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A New Mindset for Love in the Time of Dementia

Posted by georgescraftjr @georgescraftjr, Apr 30 11:42am

All my life, I have been adventurous. People say that I rise to challenges by "pushing the envelope." So, in keeping with that sense of adventure, I look at this stage of our marriage as a continuation of an adventure George and I started 30 years ago.

There are no road maps to guide us. With the exception of all the things we caregivers have to do on our daily "to-do list," where each day will takes us is an unknown. Thus, we can choose to live a life of quiet desparation, or we can rise to the challenge of being the best caregiver we can be.

Thanks to this forum, I changed my mindset. That has been life-affirming. What is necessary for George's comfort is what is important to me. Doing for him gives my life purpose.

...and thanks to this forum, I have learned to self-care. At the beginning of this journey, I started losing my sense of self: My modus operanti was "give up and give in." With my new mindset, when I need to have "fun," I take my car through a drive-in carwash. When I want to "relax," I schedule a dental appointment to get my teeth cleaned. When I need to feel sensual, I go out to the garden and let the sun kiss my face and warm my body while I pull weeds.

...and when I need to "connect," I come to you--my new community and family.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

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teacher502 | @teacher502 | Jun 14 6:41pm
In reply to @georgescraftjr "@teacher502 ...and thank you for being an inspiration. You mentioned that your husband was diagnosed in..." + (show)
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@teacher502

...and thank you for being an inspiration.

You mentioned that your husband was diagnosed in 2018, and that at the time you were nervous about giving him Seroquel. That medication was not a good fit for George, who has depression, anxiety and insomnia.

What is your husband taking now? How is his weight? (George takes Mirtazapine (Remeron), which commonly causes weight gain due to increased appetite and metabolic changes. He also takes Donepezil (Aricept), which can cause weight loss due to gastrointestinal disturbances and appetite suppression. Recently, his doctor prescribed Ativan (Lorezapam), which I give to him on an "as needed" basis--when he has an episode of severe anxiety and I am unable to calm him down.)

...and how are you?

Love,
George's Wife

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@georgescraftjr I forgot to add that my hubby has gone from 213lbs to 132lbs. He eats very well. It is so sad to see him this thin.......I was told that eventually the brain causes the body to forget how to use food as needed for nourishment and weight management.

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georgescraftjr | @georgescraftjr | Jun 14 7:27pm
In reply to @teacher502 "@georgescraftjr I forgot to add that my hubby has gone from 213lbs to 132lbs. He eats..." + (show)
Profile picture for teacher502 @teacher502

@georgescraftjr I forgot to add that my hubby has gone from 213lbs to 132lbs. He eats very well. It is so sad to see him this thin.......I was told that eventually the brain causes the body to forget how to use food as needed for nourishment and weight management.

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@teacher502

I am sad that you have to see your beloved husband physically waste away. Thanks God he is still eating. As I quoted in an earlier post today, we have to count our blessings and rejoice:

"...oh the towering feeling
Just to know somehow [he/she is] near
The overpowering feeling
That any second [he/she] may suddenly [dis]appear." --Frederick Loewe (music) and Alan Jay Lerner

P.S. I didn't have a chance to edit my original post, so my intended addition of "[dis]" is missing before the word "appear."

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