Cost of memory care for an Alzheimer's patient

@katrina123
Also another tip I read on this site is that there are accreditation bodies that demonstrate quality in facilities. One example is CARF and there are others. That may help you decide and have more confidence when you place him.
All the best to you. 🌺

June 30, 2026
Memory Care move in day for my husband.

I don't think I have ever been so concerned about anything in my life. I am so worried about how he will adjust. I have done so much for him during the last 4 years. I pray that he will tell caregivers when he is having a problem. Will they treat him with respect, and will they be kind to him?

I am also worried about me. After being married for 59 years how will it feel living totally alone? I am 80 yrs old. Will I be able to handle driving to the Memory Care Center every day?

So much for the Golden Years...

We pay about $3,500 per month for 1:1 memory care in Thailand. The staff there is specially trained in Tom Kitwood's "Person Centered Dementia Care". They even came to our house in Seattle and escorted her from door to door for free. Also very much worth noting that the prices are locked in for life regardless of how fast or slow her Alzheimer's progresses.

@ruthannray

My husband actually fell on June 28th. He fell flat on his back and screamed at the top of his lungs. It took me 15 minutes to get him up off the floor. I took him to the doctor on June 29th, and the doctor said that I should have taken him to the ER because he could have had a brain bleed. He had a CT scan and luckily, he didn't. Looking back, I probably shouldn't even have lifted him off the floor. What if he had had a broken neck or back? This wasn't his first fall; he has had several. It's heartbreaking but it is time to place him in Memory Care. My next step is deciding which memory care unit to put him in. I have looked at 2 so far. One was pretty good and the other one was awful. I should have looked up the awful one on the internet first because it had a huge number of violations with the state.

Thank you - I am going to try not to feel guilty because it is time.

Dear @katrina123

I understand well the fears that you are facing. My husband and I have been together for 48 years. You have us beat by 10 years, years that I, sadly, will not have with my Gary. You have many decisions to make.

First let me share a quote that I turn to again and again:
“Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.” — Charles Spurgeon

Now I will share my story, not to suggest that you think or do what I did, but simply so that you get the benefit of what I experienced.

Last year I almost died. One night I found that suddenly I could neither type nor write. Other symptoms started to appear. By the time I realized that I needed serious neurological help, AND made arrangements for my husband to enter memory care if the ER determined that I had a serious issue, things were dire. It turns out I had a massive bleed in my head. Thank goodness they were able to operate immediately and, amazingly, I recovered fully.

In the meantime, my husband was in a medium-sized facility with a good reputation, 5 minutes from our home. He was still going to a day-program from 10 – 2pm and, first, in the week after the surgery, my brother would visit him daily. Then I visited him daily. He was chipper, was happy to see me, did not complain when I left. Friends, family and our neurologist told me that that was the living arrangement that made sense for his stage and for my health and life. I knew I needed the time to fully recover. I also had the opportunity to realize that the care solution that I had been trying to make work was unsustainable: Caregiver for the morning routine, day-program mid-day during the week, trying to get a caregiver for the evening and weekends. It left me with a huge management job and no time blocks that suited what I needed to get done. So, I viewed the medical crisis as a well-hidden blessing and I committed to the new arrangement.

But about a month and a half to two months later, things started to sour.
 He started resisting me leaving. I hired a companion to be with him between dinner time and bed time, so he had dedicated engagement and conversation. The other residents generally could not talk and the staff was generally people with limited English language capability
 More worrying, he started to get anxious and fearful. I think it was partly the noises in the facility: The other residents sometimes cry out, etc. He talked about “mean boys” who hurt you. He started getting resistant to toileting help, probably because of the many different people involved, with different levels of care and patience.

As much as many of the staff members were sweet and liked Gary, and the managers were understanding and collaborative, I could not bear having him feeling that way and did not see a way to make it work there. I considered another facility that had more activities and an event stronger reputation. But, on the home front, I also was unsettled. Despite the company of our two dogs, the house felt very empty. Also, I was having a hard time fitting our relationship into the hours spent visiting him daily.

Mindful of what I had learned about the level of help I really needed. I decided to investigate live in care. I learned that the large agencies can cost twice as much as a facility, and you can end up getting dozens of different people sent over time. Instead, I found a small agency that represents independent care providers, but also offers the comfort of having someone who will make sure that I have coverage if my regular caregivers cannot come or cover for each other. I was able to interview several people. Since last fall I have had two wonderful young women, one 5 days per week and the other 2 days per week. They focus exclusively on Gary, his emotional needs as well as his physical care. I have the flexibility to go anywhere at any time. I am able to focus on being his wife, social secretary, cheerleader and pal. I have time DURING THE DAY to attend to administrative tasks, home maintenance, etc.

I had worried about having “strangers” in the house, in terms of privacy and security. They stay in their room when not with Gary. I worried about having to cook for everyone. They take care of their own food. I worried about insurance. I was able to add riders to my homeowner’s policy. Yes, there are things you need to work out about daily routines, etc. It is also important to invest in the relationship of respect and appreciation with the caregivers.

Things have changed a lot since last fall. Gary was fully ambulatory and talking and physically healthy then. He is now in hospice care at home. We (the caregivers and I) have worked through the adjustments together. It is wonderful to have knowledgeable, caring partners regarding all the tactical elements. It frees me to work actively with the doctors and do the research needed on the medical elements.

Your situation. What I wrote above is what I experienced and what I found that worked for us. Your own health condition may require much attention. Your husband’s symptoms and needs may be very different. Your own comfort with overseeing his care may be different, etc., etc.

