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I am going to cry
I took an antibiotic 7 years ago and it blew a hemorrhage in my stomach and then .. doctors doctors.. now the rheumatologist says he can't treat fibromyalgia. A surprise diagnosis and I have to find a new one ..finally made it to the allergist.. I've been in and out of the hospital for several years..and she says it 's CSU Chronic Spontaneous Urticaria..I get so sick from anything..I might be able to get a Xolair shot.. the 2 months waiting have been agonizing.. and I'm a Christian and trying to keep my faith but it's getting hard.I used to be so active . sales rep for about 40 years 1000 miles a weak.. and haven't driven in over 3 years. Every dr has a new diagnosis..I live very rural.. have a great PC but .. I am in 3rd stage kidney failure and the nephrologist is condescending and wants me to take meds I react to.. and gets nasty with me.. can't get in to see another on til December..when my husband got cancer I cried and it upset him so I didn't cry from Nov 2 til June 16th when he passed 15 years ago. I wasn't able to see my Daddy before he passed at a month before his 99 th birthday and my Mommy passed in July of last year..I was passing a 10.7mm kidney stone and made it to the new gastro when I got a facebook message from my little sister ."Mom's not long for this world.". was on the phone arguing with the urologist later that day when my sister messaged me ..mom's dead.. (they lived over a 1000 miles away) ..I'm on my 3rd try for meds for an infection and they are making me sick. what is the point of going on.. no children.. 72 years old.. just wanted to tell someone.. can't tell my friends.. they are tired of hearing it. I see everyone else doing thing ..not me...I feel guilty for not trusting God more.. dread waking up every day..eating is so scary ..so ..I am positive for scleroderma.. I think I might be depressed..and I might just cry..Dave's not here so it won't hurt him..I know I should be grateful to be breathing but this medical battle is getting old..I am so grateful for this forum.. everyone is so supportive.. thank you for being here..!! God bless you all!
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Hi...oh my goodness...BIG HUG!!! If you were my neighbor I would walk you to a chair and make you a cup of tea, my Dear! And give you another BIIIGGG HUG!! You feel so not even misunderstood...just NOT understood. And I am so sorry. It is disintegrating to feel that you have so much going on and there are so few answers for you...I know, I'm in the same place. And on top of that it seems like your world is coming unglued at the same time. But Honey, here we are, right? Here we sit having our tea, trying not to cry...but it's ok to cry, ya know? This is not fair what we are going through. Just let it out with someone who will just be there for you for a little while. (I cry with an favorite old pillow sometimes.) It's an "ugly cry." That's okay. Cry it all out...I won't care if you don't!
And now... can't cry all day! No, we know we can't! That's not us really, really it's not! One more BIG HUG!! Whew!! That seemed to help, a little anyway. But...now what? We have to get ON WITH LIVING... I need to get in for a blood test I've been putting off. Don't you owe your little sister a call? How long has it been? Then I can help you Google your meds and see why they are making you sick and maybe what other ones you can tell your NEW Likeable Doctor to give to you instead.
Turn things a little bit Honey, just a little! There is some good out there if you look for it!!
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5 ReactionsThank you so much for the hugs.they really helped!! I appreciate you very much!! I googled and googled.. zolair is my big hope..wellJesus is our big hope..He is the healer!! My little sister and I have communicated..(settling parents estate..and ..poor sister.. her husband passed in September . he was only 70 and had had back surgery and was in the hospital for 4 days ..she went to pick him up and just went down to the pharmacy to get his meds and they said.."we can't sell them to you..she didnt know why. they someone called down and said he had had a massive heart attack..and died.. they worked on him for 7 hrs and she got to talk to him some.. she has really been thru it.so..yes we've talked and I never said anything about how she told me about my Mom.. I didn't want her to feel worse..she has a bad autoimmune disease that came on suddenly probably due to the stress of taking care of my parents) please get your bloodwork done!! I'll be praying for you!!
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