Well, my appointment was just canceled as the doc could not make it in...Now I can spaz all weekend until Monday afternoon. I am required to give 24 hour notice so they can fill my time slot. Not a happy camper as I wanted to get it over with and ask why my ankles are swelling more...a plot to destroy old, worthless people that are nothing more than a burden on society. I would much rather be working and also would like for my heart to quit pounding so hard. There was a time I did learn to trust and was badly abused asking for help. Not into self pity here just terribly frustrated and trying to get a lid on my anger. Thing calm thoughts. Interstate traffic is terrible as to work on the road for widening to 4 lanes and who cares about this...semi's shifting gears, no need to try music as would have to turn volume so loud to drown out noise of interstate. Pain is through the roof and it is my own fault for allowing something so seemingly insignificant upset me this much!!!! Noise everywhere. Want it to stop. At least have a little focus. Work on a watercolor with the roaring of traffic. Trapped here...don't dare leave and go any where in this kind of shape. It is all in my head...
I was so hoping that you would have a good appointment and a better day today! I'm glad that you can get in to see the doctor on Monday, though. This will give you an opportunity to get your questions answered - I must admit being able to do it before the weekend would have been better, though.
Keep focused on what you can do to get yourself through the weekend - we are "in your corner" and hoping for the best for you.
Well, my appointment was just canceled as the doc could not make it in...Now I can spaz all weekend until Monday afternoon. I am required to give 24 hour notice so they can fill my time slot. Not a happy camper as I wanted to get it over with and ask why my ankles are swelling more...a plot to destroy old, worthless people that are nothing more than a burden on society. I would much rather be working and also would like for my heart to quit pounding so hard. There was a time I did learn to trust and was badly abused asking for help. Not into self pity here just terribly frustrated and trying to get a lid on my anger. Thing calm thoughts. Interstate traffic is terrible as to work on the road for widening to 4 lanes and who cares about this...semi's shifting gears, no need to try music as would have to turn volume so loud to drown out noise of interstate. Pain is through the roof and it is my own fault for allowing something so seemingly insignificant upset me this much!!!! Noise everywhere. Want it to stop. At least have a little focus. Work on a watercolor with the roaring of traffic. Trapped here...don't dare leave and go any where in this kind of shape. It is all in my head...
Return visit to doctor resulted in a trip to imaging as to who knows what? Scary as I had them before. Tomorrow at 2. What next? Back in a week for results and a different doctor as the one I am seeing is leaving for Haiti. The one seen prior to the assigned doctor freaked me out so much with her uncertainty-not her again!!! We ought to be able to feel safe and confident when seeing the secondary to the pcp. Stressed to the max. No one to ask for help. Suck it up coward and just go get it over with...the noise is dreadful for me. i know for most this is no problem. My vision goes to black and white---I can do this.
Lisa Lucier, Moderator | @lisalucier | Oct 31, 2017
@parus--so sorry this is feeling scary and stressful and that you are not getting to stay with one provider. You are correct that you should be able to feel safe and confident with any doctor appointment--that's important.
You absolutely can do this, @parus. You have shown us your strength in many ways.
Return visit to doctor resulted in a trip to imaging as to who knows what? Scary as I had them before. Tomorrow at 2. What next? Back in a week for results and a different doctor as the one I am seeing is leaving for Haiti. The one seen prior to the assigned doctor freaked me out so much with her uncertainty-not her again!!! We ought to be able to feel safe and confident when seeing the secondary to the pcp. Stressed to the max. No one to ask for help. Suck it up coward and just go get it over with...the noise is dreadful for me. i know for most this is no problem. My vision goes to black and white---I can do this.
dear parus, keep holding on. it is tough i know but so far i have made it for 80 years. yes 80. remembering when my mother tried to smother me at age 5. horror of horrors. hang in and make it past age 80. do all of us good when you pass 80. we all love and care for you. peach barbara
Return visit to doctor resulted in a trip to imaging as to who knows what? Scary as I had them before. Tomorrow at 2. What next? Back in a week for results and a different doctor as the one I am seeing is leaving for Haiti. The one seen prior to the assigned doctor freaked me out so much with her uncertainty-not her again!!! We ought to be able to feel safe and confident when seeing the secondary to the pcp. Stressed to the max. No one to ask for help. Suck it up coward and just go get it over with...the noise is dreadful for me. i know for most this is no problem. My vision goes to black and white---I can do this.
