Depression, fibromyalgia and spinal degeneration

@any moderator. Getting error msgs like "We're sorry, but we experienced an issue creating this comment please try again." Would really help if I could talk to someone especially about the money issues when we need help and want to go do something to help ourselves we need opportunities and money to do so. Somebody
Write back to me so I don't feel so alone out here in this desert.

Hi @virtuous Scott here. Sorry to hear your challenges continue.

I, too, have been having a bit of a tough go of it lately. One of those times when nothing seems to turn out as I had hoped and then I get to missing my wife in a huge way, which leads me down the dang rabbit hole even further, but at least it is sunny today!

Remember -- dust bunnies never hurt anyone! No matter how large they get! They may multiply like, well, rabbits, but so what? The only garbage I worried about was anything with food in it -- the other junk just lived on its own and without my care or concern. Yes, it was a mess, but as caregivers we all know there is never enough time nor energy to "do it all". Remember, too, none of us are super heros, so we can only do as much as we can and that differs from person to person.

I had to laugh the other day when I came across an advertisement from an investment company "telling" caregivers we 'had to maintain balance.' Obviously written by someone perhaps well meaning, but I am 99.9% (like Ivory Soap) sure they aren't a caregiver. I gave up ever even thinking about balance in favor of simply maintaining! This is why I really try and preface any suggestions I have as "this is what worked for me" and not "do this". Each patient, disease, situation, caregiver, etc. is unique and therefore advice must be administered as an option and not a requirement. Our medical professionals do all the requiring our patients' need. They require we give medications, clean up, get check-ups, etc. for our patients. Pretty much after that we, as chief cooks and bottle washers, are on our own.

My tip on the floors, as my back is bad too and I have a bad knee is that I took to 'skating' the floors, which is something my wife used with our children to get them to have fun helping. I would take two damp (not wet so they are not too slippery) rags, put one under each foot, and 'skate' on the floor to clean them. Way easier on the back and knees and it fell into the 'good enough' category while I was actively caregiving.

You got this -- you are already doing it -- many of us here are totally proud of you!

I wish you continued strength, courage, and peace!

Hello @virtuous,

I’m sorry that you’re in so much pain; please believe me when I say that you are not alone. It may look incredibly bleak right now, but by joining this wonderful Connect community you don't have to journey through this alone.

I sincerely encourage you to keep doing the things necessary to maintain your daily balance; keeping a routine for sleeping, eating, exercising, etc. sounds trivial, but it can be a huge jump-start towards not feeling so stuck or trapped. When we think of the "whole big picture" or how our future will unfold, we tend to get overwhelmed – instead, start by taking care of the little things, and more often than not, the rest will follow.

@virtuous, do have any local community resources you could approach? Could you consider joining another church or parish group?

@virtuous69 Hi, was just reading your post. Would you consider moving to Tucson, Az.? It is a lot cheaper than where you are. I had read that your hubby does not want to move. What is holding him back? Please don't say the children... because if they aren't helping you out, they should not be a consideration. The sun shines 354 days out of the year, or something like that. That is good for depression. There is lots of social help available there also. Lots of retirees also. Just a thought.

@virtuous Hi Dori. I have seen your occasional posts about wanting to disconnect from the MAC group. You may want to reconsider. Seeing our posts might make you grateful for what you have verses what we have. At least you can breathe and don't have bacterias that are constantly trying to kill you. Believe me, I am not making light of what you are dealing with. I have two immediate members of my family that have/had bi-polar disorder and a nephew with schizophrenia. I KNOW how dibilitating depression is. I have MAC and have ZERO energy like someone would with fibromyalgia or really bad lupus. I have read your posts about your housework getting away from you. I totally get that. My downstairs stays pretty tidy, but my bedroom and other rooms upstairs are the pits. I only have four hours out of a day to be a human being. I cannot get going until after 12 noon. I have two hours of breathing treatments in the a.m. and then two more hours in the p.m. I hit a brick wall by 3:30 in the afternoon and usually nap until 5 or 6. Get through dinner, walk my dog, do my two hours of treatments, shower, and get into bed.
For some fortunate reason, I am never depressed. My clutter gets on my nerves, but I keep chanting my motto: 'A little bit here, and a little bit there' gets the job done eventually. I have gotten rid of a bunch of stuff that was bogging me down, and reorganizing things to make my life easier. I can tell you this much; a cluttered environment will give you a cluttered mind. Just get rid of it!

@virtuous Hi Dori, I agree with what Kanaaz said with regards to the 'big picture'. It is easy to get overwhelmed when things have gotten away from you. I break my tasks down into small ones. I find that if I compartmentalize each thing or area, I do better. For example, when deciding what to tackle in your home: you could say to yourself, 'Just for today, all I have to do is Scrub the toilet. That's it. Next say, "all I have to do is , scrub the bathroom sink. Then, the next day give yourself a small task. Then, everyday give yourself a small task. Delegate to your husband too. You said his back hurts, let him fold laundry on the sofa. A little bit here and a little bit there gets the job done. One feels better when they are busy. That is my take anyway. Hugs, Terri