There are good facilities. If you are not part of a local support group, you may consider joining. They are great sources of insight into local care facilities. You just have to be clear about the limits to what they can do for each resident, given their business and staffing models.

Just know that there are options. Take your time and pick based on a real assessment of your priorities. We are all wishing you the best as you navigate this difficult transition!

Dear @katrina123

I understand well the fears that you are facing. My husband and I have been together for 48 years. You have us beat by 10 years, years that I, sadly, will not have with my Gary. You have many decisions to make.

First let me share a quote that I turn to again and again:
“Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.” — Charles Spurgeon

Now I will share my story, not to suggest that you think or do what I did, but simply so that you get the benefit of what I experienced.

Last year I almost died. One night I found that suddenly I could neither type nor write. Other symptoms started to appear. By the time I realized that I needed serious neurological help, AND made arrangements for my husband to enter memory care if the ER determined that I had a serious issue, things were dire. It turns out I had a massive bleed in my head. Thank goodness they were able to operate immediately and, amazingly, I recovered fully.

In the meantime, my husband was in a medium-sized facility with a good reputation, 5 minutes from our home. He was still going to a day-program from 10 – 2pm and, first, in the week after the surgery, my brother would visit him daily. Then I visited him daily. He was chipper, was happy to see me, did not complain when I left. Friends, family and our neurologist told me that that was the living arrangement that made sense for his stage and for my health and life. I knew I needed the time to fully recover. I also had the opportunity to realize that the care solution that I had been trying to make work was unsustainable: Caregiver for the morning routine, day-program mid-day during the week, trying to get a caregiver for the evening and weekends. It left me with a huge management job and no time blocks that suited what I needed to get done. So, I viewed the medical crisis as a well-hidden blessing and I committed to the new arrangement.

But about a month and a half to two months later, things started to sour.
 He started resisting me leaving. I hired a companion to be with him between dinner time and bed time, so he had dedicated engagement and conversation. The other residents generally could not talk and the staff was generally people with limited English language capability
 More worrying, he started to get anxious and fearful. I think it was partly the noises in the facility: The other residents sometimes cry out, etc. He talked about “mean boys” who hurt you. He started getting resistant to toileting help, probably because of the many different people involved, with different levels of care and patience.

As much as many of the staff members were sweet and liked Gary, and the managers were understanding and collaborative, I could not bear having him feeling that way and did not see a way to make it work there. I considered another facility that had more activities and an event stronger reputation. But, on the home front, I also was unsettled. Despite the company of our two dogs, the house felt very empty. Also, I was having a hard time fitting our relationship into the hours spent visiting him daily.

Mindful of what I had learned about the level of help I really needed. I decided to investigate live in care. I learned that the large agencies can cost twice as much as a facility, and you can end up getting dozens of different people sent over time. Instead, I found a small agency that represents independent care providers, but also offers the comfort of having someone who will make sure that I have coverage if my regular caregivers cannot come or cover for each other. I was able to interview several people. Since last fall I have had two wonderful young women, one 5 days per week and the other 2 days per week. They focus exclusively on Gary, his emotional needs as well as his physical care. I have the flexibility to go anywhere at any time. I am able to focus on being his wife, social secretary, cheerleader and pal. I have time DURING THE DAY to attend to administrative tasks, home maintenance, etc.

I had worried about having “strangers” in the house, in terms of privacy and security. They stay in their room when not with Gary. I worried about having to cook for everyone. They take care of their own food. I worried about insurance. I was able to add riders to my homeowner’s policy. Yes, there are things you need to work out about daily routines, etc. It is also important to invest in the relationship of respect and appreciation with the caregivers.

Things have changed a lot since last fall. Gary was fully ambulatory and talking and physically healthy then. He is now in hospice care at home. We (the caregivers and I) have worked through the adjustments together. It is wonderful to have knowledgeable, caring partners regarding all the tactical elements. It frees me to work actively with the doctors and do the research needed on the medical elements.

Your situation. What I wrote above is what I experienced and what I found that worked for us. Your own health condition may require much attention. Your husband’s symptoms and needs may be very different. Your own comfort with overseeing his care may be different, etc., etc.

There are good facilities. If you are not part of a local support group, you may consider joining. They are great sources of insight into local care facilities. You just have to be clear about the limits to what they can do for each resident, given their business and staffing models.

Just know that there are options. Take your time and pick based on a real assessment of your priorities. We are all wishing you the best as you navigate this difficult transition!

@memoriestomoments
Thanks for sharing your story. There is so much learning involved on our end to accommodate this disease. I think you may be exhausted? I'm worn out just reading all the things you've done. I am sure you are an amazing person and Gary is very, very fortunate to have you in his life.
You spoke of picking a care model based on our priorities, however I feel this will be based on personal finances as well. Memory care facilities can charge over $10,000/month. This is challenging for those of us that don't qualify for Medicaid and may have challenges coughing up that $ each month.
Everything is hard, so we appreciate your wisdom.
All the best to you. 🌺

@memoriestomoments
Thanks for sharing your story. There is so much learning involved on our end to accommodate this disease. I think you may be exhausted? I'm worn out just reading all the things you've done. I am sure you are an amazing person and Gary is very, very fortunate to have you in his life.
You spoke of picking a care model based on our priorities, however I feel this will be based on personal finances as well. Memory care facilities can charge over $10,000/month. This is challenging for those of us that don't qualify for Medicaid and may have challenges coughing up that $ each month.
Everything is hard, so we appreciate your wisdom.
All the best to you. 🌺