If you are talking about noise, you must be having an MRI? I hope that it goes well for you. I recite (in my head, without vocalizing) stuff when I'm in an MRI thingy - words to songs, Bible verses, pray for others - whatever it takes to get me through to the end. I've even fallen asleep during the process (believe it or not).
Return visit to doctor resulted in a trip to imaging as to who knows what? Scary as I had them before. Tomorrow at 2. What next? Back in a week for results and a different doctor as the one I am seeing is leaving for Haiti. The one seen prior to the assigned doctor freaked me out so much with her uncertainty-not her again!!! We ought to be able to feel safe and confident when seeing the secondary to the pcp. Stressed to the max. No one to ask for help. Suck it up coward and just go get it over with...the noise is dreadful for me. i know for most this is no problem. My vision goes to black and white---I can do this.
@parus - imaging is good. I always like it when scans, etc., are arranged. I like to see the pictures so I understand better what's going on. I always ask them to explain what I'm seeing. I'm looking forward to hearing what they see in your workups.
Have you tried ear plugs or headphones? I slept with ear plugs for a long time because of my wife's snoring.
Return visit to doctor resulted in a trip to imaging as to who knows what? Scary as I had them before. Tomorrow at 2. What next? Back in a week for results and a different doctor as the one I am seeing is leaving for Haiti. The one seen prior to the assigned doctor freaked me out so much with her uncertainty-not her again!!! We ought to be able to feel safe and confident when seeing the secondary to the pcp. Stressed to the max. No one to ask for help. Suck it up coward and just go get it over with...the noise is dreadful for me. i know for most this is no problem. My vision goes to black and white---I can do this.
dear parus, i forgot, you mentioned self pity a few days ago. yes you and i and many others who have suffered as we have do deserve to admit to self pity. why not, it is justified. perhaps it does help us to pity ourselves. for it is well deserved. cry all you want to. it does help me somewhat. but somewhat is better than none at all. you and i (and others) have many true horror stories that perhaps should be told and feeling sorry for ourselves is warranted. do not be embarased of the truth and realize how many people can be as strong as we are. YES, YOU ARE STRONG. believe in yourself for you are special. there are many, many people who know you are special and we do love you. peach barbara
Heart stuff -echo etc. No one knows other than the words I share here. My problems are not their's and I do not ever want them feeling they owe me for any thing. I never knew I had depression or so many dark things from my past. They have their own lives and I do not want to be a burden in any way. Parents fail children. Children do NOT fail parents. @peach414144 Surprised I have made it this far and stress can kill even if slowly. When my own mother was sick and needy I wanted to go help her. She had disowned me which was her way of showing disapproval. After all of her abuse and blaming me she did ask to see me. I was elated! I went to see her in a retirement home only to have my middle sister show up in a full-blown rage and drove me a way. Any time I would go to visit her that sister would pitch a fit. People do what works for them. Still, I wanted to be their for my mom. I did attend her funeral where the one sister had become the person she always hated.
After all of the abuse I still wanted to be there for my mom.
Enough of the maudlin mush again.
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Well, my appointment was just canceled as the doc could not make it in...Now I can spaz all weekend until Monday afternoon. I am required to give 24 hour notice so they can fill my time slot. Not a happy camper as I wanted to get it over with and ask why my ankles are swelling more...a plot to destroy old, worthless people that are nothing more than a burden on society. I would much rather be working and also would like for my heart to quit pounding so hard. There was a time I did learn to trust and was badly abused asking for help. Not into self pity here just terribly frustrated and trying to get a lid on my anger. Thing calm thoughts. Interstate traffic is terrible as to work on the road for widening to 4 lanes and who cares about this...semi's shifting gears, no need to try music as would have to turn volume so loud to drown out noise of interstate. Pain is through the roof and it is my own fault for allowing something so seemingly insignificant upset me this much!!!! Noise everywhere. Want it to stop. At least have a little focus. Work on a watercolor with the roaring of traffic. Trapped here...don't dare leave and go any where in this kind of shape. It is all in my head...