Oh Scott : I just wrote you a long reply on a berry was getting to the end when all of a sudden my post went into the Twilight Zone. This is the second time this has happened to me. I cried when I read your last sentence that said other posters were proud of me. Right now I'm at my rope's end and as I wrote before it's a money issue it is Labor Day weekend it's also a heatwave here in California of 108 213 and we stayed indoors all day sitting in our lockers with the air conditioning on which is going to blow our monthly space rent way past what we can afford to pay. I mentioned that we had our car troubles and was able to get them out of the shop after we paid off our cars. We were so proud thinking we'd have a little extra money and then Bingo both cars acted up and we spent much money all trying to get the cars out of the shop so our kids are off camping having a blast even though it's hot they're always out camping doing something fun and my husband and I just sit here because all we do is pay bills. I had to laugh at your face Chief cook and bottle washer that's exactly what I am at the first thing I think of when my back starts hurting stops hurting as I got to get up and do dishes and then I have to feed my husband. I do try to plan to get something done each day but I've got new developments I've discovered that after 2 years of no dental care and no dental insurance not only do I have a massive cavity on the bottom that I have to leave alone and we have no insurance that I have a huge abscess that I can feel on the outside of my face even between two teeth and a failed root canal. So my husband took out dental insurance but it will not cover any Majors like root canals extractions or anything for one full year so I'm taking a highly powerful antibiotic that I have to separate from my other meds and sitting around Labor Day weekend all day all three days and I mobile home is just been depressing as all get-out it was even too hot to try to go to a local park 113° I just want some fun in my life and I know I must be a burden on my husband. He loves me dearly but I'm waiting for the heating pad and the pain meds to kick in before I can get out of bed. I love your idea about skating the kitchen floor I think my stepmother and I did that once on hardwood floors for waxing but I have filthy bathroom floors that get dirty so fast from tracking in Tire dust we live in a Vortex of trains planes and semis going up the hill all belching out diesel fluid or dust if you will. I can't take it anymore I'm even beginning to think a little bit about ending at all even though I don't think about being of the real things like taking extra pills or cutting myself or anything that you have to report to social workers it's just I don't want to do it anymore I just want the Lord to send me a little bit of joy in my life just a little. And I can imagine how you're feeling about your wife. A good friend of ours passed away at 870 all they lived in I believe Tennessee and her husband is so lonely at all of us miss her terribly she was the light of our life a good Mentor to me when they lived in California and there's just a big vacant hole. So my heart aches for you. But right now I can't stand the three it is no such thing as dust bunnies where we live because it's a whole house is carpeted except for kitchen we used to have this bunnies when we lived back East where everything was hard wood floors. Right now it's just dirty crumbs all over the floors Grime ground into the bathroom floors and once in awhile I just get disgusted and make an attempt to do something the other reason I'm depressed is it's been between 108 and 113 here and we're sweating buckets and it's too hot to go outside and everything needs to be watered and trimmed and bushes are dying. in times past we would go to the park and just sit and watch the geese but it's too hard to hot rather to go out to these parks. It's cooler today my son is coming back from his camping trip and all they do is party and barbecue and it makes us feel so old and decrepit. I'm 69 and I just feel like life is passing me by with so many hurts. I have a thankful attitude and most of the time I can get myself out of this funk and get going. I think the depression is compounded by this very strong antibiotic and my poor husband I'm probably depressing the stars out of him and we don't know what to do for recreation because there's hardly any money to go out and get a cup of coffee because we just signed up for a new dental program and that will not take care of my necessary redo of a root canal or a tooth extraction for one solid year so there there's my pity pity party sorry to rant on and on but so grateful to be able to tell somebody at hearted I'm bored out of my wits and I want a little bit more fun than watching dr. Oz during the day cuz I'm really not a TV Watcher in the daytime but then I'm going to go out and cook up some lunch slash breakfast and like you said she's cooking bottle-washer that's all I do is cook do laundry and clean the occasional toilet and go outside and water after the temperature has dropped. Feeling sorry for myself here virtuous 69 knowing that God loves me but I sure could use just a little tad of joy in my life.

Scott, I sent this post with out correcting mistakes because I had almost finished his post and then my smart phone lost it. So I had to retype it all over again and send before my smart phone went and sent it into the Twilight Zone again. Now on my computer I know that unfinished emails Etc get put into my draft folder but when it comes to my smartphone I have no idea where unfinished posts go they seem to go into the Twilight Zone. so please try to read between the lines and ignore the crazy mistakes okay thanks.. so part of my depression is that this abscess between two teeth is gone clear up near my sinus cavities and once the medication is over with I still don't have the money to go get a redo root canal or tooth extraction as they want the money up front. so thank you for letting me rant and if any of you out there are in the same situation or have an encouraging word I 'd sure love to hear from you. I don't know what up what I would do without Scott's posts. have a safe Labor Day weekend and lifting up all of you in prayer who've been hit by the Texas hurricanes and floods moving up into different states.may God bless you, encourage you ,and help you meet all of your needs. love virtuous 69 Dori

Windwalker. I agree with all of you. But forget about delegating anything to my husband. He loves me, prays for me and won't lift a finger. Period. I'll do it later, and 3 weeks go by.Original Archie Bunker. But I'm no Edith. He does what little he wants WHeN he wants.He has become sloppy and contributes to our mess. That,s why I joined the depression Discussion Group. I need to vent! Now I have a painful dental abscess ,on powerful antibiodic, and need immediate root canal or teeth extraction. Husband just took out dental insurance which Will not cover these majors for one year. After back and rotator cuff pain subsides I usually fix a meal run Laundry, and water outside. Heat wave CA has been thru Labor Day weekend has been unbearable. I do better when my husband is at work for 3 days. He brings great depression into our house. He relies on me to.be his social calendar. Nothing on the radar without pocket change...have paid up .most of our monthly bills. Will get up now and fix us a meal. Stand ding on God,s promises and asking Him for motivation to get going. Nice to hear from you. Dori.

@virtuous - How long have you been married? I am at an Emerald "Double Nickels" 55 & counting... Is your husband a "Slow Learner?" What does he not understand about the "Do" in "I Do?" Inform him that @catgic Sez the utterance of the "Until Death 'Do' Us Part...I Do" on your Wedding Day means he signed up for "HONEY DO DUTY FOR LIFE." Just saying... B|