wanted to continue with it. We saw the side effects but it was his choice.
Sometimes we should just let old people do what they’re comfortable with because all the treatments and therapies are making their life more miserable.
Remember to take care of yourself!