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1 ReactionOh my, @parus
I was so hoping that you would have a good appointment and a better day today! I'm glad that you can get in to see the doctor on Monday, though. This will give you an opportunity to get your questions answered - I must admit being able to do it before the weekend would have been better, though.
Keep focused on what you can do to get yourself through the weekend - we are "in your corner" and hoping for the best for you.
Teresa
Oh, @parus, I'm so sorry to hear that. How frustrating.
How are you hanging in there?
Are you truly working on a watercolor, then?
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1 ReactionReturn visit to doctor resulted in a trip to imaging as to who knows what? Scary as I had them before. Tomorrow at 2. What next? Back in a week for results and a different doctor as the one I am seeing is leaving for Haiti. The one seen prior to the assigned doctor freaked me out so much with her uncertainty-not her again!!! We ought to be able to feel safe and confident when seeing the secondary to the pcp. Stressed to the max. No one to ask for help. Suck it up coward and just go get it over with...the noise is dreadful for me. i know for most this is no problem. My vision goes to black and white---I can do this.
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Helpful -
Hug
2 Reactions@parus--so sorry this is feeling scary and stressful and that you are not getting to stay with one provider. You are correct that you should be able to feel safe and confident with any doctor appointment--that's important.
You absolutely can do this, @parus. You have shown us your strength in many ways.
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2 Reactionsdear parus, keep holding on. it is tough i know but so far i have made it for 80 years. yes 80. remembering when my mother tried to smother me at age 5. horror of horrors. hang in and make it past age 80. do all of us good when you pass 80. we all love and care for you. peach barbara
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1 ReactionHello @parus
If you are talking about noise, you must be having an MRI? I hope that it goes well for you. I recite (in my head, without vocalizing) stuff when I'm in an MRI thingy - words to songs, Bible verses, pray for others - whatever it takes to get me through to the end. I've even fallen asleep during the process (believe it or not).
Teresa
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Helpful -
Hug
2 Reactions@parus - imaging is good. I always like it when scans, etc., are arranged. I like to see the pictures so I understand better what's going on. I always ask them to explain what I'm seeing. I'm looking forward to hearing what they see in your workups.
Have you tried ear plugs or headphones? I slept with ear plugs for a long time because of my wife's snoring.
Jim
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2 Reactionsdear parus, i forgot, you mentioned self pity a few days ago. yes you and i and many others who have suffered as we have do deserve to admit to self pity. why not, it is justified. perhaps it does help us to pity ourselves. for it is well deserved. cry all you want to. it does help me somewhat. but somewhat is better than none at all. you and i (and others) have many true horror stories that perhaps should be told and feeling sorry for ourselves is warranted. do not be embarased of the truth and realize how many people can be as strong as we are. YES, YOU ARE STRONG. believe in yourself for you are special. there are many, many people who know you are special and we do love you. peach barbara
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Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsHeart stuff -echo etc. No one knows other than the words I share here. My problems are not their's and I do not ever want them feeling they owe me for any thing. I never knew I had depression or so many dark things from my past. They have their own lives and I do not want to be a burden in any way. Parents fail children. Children do NOT fail parents.
@peach414144 Surprised I have made it this far and stress can kill even if slowly. When my own mother was sick and needy I wanted to go help her. She had disowned me which was her way of showing disapproval. After all of her abuse and blaming me she did ask to see me. I was elated! I went to see her in a retirement home only to have my middle sister show up in a full-blown rage and drove me a way. Any time I would go to visit her that sister would pitch a fit. People do what works for them. Still, I wanted to be their for my mom. I did attend her funeral where the one sister had become the person she always hated.
After all of the abuse I still wanted to be there for my mom.
Enough of the maudlin mush again.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 Reactions